If you're dating someone who's divorced do you just take their word for it on the reasons why they got divorced? Not saying they aren't being honest, they probably are, but if they are being dishonest, is there any way to tell or check?

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What do you view as your other option here? Are you going to interview their ex?

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In every divorce there’s 2 sides of the truth and then how it actually happened. Get to know them for the person they are.

Evennn if things ended poorly with their previous partner, that doesn’t mean things will end poorly with you. Could have just not been a right fit.

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Divorcee here... I would just tell it like it was. But I imagine my ex has a different view too why things didn’t work out. I mean I know she does.

So what would you do then?

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As you get to know them better you’ll figure it out. As someone who is divorced, I’m not going to get into the details and reasons early on, so by the time someone hears those things they should know me well enough to know I’m telling the truth.

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Can you just stick with it long enough to know or are you trying to fail fast and make a call before date two? Keep in mind that some people change drastically after divorces. Even if they made a mistake, they might have actually learned a ton from it. I know this sounds like talk from someone who is divorced but I’ve been married for ten years and just see that people change and grow a lot, especially from the toughest of situations.

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Sometimes it’s better not to know the truth. We as humans always seek closure but maybe it’s best to leave it behind

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I’m also interested as I recently met someone who is divorced. My concern is more how do I know that this person is ready to date for a serious relationship, if I am? —when the divorce is recent.

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If it’s recent, unless they have a fear of being alone, I will bet they are not looking for something serious.

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thanks everyone, this is helpful. I'm not sure what to expect but I'll take their word for it and see how things progress 🤗

In most cases, if someone claims the divorce was 100% the other persons fault and they had no role in it, I would run. Sure, there are rare cases where someone was truly married to a psychopath but I think my chances of meeting that person are extremely slim. What I want is someone who learned and grew from their past relationships, and I know everyone has a different version of “the truth” when it comes to emotional things like divorce. So for me, much more about the “tone” than any specifics about what happened.

This is where I think the tone matters. Someone who truly went through a crazy abusive relationship and got out is likely not going to want to discuss that on an early date and is going to open up about the details of this slowly. What I would expect in this case is someone describing being really hurt/violated rather than this like flip “omg my ex was a total psycho you have no idea and that’s why we got divorced it was all their fault”. Compared to something more like “my ex was this extremely charismatic person who I fell in love with and trusted and turned out to be someone who really took advantage of that trust”. This is what I mean by tone. And ultimately, if someone hasn’t done the work to process what happened to them I probably don’t want to date them yet anyways.

Honestly, this holds true for all ex talk to me. This is another sign of if they are being accurate about their divorce - do they describe a lot of other relationships as deteriorating due to all the other persons actions (including potentially friends and family, as well as other exes). I don’t trust anyone who says all their exes are terrible or crazy. It’s like - you chose to be with them. They had some positive trait. Not every ex is a psychopath. You had agency in at least many of your past relationships, and most relationships end due to mutual behavior.

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