{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’m a new hire and I’m a younger female manager and have two older south Asian men that report to me who were not happy that they report to me. 😢 I hate that just by my looks they judge me.", "post_id": "5d263169192a5e002101e064", "reply_count": 26, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

I’m a new hire and I’m a younger female manager and have two older south Asian men that report to me who were not happy that they report to me. 😢 I hate that just by my looks they judge me.

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Have to give it a little time to build trust. Seek their input so they know you appreciate their perspective, praise publicly, scold privately, and have your manager send them back your way when they come to him with something they should be coming to you with.

likeupliftinghelpful

Asian men reporting to a woman and don’t like it, they bypass her and go to her boss, that says it all. Sorry OP! Do what P1 suggested and hope your manager keeps sending them your way every single time when approached. I don’t think it is just about trusting your judgement which agreed takes time, I think they really need to learn how to work for a woman!

likesmart

Can you set them straight lowkey like “Im sure you guys have worked hard to be here as I have I and I’m excited to work well together to get where we need to go” or something

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This happened to me once, thankfully it was just on a 3 week diligence! My manager told that person to suck it up and go through me and that behaviour was “un-BCG” :) hopefully you can get your manager onboard too

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That's unfortunate, sorry 🙁 some great advice above!
However, I'm curious why you decided to explicitly mention 'south Asian men'. I think this is a far more common problem, across races.
Good luck and hope things get better for you!

likeuplifting

Actually, in my experience some nationalities/cultures are less used to having senior women at work. I work in Dubai, so you get very multicultural teams. I won’t generalize since there are always exceptions but that doesn’t negate that there is a clear pattern.

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Who cares what they like? They’ll get over it. You should set expectations now and let them know that you’d like to be included - as their manager needing visibility. You’re there to advocate for them, but if you’re left out of loop you can’t effectively do that. If they don’t conform, that’s cool, but it would reflect in their evaluations as well.

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If your take away is that I can’t accept feedback then I would read the other comments I’ve received and my reaction and appreciation towards those. They were productive—-and I appreciate them. I also acknowledged that
I could have had baggage based off of prior experience.

In my opinion You didn’t critically think...you assumed I was less skilled and that I deserved my promotion because I was a white woman. You also assumed I don’t treat them as equals.LOL!!! That’s not critical thinking.

You also said you don’t add labels of “brown” or “white” when in your reply you specifically said white women in your group get promoted before colored people.

I see a lot of inconsistencies in your replies. I did, however, acknowledge where I could have had bias. As far as I’m concerned this convo isn’t getting anywhere anymore.

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How do they express their unhappiness?

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By not including me in convos and then speaking to my manager instead of me. My manager told me they aren’t happy too...

Agree with P1. Once you’ve taken those initial steps, of their behavior doesn’t change, sit them down and discuss the behavior that’s unacceptable (not including you in communication, etc.), what your expectation is as their manager, and ask them what they will do to fix it. Square up the problem to focus on the behavior (and not the ‘why’ behind it) and put it in their laps to solve.

Those kinds of conversations may seem awkward to have, but doing so in a neutral/upbeat way makes it less weird. Definitely give your manager a heads up that you plan to do that so she/he is aware and will back you up if they try to go around you again.

Good luck OP!

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Great advice all around but I believe somethings at work are like a mirror.
Do you treat them diff because they’re south Asian?
Is there a possibility that they actually know more than you? Sorry to bring this to your attention- I’ve seen a lot of white women on my group promoted before colored people, even though they’re not ready for the promotion. Not saying that that’s you but the point is - do they feel unappreciated because their promotion is delayed for sone sad office dynamic? In that case you might have to treat them as equals and not people reporting to you. Think about it.
It might just be the case that they’re jerks too but always helps to think about things without blame and emotions

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Lol I’m brown and when I speak of people I don’t add labels like white or brown. Maybe op should have thought about those labels first? It’s just wow that women feel like berating each other if we have a different opinion. All I asked were questions and I caveated at the bottom. This is where we need to be critical.

Hey everyone, I know that there are some emotional responses, but let's all take a step back. We're trying to target the issue, not individual people, and I'm sure no one meant to come off as aggressive or judgmental. It's hard to tell tone over text so let's give each other the benefit of the doubt :)

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Thanks—-you’re right ❤️

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If you read the other replies your specific approach and unnecessary criticism and assumptions is what people are questioning. Others have given advice and feedback as well.

Look in a mirror! Don’t run away from it! ❤️

Lol I’m sorry but I never critiqued you - all I said was ask yourself stuff. It’s so useless to be helpful when all people want to hear is oh you poor thing? Thanks for the feedback I’ll try to not to help anyone next time. There’s a difference between critical thinking and poor me victim approach. Depends on how you want to be in this world. Don’t really care at this point.

And op last but not the least - I see women tend to herd up better with victim mentality- I could have said that too. But truthfully- would it help your situation even at all with the advice given to you prior? Or would it make your coworkers feel appreciated with my advice? Let’s start taking things for face value and not the sugar coat they come with.

What are you even saying?

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