I’m finding it so hard to be happy with what I have. Constant comparisons of social life, of salary, of relationships.

Any tips on leaving all that behind and focusing on the things that matter?

I might not make that much compared to my peers. I may not have a thriving social life. But I do have things to be grateful for.

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That last paragraph: delete the first two sentences. Expand the third. Say it to yourself every morning for the next 6 months. You’re welcome.

likeuplifting

Amen 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

OP I feel you. I am you. Rather, I was you. I wanted that FRIENDS group. I lived in the suburbs and wondered why I never moved to a downtown condo or city apt, in my 20s, when I could actually do it.

Point is, what ifs and have nots will always be there. It's a simple glass half full, half empty point of view. You have to consciously focus on the half full.

At some level, I felt I was special, I topped every class school through college thru high school, made it in D and been here a while, amazing partner and family. Yet, unsatisfied. Why? Sometimes we tend to feel we are special must undoubtedly be the best in everything everytime. That is an impossible perfectionist goal. It also.makes one constantly evaluate self and identify missing elements, even if you truly never missed it. Also, it's impossible not jaut for you, for everyone. Not every thing is as it seems, all the time. People have varying levels of resilience quotient and may not bare their challenges with even the closest ones, they choose to showcase the highs for positive reinforcement.

Be real. Live a little. Be humble. Every time something makes you unhappy, force yourself to think of the opportunities it creates for something new, look for the silver lining, look for what you have in hand that makes you happy today. Not every situation will warrant this, but you'll be surprised how many times it does work.

Also, read up on high functioning depression and imposter syndrome. Consulting side effects.

Good luck.

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Remind** . I meant to say, I'm not alone. Lol some major typos there

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People who feel that something’s missing in their lives almost never find what they’re looking for in material / ephemeral things.

Put your energy into things that last, that will add richness to your life in the long term and you will not have regrets.

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Starting to spend money on experiences vs things. Memories mean more than that temporary dopamine hit.

I feel this. Thank you, MD1

You'll never be happy with that mindset. Be grateful for what you do have and focus on things you are lacking.

I used to do the same, during and after college. No job/amount of money made me happy and it made me realize it's cause I'm not happy internally with myself, not because of any external factors.

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This is something I certainly need to sit with. Need to figure out why I’m so unhappy. Is it something about me that I can’t reconcile?

Volunteer

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Yes! Tried that. And the one time I made it out to the volunteer site, it was cancelled without warning. Will def try again when the world opens up. Can also do some pro Bono consulting.

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Lateral transition to McKinsey to support McKinsey digital? Solves the salary comparison problem ;)

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Deloitte Digital > McKinsey Digital sounds good to me

Just do you. Forget the rest.

I make 60k/year. Feel better? 🧚

...don’t feel bad though, I’m very happy at BCG and am married to a high earner so it totally works.

there's a lot of great books that can give you new perspectives (subtle art of not giving a f**k). these won't fix it on their own, but will definitely help.

I’ll take a look at the book. Thanks for the recommendation!

Dude... having a thriving social life is not all it is made out to be. They can be a major burden and such a lifestyle is expensive to maintain. Much better to find a good partner and focus on that one indispensable individual rather than a host of disposable acquaintances. You’ll find contentment soon enough.

I’m out shopping with her right now :)

But yes. It all started when I didn’t move into the city after college. Stayed in the suburbs with my family and I feel like I was socially stunted because of it

But my partner is awesome. I just feel that FOMO and have an unrealistic dream of having a crew like from FRIENDS or New Girl. It’s nuts but I know folks who have that.

Every morning write out 3 things you're grateful for. This is proven to help.

I have a daily reminder to log things I’m grateful for! But haven’t updated it in a long time. Nowadays I just swipe it away.

Start writing a gratitude list EVERY day. Get into this habit and do it consistently for a few months. I guarantee you will start to look at life differently. Speaking from experience over here. Your welcome.

Turn to meditation , it will change your thoughts for the better over time .

I hear tripping on acid works wonders.. not from personal experience of course..

Was asked to comment by several folks. This feeling happens often in this career. For me, I focus on my own work. I was a fencer in college, and wouldn't compare myself to folks who played tennis. They're just different sports.

A member on my team recently compared herself to others. I stopped her and asked her to create time to focus on herself, and together we identified opportunities for her to step up and develop according to her professional aspirations and prior background.

You might find this article helpful:

https://hbr.org/2020/08/feel-like-youre-falling-behind-your-peers

Other posts
https://joinfishbowl.com/post_0b1951
https://joinfishbowl.com/post_uqinp7

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