I’m Asian and just started dating a non-Asian lady - everything is great except she has done a few times the “slanted eyes gesture” jokingly, I haven’t address it cause I know she meant no harm but it’s starting to get on my nerves cause it still felt ignorant(she didn’t grow up around any Asian/Asian culture), what do you think?

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I mean, just bring it up and share why it makes you uncomfortable? If she doesn’t know better and has no ill intent, I’m sure she’ll happily stop doing it.

I don’t feel like this is that complicated?

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Call them out. My wife's white and she's far from being racist but sometimes she says stuff that's ignorant. Like "Babe your eyes are always closed when we take pictures together" .

I know lol.

If they're willing to learn why they're being offensive and if they ask more how they can avoid it, it's a good sign. Otherwise, walk away.

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But your relationship is on another level though. They just started dating.

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Red flag if you ask me, if they're making jokes about our eyes I can imagine what they might joke about regarding your culture

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100% not ok. I would talk to her about it and educate her. If she’s reasonable, she should understand and stop doing that.

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Do you think she would continue dating you if you casually referenced her Nazi ancestors? (Purely hypothetical, I know nothing about her)

Why does she deserve the benefit of the doubt?

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Hey all, thanks for all your inputs and sorry for not getting back to y’all. Long story short we talked about it, I educated her, and I ended it with her, I’m still in pain cause she was very good to me in many other ways, but that ignorance act should’ve been a deal breaker and I should have been more serious about it. I will hold myself to higher standards going forward, now back to swiping..

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We're proud of you! Don't discount your feelings. Best of luck with the next one

Bring it up to her. To give her the benefit of the doubt, she might not understand. And this might help to open up more conversations about cultural differences

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I don’t understand why it’s not a red flag to you. Like does she dare to make joke about black skin in front of black people? I don’t think so

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Ohhhh, that's a no go. I'd be so mad. That's on par with being told my "English is so good." Sure, no harm was meant, but it's hella ignorant. I'd be weary of having to take on a re-education project. Is she a fast learner?

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I think you’re trying way too hard to be accepted by white people. Especially in today’s climate, she should know her ignorance is Karen level behavior. I don’t care if she grew up with Asians or not. I didn’t grow up with black people. I don’t go around calling them the n word and rubbing their black skin out of fascination. Plain and simple, you’re allowing her to make Asians/you the butt end of the joke and disrespect/demean you and accepting her racism. Would you be okay if she did this to your parents/siblings? Why would you have less standards for yourself? Check her bro. Or better, leave her. Ain’t nobody got time for racists.

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I don’t think she means any harm. Some folks here are overreacting. Hope you don’t make your life decisions based on the suggestions here.

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For sure, me and my previous partner used to poke fun at me for being asian and I'd poke fun at her for being raised by racists

If it's getting on your nerves, then it definitely needs to be addressed

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Teach her the ways and proper manners.

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Does it offend you? Have a backbone. If it offends you tell them. If it doesn’t tell then that it offends others and to never do it again (at least in public or with others).

This isn’t hard. You don’t have to feign hurt feelings if yours aren’t hurt. But communication is key in any relationship and the sands of what’s offensive vs. not are shifting quickly and some are slow to adapt.

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When you say you are “dating” her, does she require $50 for every trip to the powder room and other assorted gifts?

I'm curious - how'd you meet, what made you guys start dating, what do you see in her, and what does she see in you?

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