I’m getting married within the next year to my same sex partner (a man) and the topic of last names has come up. He is a doctor and all of his official training licenses and research is under his current last name which makes changing last names impossible. I’m also the only male in my family to pass our surname so I’m pretty tied to my last name, but we do want a family and want a shared identity for our kids. Has anyone else been in a similar position? If so, how have you navigated this?

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Hyphenate your last names.

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The kids can have a hyphenated last name, or if he mostly wants to keep his name for professional reasons and doesn’t mind it, they can have yours. My partner dgaf about the last name our potential future kids would have but wants to keep hers for the same reason it sounds like your partner does. So neither of us will change our names but the kids would take mine

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Bingo

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Plenty of doctors and researchers change their names. It’s not impossible.

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As a person who hyphenated, I don’t recommend it. It’s a mess in so many systems and honestly not worth it. After 5 years we made the decision to just pick one and we’re changing our names now

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This. So accurate.

Legally we kept our own last names, but informally we go by a hyphenated last name.

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Same.

You could just use both names as a single last name for the kids. Mr Jones and Mr Smith, parents of Child Jones Smith.

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We got married in 2015, and both kept our own last names. Kids are not involved, so it was definitely easier in cleaner for us.

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We kept our own last names, but would definitely give our kids my last name for practical reasons.

Why not your partner’s?

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My partner and I will probably just keep our original last names. I know a lot of people also like to choose their own last names though which I think is really cool. If you're not planning on immediately having kids, I wouldn't rush yourself too much on figuring their last names out. That's a discussion you two need to have. My partner doesn't particularly care about the last name thing, but we're all different.

We’ve talked about doing a double last name. We may not even hyphenate it. My bf is Mexican and double last names are not uncommon in his family anyway.

Whether we change our names or not, we would give our kids both last names.

What is the issue? ??!!!

Hyphenating sounds cute at first but just don’t…it’s so impractical and what kid wants 2 last names.

We both have long last names (9/10 letters) so kids have one last name for middle name and the other for last name. Just pictured them having to learn to write out a hyphenated last name and having to do that their entire lives and were like, just no, we can’t do that to them right from the start! We each kept our last names. Been together 27 years so couldn’t get married until kids were well on their way…

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