I’m 35 and my boyfriend is 46. Since we aren’t married yet my parents have basically counted us out for having any kids. 😔🥺

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She may be right. It’s definitely worth having a conversation about with your boyfriend if you want it to happen. Time is not on your side unfortunately.

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There are so many ways and times to have kids, OP! I’m sure you can find something that works for you (should you want children) ☺️

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I'm a woman in my 40s, thanks. You're right about adopting, of course, but even that gets harder as you get older and it isn't easy to begin with. If we're talking about biologically, there is nothing certain about being able to have children, especially after 35 and 40 especially. We don't help women by pushing the fallacy that IVF is easy, possible, or effective for everyone. I have so many friends who wanted children, pumped their bodies full of hormones for egg harvesting only to have IVF fail multiple times, or who went to have eggs frozen and found out they didn't have many that were viable.

The cold reality for women - and for men to an extent, too - is that we can't escape biology. If you want to have a child biologically after 35 you need to take the ticking clock seriously, and if you want a first child after 40 you're probably going to need intervention.

Adoption is no easier, btw. It has gotten much more difficult for Americans to adopt internationally. Domestically, the fastest route is by becoming certified as foster parents, then adopting the child after several years. If you want an infant, you will be waiting for years, and most adoption agencies have rules for the max age difference between parent and child - for instance a 40+ year old couple will probably not be permitted to adopt an infant, only a 5+ year old maybe.

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My mom had me at 39 and my brother at 45….

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Marriage status doesn’t define ability to procreate but age might increase risk or impact ability in women which I don’t know (maybe after 40,45?)

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35+ is defined in the medical world a high risk pregnancy. It's very common, though...you just get all the tests, and I think an extra night in the hospital.

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The problem with this thread is that you have “babies” acting as experts and highlighting the risks. We don’t live in the 60’s anymore. There are so many options, egg freezing, IVF, surrogacy, adoption. Should I go on?
Chin up and prove your parents wrong

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Surrogates are expensive, the old fashion way just requires some Hennessy and some drake

likefunny

I have interesting news for your parents: you don’t have to married to have babies 🙈

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It’s just preferable

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The wildest part about the way we (non-doctors) talk to women about pregnancy later in life is that we also all know people who struggled in their 20s or had kids after 35. Instead of recognizing that every woman’s body/situation is different, we project our own desires and/or insecurities on each other. I find this irresponsible specifically because we often don’t know what the person is dealing with. I know of people who were struggling with fertility in secret only to have every person they talk to tel them they better hurry up before it gets harder.

When it comes from parents it’s even more surprising. Wouldn’t you want your kid to focus on having a happy life and finding the right partner before adding that stress into the mix? It’s not musical chairs - you don’t hit an age and then let the next guy you date knock you up.

IME, no one is more aware of their biological clock than the woman who plans to have kids some day. Let’s give people some credit for being intelligent and capable enough to work with doctors to understand their specific biology and timelines, assess their own situation and risk, and make decisions for themselves.

I bought my first house and no one offered any advice to avoid getting screwed. I grew up not being educated about finances or how to plan for retirement. Yet the women (and sometimes men) in my life loved spouting off at me about how i needed to rush into settling down with someone and having a brood of kids before 30 ‘lest it be difficult later in life.’ And they spun that narrative without any helpful tips like - why don’t you have a conversation with a doctor about it. What that lead to was me married at 23 and pregnant at 24 with a husband who told me he didn’t want a kid when i announced it to him. That story had a very sad ending.

Where I am now - remarried, just had my first at 34 after having a conversation with doctors about my specific situation. My husband is the best father ever, we went through all of the pregnancy obstacles together, and we know that dream we have a lots of kids might be out of reach in a traditional sense but because we are intelligent people, we are making plans to support our desire for more kids in a way that works for us.

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Certain risks increase around d 30 I believe

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You missed my point RSM. It’s also not like risks suddenly happen at 30 or 35. It’s a gradual increase risk. Also, to the author of this thread: ‘for women aged 40 to 44, first birth rates have increased fourfold from the mid-eighties to 2012.’

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My parents had myself and my sibling in their early forties, and our understanding of fertility technology has only increased since then. Definitely not too late if you want kids!

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OP, do you and your bf even want kids? That's OK, too.

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OP, your parents have no knowledge of your fertility. Only you and your doctor can determine that, and your partner and his doctor.

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My parents were 40(mom) and 50(dad) when they had me, don’t count yourself out if you don’t want to

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It can still happen. Like the posters above said, there been countless examples of women having kids after 40

I am 41 and don’t have any kids (me and my spouse just recently decided to try for kids). My only regret in not having kids at a younger age is that I want to be able to enjoy my time with them. Having kids at 40 means I may not see my grandkids and I may be too old to enjoy with my kids when they’re adults

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Just have kids then. Don’t wait to be married if you don’t want to. OR- get married now and start trying.

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I mean you could just stop taking birth control or tell him to go in r*w

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I’m sorry that happened. It’s probably hurtful for them to “conclude” on something like that when it doesn’t actually align to your goals and desires.

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