{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’m always excited to come home for the holidays but it never seems to work out well.. I grew up with an extremely critical mother which led shitty self image and anxiety/depression. I do the work/go to therapy every week but she’s still mean and anytime I try having a conversation she tells me how me having problems with her makes her want to self harm. I’m trying to support cause nobody should have to deal with mental health issues alone but also feel angry and drained. Don't know what to do", "post_id": "61c5ca196f75560039da6570", "reply_count": 12, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "The Work-Life Bowl", "feed_type": "bowl" }
null

I’m always excited to come home for the holidays but it never seems to work out well.. I grew up with an extremely critical mother which led shitty self image and anxiety/depression. I do the work/go to therapy every week but she’s still mean and anytime I try having a conversation she tells me how me having problems with her makes her want to self harm. I’m trying to support cause nobody should have to deal with mental health issues alone but also feel angry and drained. Don't know what to do

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Create some distance from her until you remove all of your trauma and learn to accept her, otherwise you’ll keep getting triggered.

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Thanks you guys - I think I need to spend some time mentally preparing myself to create the distance. It’s hard with such a close family member

If conversations about your relationship or behavior to each other always end with you feeling bad, try to avoid them: don't initiate them, and if she does, try not to respond, prepare some topics to deflect the conversation, if you can. It will be hard because we are wired to interact with others, but you know she is only pushing your buttons!
Good luck

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Absolutely lol my deflection rate isn’t 100% yet but way way better than it was even a year ago so we’re getting there

Same here. I'm about to see family after 4 years of avoidance and getting anxious. I now come with a kid and really don't want them picking on him the way they did me. Hoping for the best.

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How did it go?

Is she seeking help? You aren’t a professional. While trying to support her is noble, you can’t expect people who traumatized you to help you heal your trauma. And if she isn’t seeking help herself you are fighting a battle for her that she isn’t fighting in.

She isn’t despite a ton of conversations about starting - I’ve booked her multiple appointments, offered to drive, offered to attend with if it’d help. We come from a cultural background that has a lot of stigma surrounding mental health and she often tells me I just want to “complain” and hence talk to a therapist. Feels like a lost cause. Just sucks cause have been there and know how horrible it is so I don’t want to leave her with no support but you’re right - may be fighting a battle she’s not in

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