I’m from Australia and live in NYC. I find dating in the US is so much slower and wondering if others have found this who have come from or lived abroad. After 4 or 5 dates in Aus, you’re basically a couple. Here, it’s like you have to “see” someone for 6 months before either of you even bring up the conversation of exclusivity. I’m also guilty of this now living here for a while but my gosh, dating is a LONG ROAD.

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Today I learned I should move to Australia.

likefunny

Highly recommend as well! It’s a great place! (From another Aussie woman who lives in the US 😂)

funnylike

I think this might be specific to NYC, not the US... it's known as the "next best thing" problem in high-achieving city circles, where people don't want to commit because they always feel like there might be someone better out there. I'm guessing the guys you're seeing don't want to stop seeing you, but they also don't want to stop meeting other people.

NYC also has a high ratio of women:men which can make dating harder. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and our ratio goes the other way round- lots more men than women here. I haven't had this issue personally.

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It’s not so much that it’s slow, is more so that people are avoiding commitment and they string people along as they date multiple people at once. There’s acceptance and complacent with a dating style that’s more like “friends with benefits” without any commitment. You have to have thick skin in NYC and not tolerate fk boys. Be upfront, make your demands known, and move on if the situation isn’t worthy. If more girls did that, guys would get their act together (this is not to blame their problem on women, rather make men realize that they need to improve or women will walk away).

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Yes! This is the way.

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I also feel like because we’re all so busy in NY working and living our lives (covid has made this harder) there’s longer gaps between dates. Maybe this is why?

Who knows, but I’m tired 😂

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Me and my now husband met randomly through friends, when we all traveled for a concert out of state. We instantly connected in a way neither of us had done before. We ended up moving in together after only knowing each other for about 2 weeks. I was looking for a roommate at the time and he was looking to move back to the state I was living in. Instead of a roommate I got a live in boyfriend. It’s sounds crazy to move at such a fast speed, and I definitely don’t always recommend, but all that to say that “rules” around dating are bullshit. Sometimes when you meet your person you just know and all that shit goes out the window. We have been together for 7 years and married for 3.. so I say fuck it, speak your feeling if you care about someone.. you end up not wasting a lot of time finding out if your goals are even aligned.

likefunny

African in the US. Same experience. Worst in the big cities. West coast was a little easier because of the lower professional women:men ratio, but still not great. Siblings and almost all my friends back home are married. Relationships are much simpler in other places!

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Asian here. Same experience. Can’t be bothered to date anymore

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GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE ughhhh

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Hi from a fellow Aussie living in the US! Also same experience dating here

likehelpful

Oh yeah I gave up on telling people as well 😂

likefunny

Haha, similar experience as an Indian woman. Insanely slow pace, and I always chuckle and cringe when even after 4 or 5 great dates the guys keep a 5 day gap between the next dates. At this pace, I will be 50 before I can find that one true love 🤣

likefunny

I think it depends. I am in nyc and facing the opposite - I did not want to be serious so soon because I just started on the apps but felt the guys wanted to commit earlier. I guess it’s the grass is greener mentality? Was dating two guys for a few months before finally sticking with one - became officially exclusive (bf/gf after 6 months). Don’t think it’s a gender thing but more so it’s difficult to find someone who is on the same page as you. Or perhaps those couples who are on the same page don’t discuss it in forums because they have nothing to discuss 😅

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