{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’m 25 year old and work directly with a 45 year old man on my project. I am the direct contact for the client and he’s the architect but he is constantly mansplaining things to me/ telling me cont...", "post_id": "5cba17fa222eeb001fe60452", "reply_count": 8, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

I’m 25 year old and work directly with a 45 year old man on my project. I am the direct contact for the client and he’s the architect but he is constantly mansplaining things to me/ telling me cont...

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Some thoughts: 1. As annoying as that behavior may be, I firmly believe intent matters and sometimes even the most difficult of people have valid feedback . So don’t let your annoyance get the best of you and completely ignore his intent and feedback. He could be genuinely trying to help vs patronize you and as easy as it is to think that he is jealous of your relationship skills, it is far more likely that someone 20 years your senior is not jealous of your skills; possible of course but not likely. Also try to be emotionless when you assess his feedback so you don’t ignore the valid points. You maybe better at relationships than him but it doesn’t mean you are great or can’t get better or that he can’t give good advice. 2. Once you figure out what’s valid vs not as well as his intent, you’ll be able to assess how to deal with some of the patronizing better, if that’s what’s happening . My advice is to always be above petty and bad behavior. If he is treating you badly, don’t respond in kind. Don’t get aggressive with him - be professional and treat him with respect. Understand the impact of your response; many times mansplainers just want to hear themselves talk - let them but it may not require any action from you; in other words, pick your battles. 3. If he continues to be disrespectful to you, keep note of how that happens and share that feedback with your partner. Not in a negative or personal way, but in a balanced way and factually as well as clearly articulate the possible impact of that to the client and engagement. Ask for help. To give you some context, I have a very low tolerance for these types of behaviors. I get irritated and annoyed and the advice above is challenging for me to execute as well. However over the years, I have learned that reacting and being aggressive in these situation does more harm than good because it paints a picture of you as immature and emotional and sort of validates the story these types of guys tell.

like

I’m 43 and this has been my entire work life. They can’t conceive that a woman, especially a younger one, can do a better job than they do. Thank goodness things are finally changing in the world! Stay confident, keep standing up for yourself. Don’t let him impact your views of yourself or your work. Weather it and look for other people who can provide you with support. There are others out there. And if you’re lucky you will see the tides change like I have recently.

like

I wish I had an answer, but all I can say is that I sympathize with you because I have gone through the same shit as a 26 yr old Latina. Even basic respect is hard to get

like

1) Find a more neutral advocate and mentor (ideally female) at IBM you can ask for advice on these kind of situations, and who can potentially lobby behind the scenes on your behalf. Look laterally too even if there's not so much power to change the situation here: Sometimes it just helps to vent with peers for short-term relief/catharsis even if it doesn't resolve the underlying issue definitively. 2) Keep your receipts. You can't really make a clear case on workplace violations from mansplaining alone, but if there are specific circumstances where your manager is out of line, eg says something wrong to client in email that undermines you and that you have to correct, keep the thread. Equally important is to arm yourself for performance reviews in case this manager has unjustified critiques of you that are not shared by the client - keep a "Good job" folder of positive written feedback from them or request such in writing, even if as a short email. You should be doing this to support your case during promotion decisions etc anyway and these things are nice little mental/confidence boosts to look at if you're going through a rough patch on any given project. 3) Keep your head down and focus on doing a great job. Kick ass on this project and get that client feedback, and this will be shared with other projects who will want to staff you. The best consultants have their pick of multiple projects whenever they're rolling off their current one, because word gets around about their work. This becomes a virtuous cycle as high performers have more of a say on the managers they work with, and they can turn down projects with people who have clashing styles or bad personality/bias issues like this dude. 4) Equally, pay it forward. This experience will be so valuable to you on what not to do and how to make different (ideally fewer!) mistakes when you are eventually in management. Warn your peers, especially the women, about working with this guy - reputations get around, and even though it's not usually the only factor, managers can be held back in bonuses/promotions for having a bad rep with their teams. Even if he somehow makes it up with internal allies or client kudos, this guy should have a direct interest in this - if he has a rep for being a difficult/bad person to work with, staffing becomes a much more salient headache for his day-to-day.

like

How to interact with the client. He has no idea how to interact with clients and whenever he does say anything, I am there to fix what he said. He also seems insecure that a 25 year old has a better relationship with the client than he does and puts me down. How do I handle this? I’ve started to be more aggressive with him and stand up for myself more but he is becoming more unbearable. Can’t really go to the partner bc they are good friends.

like

Use the client relationship to help advocate on your behalf??

Thank you everyone!! This was very helpful

Welcome to IBM

Related Posts

I started working in a agency two months ago, and I have two very big projects running simultaneously. My Creative Director left for paternity leave, and left me with all the work, facing the client, going to shootings, editing. I've been working 15 days straight, no weekends. The agency hasn't given me any back up/someone I can team up with to do the job. Is this normal? I'm used to have a partner, a copywriter or another creative working alongside. Keep in mind that I'm mid-level.

likefunny

Trouble networking virtually; I started recently, 3 months ago. I am not sure how projects/internal moves work but I was wondering if anyone has advice on networking virtually? I am finding it tricky because I don't know anyone apart from my team & I can't view Talent Marketplace because I am on a billable project, not sure how long it will go. I enjoy my work and not looking to move just yet, I wanted to see what else is out there and looking for opportunities to network with more people.

like

It's been a month I joined new company. No project allocation happened. Still Im getting calls from good companies to attend interview. Shall I attend interview? How to process if I got offered?

like

Help. Working with 2 supervisors on an offering they are both experts in ... they both have visibility into my work... how do I reach out to one of them about a potential new client without getting into trouble if the other finds out? I have my own preference on which I think is best for the job but feel stuck as they both can impact promotion of me

like

My client counterpart is exactly like Jon Snow- he knows nothing.

like

Who is the best person you have worked with? Why? (Coworker, client, manager, etc..)

likeuplifting

Hi fishes! To any fellow FP&A ladies in the room: Just joined an FP&A team with no prior FP&A experience... What makes a strong, high performing FP&A analyst? My background is in project management for finance, model governance and RRP consulting; graduated business administration, major in finance. Thanks!

like

If you sent a subordinate an article that you thought might be related to their current project and they responded with, “Thank you. Very Interesting.” Would you consider that rude? Edit: I am the replyer in this scenario

likefunny

Are any big four consultants out of austin? Hows the client and travel scenario

like

Rolled off a horrible project due to budget constraints, one week on the bench, and just sold a dream role for myself starting Monday. It's been a good week 😀

like

Any advice for feeling totally out of your depth on a new client and project type? It’s been 2 weeks and I’m still trying to get my head around the sheer complication, scale, terminology (contd..)

like

Folks whose h1 was picked in lottery, hav ur lawyers submitted documents to uscis. What documents they need frm client and frm u. What is last date to submit. Mine got picked but no word from lawyers

like

If all the top consulting firms made anonymous decks or gave anonymous pitches to a client, eg no branding and the client did not know which firm made which deck, do you actually think that the client would prefer MBB?  Is MBB actually coming up with better/more innovative solutions? I feel like I see many repeat or slightly altered solutions on almost all of my cases, are these really things that people at Deloitte/Accenture etc aren’t coming up with?

likesmart

When do you tell the client offer a better fucking product or service??

like

I hate my project and I’m beginning to realize that burning out is a possibility.

like

I just joined Accenture, and I was told that I need to ask my manager for permission and justification for a Mac. Do I need to wait until I’m assigned to a project, or should I just ask my normal manager? Also, am I good to just start downloading tech (Python, Sublime, etc.) I need for my job, or do I have to wait for that?

like

The long and the short of it. I was laid off a couple of months ago, the clients on the account I ran loved me. Can I hit the client up about freelance? The non-solicitation part in my severance package mentions something about a year (which hasn’t passed yet), but still I’m no lawyer and it’s mostly mumbo jumbo to me.

like

Was extended but haven’t done any work this week so far. Haven’t been briefed on the new project. Still billing this week, right? Think they do weekly here, not sure tho.

like

Anyone work out of a van/truck camper for a long period of time? Probably going to be on and off not traveling for months by the project and love being outdoors and traveling. If so, how was it and what do you do for internet?

like

Additional Posts

Is a CAPM worth the trouble? Or should I just wait until I’m qualified enough to get do the PMP?

like

How do we use the 35K point Marriott vouchers from the 2 free night promotion? I tried booking a vacation stay and Marriott took the 70K points directly from my account instead of using the voucher.

like

What do you do when the client think your boss is your direct report? 😳🤔

likefunny

Marcus by Goldman just sent me an email, the day after I funded my HYSA with them, to let me know they are dropping the rate from .6 to .5. This feels like a con. Anyone else have this happen? Might as well just bundle all my Amex accounts and switch to Amex HYSA since it is currently at .6

like

Are companies looking to hire more minorities and people who identify as LGBTQ+? I saw a post about a job listing for a Big 4 and it said it had a strong preference for people who identify as LGBTQ+ or a minority racial group. Does this mean they have a higher chance of getting the job? Not trying to start any political debates, I’m just generally curious.

like

What is the bonus structure at your law firm? Associate hour requirement at my firm is 1850, for every hour over that you get your billable rate (i.e. if your rate is $200/hr you get $200 for each hour over 1850). To me this seems like its just overtime pay. Is this typical?

like

As we navigate the numerous challenges and roadblocks that come with being on a visa in America, what are some things you wish you had to support your mental health? Looking for ideas as I am in the process of designing a program that can support international people in dealing with these issues ( including me).

like

Does anyone know the salary range for EY supply chain and operations C and SC? EY

like

Hello ladies... Really need your advice on this. I am currently on work visa (L1B) and want to travel to Dubai on the first week of July. Do you know if there will be any restrictions to enter back to US from Dubai?

like

When based in a city like NYC with multiple hubs, how do you think about the airline to chase loyalty on?

like

Have a ton of Aeroplan points saved up. Debating whether to save them for travel or use them for an Apple Watch. Any tips? Is it generally better value to use them for travelling?

like

Can anyone smarter than me help me figure out why I was charged NY income tax as a Texas resident? I was hired in August and paid out a hefty signing bonus that was taxed at the New York income tax level because the firm incorrectly mapped my home location there. None of my work was performed there and I don’t live there. Now the firm is refusing to payback the paid NY taxes?

like

Has anyone filed a police report with LA county that have video evidence and the faces of the criminals? Any lessons learned? I recently got my bike stolen and I want to make sure the footage I have gets seen by an officer.

like

I finally got a data scientist interview and the amount of preparing and studying you have to do is crazy

like

What do you'll tell a recruiter when asked if you're interviewing with other companies? If you're interviewing with a competitor but nowhere close to the final round, is it worth mentioning?

like

EY is hiring CA freshers in Business consulting - Risk DM me if anyone interested

like

So, super weird question: Others often consider me the "smartest person in the room" but I love being challenged and called out when I'm wrong. Is this weird? Is there a term to describe this (other than obnoxious)? Asking here because for some reason in our culture it's super taboo to talk about how smart we are and we're all supposed to pretend we're less intelligent than we are too avoid looking arrogant or making others feel inferior.

like

Do you guys share your salary with peers in the company to see if you are underpaid? In my group almost everyone knows each others salary. NY FSO

like

I just moved to a foreign country and I am really in need of a job. I applied to a big 4 and spent weeks making it through interviews only to get turned down, because they wanted someone with big 4 experience. How can I get big 4 experience if a big 4 isn’t willing to hire me? I feel defeated.

like

I am a automation test analyst at TCS with 4 years of experience in automation and functional testing in various domain. I am going to have my interviews for Deloitte. Can anyone please give me ideas of questions and tell me the level of difficulty? What is the hike that I can ask for?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal