I’m 23, white-American, and have had two serious relationships. One with a Pakistani man and the other with a Korean. They both ended up breaking up with me because they wanted to be with someone of their culture. Wasting my time. I’m not really attracted to white guys, I think bc I grew up in an urban/inner-city. But I also feel like I would look dumb af if I date another person from a different culture and for them to dump me for the same reason. Y’all got advise or been in similar situations?

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I think you should start your relationship by asking about expectations of the future. Learn from this, so later you can ask “is culture important to you? Will that impact our relationship if we choose to be in one? What is your long term goal?” Etc.

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Momo, understood. The wisdom might lies within your own words, don’t be upset because something that is you cannot change. You be you. Op, hope you find whatever is good for u. Best wishes :)

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Im Pakistani and a white person did that to me. Lol it does suck! But I guess people are free to change their minds - I'm thinking of just pursuing my own people now because culture race and reliogion create too many barriers- not always - i know many people who have made it work but I don't want to go through that heartbeak again.

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Sorry this happened to you. I think you may have better luck with second or third generation people rather than first generation, as they may be more accustomed to interracial dating and more open minded.

And you can also probe if your date’s family already has experience with interracial marriages or relationships before. (Eg siblings, cousins, etc.) Or even ask them if they have brought home partners from different cultures before and how their family responded then.

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I dated a Nepalese guy and my brother dated a Korean girl. Both of their parents wanted them to marry/date within their race so the relationships ended. Just keep dating whoever you want, maybe have an conversation about where they see the relationship long term so they don’t drag you down with their close-mindedness.

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Indian guy here and I sympathise with your situation completely. Many men in my community do this and it gives us a bad name, especially me since I am attracted to white women/their culture (I’m talking about America here). I can only say please don’t give up on dating men of other backgrounds. To make life simpler, I’d say try to meet their family or something as early as possible and clear things up from the start. If it doesn’t work, at least it’ll give you some sense of closure (if you care about it).

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Yep, I’m Hispanic.

I’m a South Asian immigrant male and happily married to a white girl for more than 10 years and raising two beautiful biracial kids. It is often not the guys. It is their south asian parents that put too much pressure to marry within their culture/religion. My parents on the other hand are very much integrated and open minded. Also, they are Buddhists and their anything goes Buddhist attitude helps. Lol.
This is a nonstarter with vast majority of my middle eastern and Muslim friends due to strict religion and cultural differences.
I suggest that you meet his parents early on to make sure they are onboard. It is all about how well integrated his family to the fabric of our American culture. That is the bottom line.
Good luck to you!

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Not gonna lie to you Asian parents do not mess around with whom their sons marry. They could think you’re the best thing since sliced bread (microwaveable rice?) and still not let you marry into the fam. Maybe unless he’s pushing 40 and running out of options...
And more often than not the boys will do what their parents wish because that’s just culturally the expectations. This of course varies, but Koreans and Pakistanis probably two of the strictest groups. I’m an East Asian woman and I wouldn’t date them (but have lots of friends who are Korean or Pakistani)

I’m all about efficiency and there are many more fish in the sea so bark up some other tree perhaps

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Agree with M1. This is spot on.

I dated a middle eastern man and would talk about it all the time. I didn’t mind dating him because it was fun but after a while it wasn’t sustainable. I’m not white but I think it’s fair for you to ask those questions relatively soon in the relationship. I’m super self-aware about those kinds of things (given that we are both minorities) and I have no problem asking.

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Have you thought that they're just telling you that as an excuse to not hurt your feelings

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May not be. I’ve known men like this. They always want to marry someone of their culture but want to have “fun,” with other ethnicities. Fetishization of women is a serious issue with many guys

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I'm sorry OP, that sucks 🙁
I'm going to make some assumptions to conclude that age might be a factor here. You are only 23 which I'm assuming means you are dating guys that are plus/minus 5years of you likely? Most people don't know what they want in their 20s and experiment to figure it out. In this case dating you was that experiment. I recommend living your life right now and just enjoying the dating scene. People usually settle into what they want by 30, so maybe you'll find Mr. Right, even if he's from a different culture, closer to when you both reach closer to that age range.

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Those guys are dicks. Hopefully things work out for you in the future. On the bright side you’re only 23, so you have time on your side.

On the bright side be glad you avoided overbearing in-laws and/or a non-independent spouse (aka a mammas boy).

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Please consider the possibility that this was just an excuse. I must admit that when I was in my early 20s, I made excuses like these. I rationalized it away by saying the lie was better than the truth of "I just don't feel that way anymore" but in reality I was a coward who didn't want to confront an uncomfortable situation. We're not all as good and upright as we want to be, and I'm still very ashamed of the excuses I made decades ago.

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I think it’s probably cause you’re young.

Familial pressures for minorities when it comes tor relationships gets worse as we get older. South Asian too in my mid 20s and my parents have gotten sooo much worse over the years about me dating another brown girl.

When you’re young and you say you’re ready to rebel your parents about something this big, you’re not sure yet because you’re young. You have to get older and be sure that you’re ready to piss off the entire family for someone special.

I think as you get older, the guys you meet will be more sure of that and secure enough from their family to do what makes them happy. So have some hope.

Not much older than you and went through 3 years of hell with my family just to be with someone I love and I know others who’ve done the same. Don’t regret it at all and it was worth it.

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Completely agree A1 and definitely feel you on the last part of not everyone being fortunate to have that. That’s why it’s important to cherish it and fight all the way for it

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Being an Indian I get to know the reasons now why other ethnic females ghost me...

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