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If your SO told you you couldn’t be friends with someone of the opposite sex would you listen to them?

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I’m friends with a lot of guys and bf from the start basically was hinting that he didn’t like that I talked to them so much of had snap streaks with them. I’m kind of a “bro” and hung with guys more than girls in college so I have a larger friend group. Definitely has caused issues. In the beginning I was like yeah I get it but then I just realized that he just doesn’t trust me and is too insecure about it. We’re still together but still a touchy subject

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You’re assuming that a lot of significant others are “jealous of you” but have you ever self-reflected that you’re the common factor in making couples feel uncomfortable or having too high of expectations for your friends. After friends (guys or girls) get in a serious relationship, a true friend understands that they are going to prioritize the relationship over the friendship. As long as the friend is happy in the relationship, I’m happy. In this case, his SO isn’t posting on FishBowl complaining about you. You’re seeking validation from strangers without giving full details to the story. Who knows what you say about your friend’s SO to your close friends if you say this on FishBowl. Let the relationship run its course instead of trying to meddle and badmouthing your “friend’s” relationship.

likesmart

Depends on the situation, I think. I’m female and my best friend is a man that I’ve been friends with since 7th grade. He’s like my brother, we’ve never hooked up, but we talk about everything and keep each other in check. He’s the person I go to when I fight with my husband and he’s like “nope, you’re being crazy, go apologize” or “yeah, he’s a total dick for saying that to you.” He does the same to me and I give him the female perspective. I feel like our friendship makes our marriages better because we give each other brutally honest perspective. I told my husband early on that this man was my best friend and that it was important to me that they have a relationship as well. He told the same with his wife. She was skeptical at first, and I’m sure her and mg friendship started as a “keep your friends close and enemies closer” because she wanted to keep an eye on me…but she’s come around and realized how often I’ve stuck up for her and told him to stop being a dick. That said, if I was flirting with him and it was an emotional affair where I turned to him constantly for emotional support Instead of my husband, and my husband asked me to end that friendship…I would understand. There’s a fine line between emotional affair and friendship.

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Hmmm, depends on what they mean by friends. Like I wouldn't be going to one on one dinners, concerts, movies, etc with a friend of the opposite sex. I wouldn't want my SO to be doing that as well.

likehelpful

Mike Pence joke #2

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I’m a guy and I have 2 friends that are girls, one we’ve been friends for 5 years, the other 10 years. You better believe I’m choosing my friends 10/10 times if she makes this type of nonsense request

likesmart

You may thinks it's platonic, but I guarantee you he's pictured you naked more than once, evidenced by him saying he would choose you over her. You need to back away and let them sort their relationship.

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Nope. Dealbreaker

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It would be a dealbreaker for me even if they just told me I couldn’t be friends with Exes. You either trust me or not and I’m not going to put up with being told who I can talk to or hang out with, particularly if they’re existing friends. I’m not giving up an existing friendship for a new romantic partner, and someone who insists I do isn’t someone I’m compatible with (and of course I similarly wouldn’t ask them to).

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If my SO told me I “couldn’t” do anything, they wouldn’t be my SO anymore

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Besides couldn’t cheat 😂

Would I listen to my SO? Of course. That’s step one to a conversation. Would I respect their wishes? Well… I don’t think absolutes or ultimatums are generally good things in a relationship. However, if it’s framed in a “this makes me very uncomfortable for these reasons, and I’d appreciate it if you could honor and respect the way I feel about it by not hanging out with this other person alone” then hell yes. I’d respect that wish.

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This. I think it is absolutely crucial to have conversations about a partner‘s wishes, especially in the situation like that. Are there seemingly valid reasons for a particular request? In that case the responsible thing to do would be to respect your partners wishes, or at least have a serious conversation about any underlying issues there might be

I wouldn’t listen and they would no longer be my SO. That’s so many 🚩🚩🚩🚩

likehelpful

IMO Good relationships normally don’t have this concept of “allowing” the other person to do things. You make your own decisions and take everyone’s feelings into account knowing that you care.

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If he thought I should not have any male friends I would think it was weird. But that he wants to be in on the friendships too I think is normal. I don't just go hang with guys one on one while my husband stays home, except if its a rare business lunch.

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No. That’s a sign of insecurity, and doesn’t bode well for a healthy relationship. You don’t want to end up like Mike Pence and Mother, do you?

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Yes. If it made them uncomfortable. Their feelings have to come first if ur looking for a lasting relationship. This assumes yall are both mature enough to set appropriate boundaries based on each other's needs. I'd expect they do the same for me.

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At first, I was like helllllllllll no. Dump his ass. Then, I was like, what’s the back story behind it? We’re y’all hanging out one day and the dude made an inappropriate comment about you? Or, was this just out of the blue for jealousy reasons? I would have an honest conversation on why he said it and go from there.

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An honest conversation with all 3 of you, might be what y’all need. Plus, he might realize, what type of person she is, before it is too late.

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Her therapist needs to be listening to her

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Thanks I needed to hear that 😂

funny

It depends, you know whether your friends want only frienship or something else…

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Depends what you mean: If it was my wife saying "you can't be friends with any women" I'd be like "wtf, since when are you so controlling?" If it was "please don't hang out with her, it makes me uncomfortable" because some attractive young woman is throwing herself at me, I'd certainly understand and respect that wish. Of course I don't really let it get to that point to begin with as I've kind of let myself go since we got married anyway.

likefunny

Based only on their being of the opposite sex? Absolutely not, throw the whole SO away

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I'm with GD1! I have a few really awesome female friends that I met because they were friends with my husband long before he met me.

Bahhh I phrased the question wrong lol. Basically I’m the girl who’s friends with a guy who’s SO doesn’t like me

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I would say try to make friends with her. Have a group text and don't have a separate text just with him. Hang out with the two of them. But it might already be too late. Its not your problem. It is between the to of them. There will be other friends if he "dumps" you because of her.

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Life's too short to be obedient.

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Simply tell him/her: "I've known him/her longer than you 😌"

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