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Having a boss whose fake nice when by their actions they arnt treating you well can feel weird and manipulative
I don’t quite think it’s fake, I just feel like he isnt as appreciative as other partners would be because he expects it because that’s what he does and always has done. I’m guilty of this too sometimes, but I always try to take a step back and remind myself that I shouldnt expect that much from people below me
Subject Expert
How does he expect you to work weekends and nights? He say so? Or he just sending you stuff and you feel pressured? Bc if the latter, that’s on you.
Subject Expert
OP, honestly, it’s a tough spot. If you don’t set boundaries, you’ll burn out. Do you let the partner know you can have X done by Y? If there is no respect for that, then there is no respect. And the future there depends on how much of a loyal dog you are. Some people find it worth it. Others don’t. I’d first try to resolve your internal pressures first and try and level set expectations. Take it one step at a time, see what happens.
Subject Expert
Do you think partner will actively support your promotion at the firm? If not, you need to start pushing back and work with better fits. I used to go above and beyond for a partner until they started taking advantage of it. When they reviewed me, the review made no mention of it. I professionally distanced myself from this partner and work with partners that actually have my back. If this partner is going to bat for you in reviews, I would stick it out but push back on timing.
This is key. If you want partnership and they will push for it, suck it up. If you’re not sure, have an honest conversation with them.
Subject Expert
You raised the bar for yourself by working late nights and weekends I’m guessing and that’s why he takes it for granted now. It’s a pro and a con, honestly, I’ve definitely gotten work at times because I’m a night owl and sometimes the only one awake to handle something/talk through something. (I personally make up for it with late starts in the AM).
But if you don’t want to be that person anymore, that is OK too. You’ll have to deal with some mild annoyance from this partner but I wouldn’t overthink it. If you want to set boundaries, set boundaries. Clearly he’s someone who works late nights and weekends. I hear your annoyance he expects late night/weekend work as a matter of course in the first place but he’s a biglaw partner doing this himself so clearly he made the decision at some point he’s ok with it (and in his mind that’s what an all-star future partner would do). It doesn’t sound like he’s going to burn you for not doing so as well, sounds like he just does the work himself and seems annoyed at you, so it’s not a terrible situation in biglaw terms.
Unfortunately you don’t get to have it both ways - you can’t both set boundaries and be the golden child associate. Doesn’t mean you can’t still be a great and successful associate but generally boundary setting is going to take you off the “favorite” list in biglaw. Learn to be OK with that.