Relationships

I’m 28 and my parents are pressuring me to get married to my boyfriend of 1 year and 4 months. He won’t give me the commitment they want (i.e: ring or promise of a ring in x months). Cont.

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OP, this one line you said made me think. “I’m hurt he’s not crazy over me” Honestly, I was going to side with you until that line. I’m 36, and I found a man who is crazy over me, it’s the most incredible feeling in the world and I wish I had not wasted time in relationships where I felt a little insecure about his love for me. The breakup pain is a temporary hurdle to finding the guy that thinks you’re the greatest, just as you are.

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You can’t just make him marry you. And the harder you push, the further you’ll push him in the opposite direction. It’s natural to feel a little sting that he hasn’t made any substantial commitment, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You’d rather really really know he wants you and will do what it takes (alt travel, communication, etc) than to have him rush forward, then back out later. Trust me, that’s the worst. Stop discussing it with them. If they can’t respect you saying you don’t want to talk about it, call less. Setting boundaries are important. They’ll get the message or they won’t. Either way, you can’t worry about making them happy on this front. Otherwise, you’ll be stressed and miserable and drag them into any marriage you ultimately go into. That’s categorically unfair to your partner and more importantly, you.

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I think if you are ready and he isn’t, you should move on. It’s not a rush to get married, but when guys know they know

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He’s now moving to Chicago and my parents are telling me that the opportunities missed at my age will be too big to be committed to a guy who can’t give me his word. He is a really careful and prudent guy so this is in line with his character. He just says that he doesn’t want to break up and he likes spending time w me and we’ll make it work through alt travel... I’m hurt he’s not crazy over me (the way my dad is over my mom) but at the same time would be heart broken if we broke up. It’s really affecting my relationship with both my parents and my boyfriend. Any words of wisdom?

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Maybe ask yourself what you want first!

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Don’t push him . If he agrees because you asked not he feels it’s not going to be . Agree with the comment - think what you want .

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Been through this. I would say ignore your parents for a minute and ask yourself what is it that YOU want. I was in a similar situation and pushed my then bf because my family was pushing me and it ended up creating a lot of stress (along with other issues) which eventually led to breaking up. First figure out your own timeline, it could be at 28 or at 35, nothing wrong in either. Then talk to your bf otherwise you run the risk if pushing him for something even you are not 100% onboard with.

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i know this is cliche, but pls know that YOU ARE THE PRIZE! sensing nothing but love your way.

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OP, what did you end up doing? I'm the guy in this type of dynamic now and been trying to get prof help for my commitment issues but the anxiety peaks when the pressure of marriage is turned on and I just want to run away.

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Thanks. I had a huge fight with my parents over Christmas. I told them I have never disappointed them (in terms of grades, school, job etc.) so they need to stop. I said I’m going to start distancing myself if they keep pressuring and that I understand the practical impact of my decision. I’m a woman of my words so they got scared when I said I’d stop talking to them and backed off

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