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Hi! Single mom here too and I asked dad to leave when my daughter was 3 months. He took off and basically ignored our daughter for two years. She’s 4 now and dad lives on the other side of the country, coming to visit for a few weeks out of the year.
He’s never helped financially BUT I did file for child support years ago and while I haven’t received a payment in over 1.5 years, it keeps him in check to some extent.
Even if he’s unemployed the court will still force a payment bc they believe a child should be supported by both parents... and choosing not to work is not a way out of supporting a child. My advice is file for child support - he can’t fight it. You need the help and resources - if he’s an able bodied person woth a job he should be helping you.
And the housework and other stuff...
I read an article that single moms are happier than married women in some ways. In particular, we get less frustrated around the house- bc we have zero chance of being disappointed about not getting help. We know laundry is going to sit on a chair for two days and it is what it is.
What city do you live in? Have lots of single mom stories, tips and lessons I learned the hard way. If you want to chat DM me.
Just know you are doing it and you are doing the job of multiple people to give your little boy and amazing life
Of course! I’ll DM you tomorrow. If I’ve only done one thing right it’s handling her education! 😃
Mentor
That is stressful! And unsustainable. Do you have any childcare options?
Have you enough space to have an au pair? Its cheaper than day care in some cases. They live amf quarantine with you and can look after the son when you need to work. You give room, board and pay less than a nanny. Lots of agencies place au pairs. If you have a two bedroom house, share with your son and give the other bedroom to the au pair.
Agree with the above. I have been trying to bring in an Au-Pair for a few months. With many embassies closed overseas and no J-1 visas issued till December, it is difficult. I made a few posts in Russian, Vietnamese, Ukrainian, Arabic Facebook groups in my area and found a fantastic lady who has been a life saver as well.
I’m so sorry! You should talk to your boss about all of it. Also, invest into a good earbuds with a strong noise cancelling (better than AirPods Pro), this way you’ll be able to help your kid without leaving the call
Thanks! That sounds like a good investment for work.
Con: I am in my late 20s. And I keep studying, improving; I've done my best to work and maintain all housework. However I often feel tired; not sure if being a financial consultant in personal finance can support me and my son. I feel like i am trying my best but my NNA is three-four times less than my peers.
Need suggestions from mom: what are other options to me in order to make more and balance my life to babysit the little guy?
His dad is not giving us anything. He just walked out of the house. And it takes time to fight in the court which I don't want to do since I am trying to protect my little one.
Not many. With COVID-19, daycare is not an option at all. We have other options but need baby's daddy's consent. I cannot find him. He decided to walk away since there's too much pressure and he does not want to take any.
Legally it matters since I try to send my baby oversea where my parents live. He cannot get a passport without dad's signed, notarized consent.
Do you have parents that can help?
Yes. Both they cannot help forever. My mom need to return to work - she already helped me for months. My in-law is a senior and does not have the energy to deal with this little one.
OMG, so sorry. That's a predicament. Have you discussed it with your boss at all? Not all, but some bosses can be surprisingly human. I don't have any specific ideas, but you definitely have my sympathy. Sorry dad was/is such a 💩head. How do you do that to your own son?
Thanks. Baby's daddy is experiencing a difficult time. His parents divorced when he was little and never spoke with each other. He thinks its normal to just walk away like his dad.
My mom and I came to an agreement that she would retire early and I would pay her $750/month to watch my 2 small children (considerably less than I would pay for daycare or a nanny + my kids were always with someone I trust). Not sure if that’s a viable option at all
It's nice of your mom to do so but not a solution in my case. My mom gets panic when she cannot work. I talked to her on this but she thinks it's too much for her to take.
Does your employer offer an employee assistance program (EAP)? If so, try it! They may be able to help with referrals for many aspects of support you need... affordable child care, legal help for child support, short term counseling for you and your stress over job performance vs. family needs. And seriously, if babydaddy is so out of the picture that you can’t find him, screw his consent for anything.
Thanks. I did not know it covers that much. only leveraged the mental health consultation part. Will check
I’m sorry to hear this OP. My husband abandoned my infant son and I a couple of months ago, and it’s been a real struggle for me too. I don’t even have any family here to support me. I ended up taking some time off but worried sick about when I go back to work; I am going to get a full time nanny
I am sorry to hear that but I can relate. My parents can support us byt they live in a foreign country and can only be here within a limited time period. The first month my husband left, I took lots of PTOs to see counselor. I felt so horrible but now I feel good about not living with a guy who doesn't care about us - I don't need to prepare food and do his laundry anymore. I struggle with childcare since I don't trust others. I sometimes got frustrated with this naughty little boy and needed break; how am I expecting others being nice and patient with him? My fear is the nanny may do something bad or ignore him. Horror stories are like nannies pur chill pills in baby's food. I might be thinking too much but I cannot afford a high quality nanny while worry about the normal ones may be so bad.