Women In Consulting

I’m exhausted. Reached out to Former male colleague that I thought was a good/close platonic friend. I am currently engaged and deliriously happy. He agreed to reach out to the hiring manager

likehelpfulsmart
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I am just so fucking exhausted that me saying “hey I’m not okay with that” results in “You’re being too harsh.” Not just this one episode but decades of this (I’m 49). A true (male) friend said he’s lucky I didn’t post this on FB or Twitter. I wonder if men would change their behavior if they thought anything they did or texted had the potential to be posted on Social Media. I could use some advice I guess. I really want this recommendation to the hiring manager. Do I have to “suck it up buttercup” and apologize!?!!

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likesmart
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I’m a big advocate of posting on social media. I do think that’s the kind of repercussion that’s likely to make men think twice in the future. Definitely do not apologize

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likehelpful
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That sucks. 🤬😥 You’re a badass for confronting him about it directly. If you think he could learn, it might be worth sharing how it impacted your trust of him. And perhaps tying it into how it undermines you as professional no matter how many glasses of wine/boneheaded mistake this was- this behavior is a systemic problem for women in the workforce and not recognizing that is perhaps a bigger issue. Beyond that, may be worth reaching out to trusted counsel about what reporting culture/implications are like at EY. I recently had to report someone at my firm and it was scary but ultimately the right thing to do.

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I think the man already left and she’s trying to apply for a job outside EY...

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Totally unacceptable and he knows it. You were absolutely right.

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EY1, I’m so sorry you experienced this. This is godawful behavior. And him revoking a friendship that is really yours to revoke is a sign he knows what he is doing and wants you to feel bad about it instead of realizing how problematic his behavior was. He knows that makes no sense and you will get worked up because he’s shifted blame on you. That’s skilled manipulation right there. An angry me would send that to his boss. A collected me would leave no additional room for friendship and keep him very far away from my career. Also please don’t internalize anything D1 is saying.

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Just want to point out that whether or not you are engaged or married (which, congrats! Happy for you!) this is NOT OKAY. Crossing this line as aggressively as this guy has done is inappropriate regardless of your relationship status, especially when in the context of a professional opportunity.

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WOW! Omg the texts got so much worse as it went on! Talking work opps and platonic sidebars, and then he drunkenly brings up your white thong?? AND THEN goes, ohhh no you took that wrong I’m not interested in you like that. Mind blown 🤯 gosh... I’m so sorry this happened to you and has happened more than once. Bullshit but as I’m sure you know you’re a badass boss, someone I’m sure I could only hope to become, and you found the one! Focus on the good in your life and find solace in the fact that “Ed” 🤢 obviously has nothing going for him which leads him to behavior like this while being a grownnn ass man.

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Basically said “thanks for acknowledging your bone-headed move. I appreciate your friendship but . . You can see the rest in the pic.”

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Sounds like he evades responsibility. Definitely shifting blame. Just stop going back and forth.

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The guy is a creep. I might have said, “I assumed you were hacked, because the man I know wouldn’t send that.” and disengage. This is sexual harassment.

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likeuplifting
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Ugh. Some people...they can be educated and successful in one part of their life, and yet dumb AF in another. Block him and move on. Save the texts in case of an unlikely (but feasible) backlash in future.

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You should send him these posts!

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Wow. This is definitely sexual harassment. You have grounds to report it to his company’s HR.

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She can report him bc this is sexual harassment that interfered with the hiring process (for example she may not feel comfortable interviewing or applying for another job at his employer after this incident)

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likehelpful
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And . . . Scene:

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Well....at least he tried to save himself lol.

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And then I did respond:

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100% send to HR and never interact with this creep again

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omg I'm so lucky I never had experience working with creeps like this. but there's always bad apples unfortunately, sorry.

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Ed is a moron. How did he know about white thing? So curious..

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OMG 17 years!!!!! Talk about fixated. But no he doesn’t like you “like that”. Wow! Totally gross.

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About me re: a job I applied for. We chatted on the phone and I thought all was good. I woke up at 6 am yesterday to this:

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We move into the fall and suddenly folks twist up convos for invites to spoon. WTF

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Sorry to hear that @OP. Exhausting. Happy to try to get you connected to new roles, without that drama!

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I was blown away and my fiancé was too (bless his wee little heart; he had no idea women put up with this shit.) Didn’t respond at first because I was so shaken and he sent this:

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