If your partner did something selfish and then you let her know what she did was wrong. Then she apologizes saying "I'm sorry if you think I was selfish". Is that a sincere apology?

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It’s not a sincere apology, but based on your story, I don’t think she owes you one.

That said, if this incident is part of a broader pattern where you feel constantly dismissed, you should have a conversation about THAT. Just be prepared to learn that the two of you might not be a great match.

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My suggestion, don’t get married, otherwise you will be writing a story every day here based on what bugs you in a relationship 😂

likefunny

Agree about not getting married, avoid it at all costs unless for religious reasons, because even if you don’t, you can expect she will definitely be nagging you for small things like these if you were to do them

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Sounds like she’s apologizing for the way you feel about the selfish action, not the action itself.

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I figured too

That’s not even an apology lol

Give us the deets so we can decide if it truly warranted an apology

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Sure, check my comment under this thread.

Between personal trolley bags that you push and slanted elevators (but also regular elevators?). I'm not really sure what you are talking about. That said this seems like something trivial to get in a fight over.

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My trolley bag was heavy and by slanted elevator, I mean the elevator stairs but without steps to climb on/down. We're not fighting, I just expected better from her. She didn't see the need to help me take the box out of the way given that another lady was right behind me.

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As long as next time she remembers not to do it again, avoids doing it moving forward. That’s a good enough apology to me.

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Nope. It is the classic im sorry you feel this way recast to fit this scenario.

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No. Usually an apology accepts responsibility for the action.

Our partners don’t (or shouldn’t) want to intentionally hurt us, but sometimes actions have unintended consequences. If your partner cares about you and your well-being, they will accept responsibility for the effects of their actions on you.

You're damn right on the money!

Depends on what she did.

Check my comment under this thread to see the details.

It means she's showing empathy towards herself instead of you. So definitely not.

I thought the same too.

Hey fishes, alright I'm gonna give you guys the details. My girlfriend and I went grocery shopping. When we were done shopping, we used the slanted elevator (that was the only way to go down). I always use my personal trolley bag to go shopping. I was pushing it and I was also holding a light box on my other hand. She was carrying one light box. She went ahead of me down the elevator. I'm always careful getting on the slanted elevator when I'm with my trolley bag to prevent myself from falling down with the groceries. I knew it wasn't possible to hold a trolley bag and a box while going down. So I dropped the box on the elevator so it would go down on it's own. Then I went down the elevator with the trolley bag. A lady was behind me, coming down as well. My girlfriend already reached down waiting for me. As the box was almost reaching down, she said she can't take it out of the way cos she didn't want to bend down to pick it up (the box was a light one and we both work from home so she wasn't stressed). As I reached down, I had to carefully get myself and my trolley bag off the elevator and quickly pick up the box so as not to get in the way of the lady behind me. When we got outside, I told her what she did was selfish and when we got home she said "I'm sorry if you think I was selfish". It was just a box and it wasn't heavy at all. There was a blender inside. I expected her to just take it out of the way as it reached her. I was really disappointed.

Slanted elevator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What what are the chances of that happening again?

Learned some new terms reading this....

She might expect you to be more masculine and handle the situation.

Doesn't excuse the attitude but you might not physically be meeting her standards in the relationship.

Honestly personal preference and expectation of who you date/marry can be what you want. Would I ever treat a friend that way? No. Would I ever treat someone I was dating that way? Also no - but I wouldn't date them for very much longer if they couldn't physically handle the challenge that situation involved easily.

If you focus purely on the words exchanged - I agree it's not the right way to handle it. If you want real advice on why the words are happening, it's not helpful for me to agree the exchange is inappropriate and not dive into what the root cause would be if it were me.

Not at all

OP, I think it really comes down to whether 1) she noticed the box was in front of you but couldn’t/didn’t want to help you or 2) she was indifferent to the situation you were in completely. If it’s the latter, I would be worried. The former, it’s okay because at least she cares about you but was in an inconvenient situation. I don’t think she was selfish but you should care if she’s cares about you. You’re better off dating a man if she doesn’t seem to be caring.

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