If you’re a person in this group managing people, ask yourself, am I a person that inspires my team, or will I be the reason someone experiences trauma for the rest of their lives. I will share the story of my sister in IT. At the start of her career she worked under an Indian boss in Northumbria University who was racist to her. He exaggerated mistakes and spoke in a demeaning manner at every opportunity. He was nicer to other Indians and whites but treated my sister in this nasty....

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Lots of people even in big companies (like uncle D) need to read this and understand the trauma they cause to their peers and juniors. If you aren’t a good person before anything else, then it doesn’t matter how competent you are - you are not fit to be a people manager

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manner. Eventually she was sacked. Till date that experience followed her until she joined a big firm and noticed the stack difference and why everything was wrong with her previous workplace. Everyone in her team is nice to her (including Indians which gives her a ray of hope). She also has an amazing manager who’s very nice and respectful. Inclusivity and respect is part of the company culture. I noticed how much happier she feels about her job. So if you’re reading this, reflect on which of the bosses you are.

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I am Indian male. I have had more bad Indian bosses than any other nationality . I have had more bad men as bosses than women . I won’t generalize that this is true for the larger industry we are part of - but I am sure there studies on that .

The effect of all this on me is that I have sworn to never be like the bad managers I have had in my career .

I cannot even begin to imagine how much harder it would have been for me if I was a woman .

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Indian here too. I'm always asked by some Indian managers to work longer hours than my white peers. I've been told "The reason why we're given work visas is because we are willing to work unreasonable hours."
It's demeaning and makes me feel like I was only hired as manpower and not for my qualifications.

Strangely enough this doesn't happen with Indian managers who have studied in the United States.

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One of the weirdest dynamics in consulting is that people are promoted to be “managers” bases on sales, project performance and client relationships. There is no emphasis on managers being good people or career managers. Moving up is all about growing business. I’m so happy to have recently started working at a company where good people managers are valued.

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This is spot on. I came from industry and this was one of the biggest shockers for me when making the transition. Like you said, people management skills and empathy were something that was severely undervalued. If the engagement is completed on time with a healthy budget, that’s all that matters. If your staff aren’t developing skills, growing, or are struggling in some way or another, it doesn’t matter.

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I’ve always tried to be the leader that I’ve always wanted to have. I’ve taken all my horrific experiences (as an employee and a female) and used them as learning of what NOT to do. I’ve learned so many things about myself in the process and have become a better person and leader because of it. Be authentic, be strong, be supportive and lead with empathy/compassion even though you may not be recognized for it. You will change lives in the process.

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As a manager I support the goals of my reports. I work hard to show respect for their accomplishments and when mistakes happen those are frank conversations and we make a plan. If you are a manager misrepresenting things (good or bad) then your motivations are wrong. I get kudos for my employees successes just by way of being their manager, no need to take credit of the actual work away from anyone. In fact if I'm able to promote someone that is a huge success for me, I was their mentor and they are succeeding. My own manager knows my job is to help enable others success, that's what I get credit for. I suppose I could promote someone who is then a competitor at my level but that is what it is and I'm responsible for my own success.

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I’m Latino and when the person giving me reviews sabotaged me was also Latino, I immediately did everything in my power to switch but also recognized commonalities and biases only go so far. He eventually got laid off from the firm. I also had a toxic boss for my first corporate job and essentially can ID a toxic boss from a mile away.

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People should read the book ‘The Motive’ by Patrick lencioni. Leadership is an honor and privilege. Servant leadership is the only leadership style that should exist.

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I am not surprised at the experience. A lot of managers focus on what you can't do/did wrong instead of what you can do. Couple that with conscious and unconscious bias, one can easily find oneself in such unfortunate situations. The problem with many of my compatriots is that we grew up in what can be described as an environment where casual stereotyping was the norm. "X are smart", "X are bad", "X are wealthy", "X are lazy" etc. Some of us lack the nuance to realize these stereotypes are BS.

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Re: Relationships
I had a crush on one of my friends. He didn’t like me back and that was fine. I showed up, I became his best friend, and like a real life rom com, he fell in love with me. I was patient, I was present, and now we’re officially dating. I love it so much more because we’re best friends who fell in love.

We spent a year getting close, I was there for him and vice verse, and last night he told me he was in love with me.

Wait it out - you never know!!

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