{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’m African and am dating an Indian girl whose parents are very traditional. They’ve been trying to find her a match. What are my chances of being accepted into the family? I would hate for me to be the reason she is estranged from her family. Anything I should do to increase my odds with the parents? I’m starting Hindi lessons in a few weeks.", "post_id": "614e4eb8e6f6a7002298d1aa", "reply_count": 36, "vote_count": 9, "bowl_id": "58f8108c753e990016608a0b", "bowl_name": "Desi Consultants" }

I’m African and am dating an Indian girl whose parents are very traditional. They’ve been trying to find her a match. What are my chances of being accepted into the family? I would hate for me to be the reason she is estranged from her family. Anything I should do to increase my odds with the parents? I’m starting Hindi lessons in a few weeks.

likeuplifting
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To put it bluntly, it will take a while. It may take a few or several uncomfortable months or years, but use each other as your support systems. My brother married an American girl and it took my mom a while to get onboard (at least a year to accept it and meet her). They get along fine for now. Five years later … was it her first preference? No. But I think she appreciates the effort my SIL puts into accepting Indian culture. Things get even MORE complicated if it’s the girl bringing home someone who isn’t Indian 😅 Indian parents’ biggest concerns are: what’s gonna happen to my daughter when I’m not around? Will she have someone to turn to for support and vice versa and will that person treat her with respect. Showing them that you deeply care for her and her best interests (again, this may be something that happens over months or years) will only help you build your case. Have you talked about what happens if her parents never accept you? Before you get in too deep, i would make sure she’s comfortable pushing back enough. Best of luck!!!

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Second what SC2 said. It’s not fair, but it’s the reality with Indian society. One big fear is going to be that you won’t try hard enough to keep the marriage afloat and would rather go for a divorce than work on the problems. I am not saying it’s a good reasoning , just helping you understand what biases may exist and actions you may therefore be able to take to pre-empt this bias. Good luck, man! I do sincerely wish you all the very best

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Indian parents tend to think of their adult kids as dumb teenagers. When her parents learn about you, they will speed up the matching process. They will pretend as if you don’t exist. Their logic will be that she has not met the right Indian dude that exists in their caste/religion/region and once she meets him she will forget you. I kid you not. As everyone has said it will be a difficult road. The biggest thing is how much your future wife is willing to take on the pressure. They will throw everything at her- emotional drama, silent treatment, relatives calling to tell her that she is wrong, maybe even severing ties, etc. Having said that they usually come around if they see you love and care for her and she is happy. Apart from making sure that her daughter is won’t be in emotional or financial trouble, the biggest thing Indian parents value is respect. Show them respect and talk to them politely. Humility is another trait that wins hearts. Don’t show off. Dress nicely but not over the top. Another thing- being with them doesn’t always mean doing something. Being there is more important than doing fun/cool things. They appreciate if you are around even if you don’t talk. Finally, do what you are comfortable with. No need to pretend to be someone else.

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Your chances are low, if you were white it would be less difficult. Are you ready to constantly be the cultural ambassador of your kind, hold yourself to a high standard of public behavior, be ready to deal with a life time of sideways glances, judgement and ridicule? I am sorry brother, but you are walking into a difficult thing, love will conquer many things, there are days when you'll need to summon every bit of that love to keep it together. It's not you it's our hang ups. I wish you the best. You are asking and doing all the right things.

likesmart

Gosh this is brutal but so true.

smart

Show them the movie Namaste Wahala!

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Nice! But seriously man, good luck with everything. Be respectful and inclusive of traditions and culture but also don’t bend over backwards for it. You’re marrying the person, not the “culture”, and anyone who says otherwise is toxic.

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Your girlfriend holds the key to this puzzle. Make sure she paints you as a perfect person based on her parents benchmarks. Basedn on your age you can decide how much time you want to wait in order to convince them or marry against their will. You have good chances!

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Mushkil hai dost... Naa mumkin hi samajhiye 👎

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Not to discourage - it will be tough.

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First, thanks for reaching out to this group. Just shows how genuine your intent is. Now to answer your question, it depends. Is her family looking for matches in the same caste / sub caste? If yes, it'll be very tough since I'm assuming they're very orthodox. If not, might be easier to win them over by understanding their values and showing similarities. In any case, you can't do it alone. Your girlfriend needs to really step up and have a foot firmly planted on the ground. At the end of day, her parents care about her happiness and future (I hope!! Sometimes societal status supercedes daughter's happiness) so anything you can do to assure them of that via your girlfriend will be helpful

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Totally depends on the general values of her family. Plenty of liberal and open minded families around! Don’t be disheartened. All the best!

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Hmmm it’s hard but I think they would be looking more at your family situation eg parents still together, job security, bank account, etc… seems super materialistic but those are the basics. Have you watched Indian Matchmaking? 😂

OP - you come from a no legacy and worked hard to achieve where you’re. In a family similar to mine, you would get all respect for your hard work.

You can win them over with your knowledge about Bollywood, Cricket and Indian food!! Also greeting them with Namaste 🙏🏻 can go long way. You got this. All the best!!

Don't think so 😳

Is she an only child? If yes, there could be some hope for you.

Biggest question, where do they live? In India or there? That will be the dealbreaker for you

honestly you have a mighty difficult road to drive on ....

Support India the next time we play a gane of cricket against South Africa.

It does not matter you are African or White or Asian, anyone outside the caste is treated differently. It is all about the girl's support.

Are you both the same religion Atleast?

Bro. Time heals, mends, and changes minds. As long as you and the girl are deeply in love and she makes that clear to her parents, they’ll cave eventually. I don’t know her parents, but it’s not unreasonable to think that they’d one day come to realize that they love their daughter more than their traditions/religion or whatever that’s stopping them from accepting you.

There’s a joke...a rude one at that...don’t bring home a BMW. Black, Muslim, White. If they’re very traditional - there’s a chance they think this way too. I’m sorry. But I agree, the key to success sits with your girlfriend :)

This “joke” could only be there in incredibly small number of families because Indians living in India only see Black or White people at tourist places or in television/movies. So there is rare chance that they’ll think or worry about their kids marrying a Black or White person. It’s like someone living in Ohio telling their kids not to marry a person from Rajasthan.

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