The Power of Personality Workshop

I'm a woman of color and often times will see men on my team embraced for their passion and deep dives into topics while I'm told that I "shouldn't take projects so personally." Any advice?

likefunny
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🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 ugh I hear you girl...

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There is a very fine line between passion coming across as excitement or passion coming across as aggression. If the feedback is a constant with differing personalities and companies perhaps you are taking projects personally, I would suggest you record yourself in meetings on the DL and listen back at how you come across. It helps. Believe me.

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likesmart
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As long as the personal aspect isn’t distracting, it sounds like they’re doing what so.many.do. in this business: Defining men as passionate, and women as emotional. Eff that. Besides, making things personal is what ignites passion and true understanding. It’s better for the work! When self doubt creeps in, push through it.

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Perhaps it is. I would record yourself, listen back and see if there are any phrases you could adjust in the future. If there is nothing (highly unlikely as we all have things we could improve on) Then I would change companies as it’s a personality conflict and you won’t be able to change who they are. And you shouldn’t have to change for advertising.

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I’ve been told not to take things personally when I get angry. I’m angry that important problems are not being solved and I’m blocked from them. Also for context I am hugely appreciated at my company but sometimes I get so passionate about things. I’m not questioning that I need to calm down but the expression “don’t take things personally” irritates me even more, because this job sucks 1/3 of my life out, of course I take things personally. If they said “hey it’s just a job” that’s a way better response imo. It’s the “personally” that makes it sound condescending. Any thoughts on how to respond on the expression itself in an elegant way?

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likehelpful
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This happens a lot to WOC. An animated and effusive guy is a superstar presenter. You on the other hand, would likely be advised to tone it down. Noticed you never mentioned angry or aggression, but a reply did, suggesting you check yourself. Aggressive, unapproachable and angry are common labels for direct, energetic remarks from WOC especially Latinx and Black women. The feedback about taking things personally is actually ambiguous. And it is loaded with a negative judgement. What exactly does that mean? That you take disagreement as a personal affront? That you are too personally vested in a project? That you care too much? (Do your friends and family give you this feedback too? If not then it’s entirely possible that your pushing back is contextual— are your ideas typically overlooked or not valued? Are there other dynamics at play?) I suggest that when you hear that you say I’d like to understand what you mean by that. Listen carefully and ask follow up questions. But know this is not at all uncommon. It’s normal sadly.

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What you’re explaining is a systemic cultural work issue with women at large, and even more specifically with women of color. And it’s ridiculous. Of course you take your work personally - you are highly passionate about it! Sounds like you’re hot-blooded (one of our virtues), which is an asset when a deep love for what you do pushes you to be enthusiastic, and have an unrelenting fire. On the flip side, highly passionate (and vocal) women can be labeled moody and too intense, which can backfire to men who think they’re the only ones allowed to express themselves. I say keep using your voice, keep sharing your ideas, keep bringing your fire to work. Even better, be vocal about why you’re like this it how it works to benefit the team’s ambitions and works in service of meeting the business goals. Spin it so it’s perceived as your commitment to the greater good. Also, take the quiz to see if your primary virtue is Hot-blooded or one of the other 6. You get an instant overview of your virtue with some good feedback and insights about how to use it, and what to watch out for because of it.

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Yep! We’ll provided some thoughts tomorrow!

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love the Financial Advisor who thought this was funny...

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Ah they just can’t relate.

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