I’m good at taking feedback (meaning taking action and being outwardly positive/FAKE) …. But I’m actually really hard on myself and cant help but feel self-conscious and incompetent. And yes I am a junior attorney loll and the only way I’ve ever cared and improved at something was by beating myself up.

Is there a way to get better and care without wasting energy on hating yourself/your work. ISO tips from anyone that’s gotten themselves out of the same or similar negative loop!!!

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Just realize you only have so much energy and cannot waste it beating yourself up. You need to accept the criticism, adapt/adjust/improve, and move onto the next project where you will do better. After getting enough constructive criticism from people you respect and trust and whose opinions you value, you will learn to take it less personally and accept that’s it’s part of the process of developing as a young attorney. You’re not the first to feel this way and won’t be the last. We all learned along the way from people criticizing and coaching us!

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Remember to stop periodically and look at your career holistically, it will give you perspective. Compare your work product last year to this year, look at how you have grown and be proud of what you have accomplished. There is always room for improvement and professional growth, and we should strive to keep learning. But it’s important to celebrate that process along the way as well, or it will always be a struggle to find any joy in the profession.

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I feel you. I don’t necessarily have an answer for you, but I can commiserate. I just escaped a two-week slump where I convinced myself that I was incompetent, everything was impossible, and I had no business being an attorney. This caused me to hit a mental wall and spin my wheels for a couple of weeks. Every time I endeavored to do something I told myself “you’ll fail.” It was awful.

I suppose it was the passage of time that helped the most, but I am also making an effort to stop the negative self-talk. I tell myself: I’m doing my best. My attempt likely won’t be perfect, but my partners don’t expect me to nail it on the first try. I am going to stop expecting myself to be as skilled as partners who have been doing this for 10-20+ years. I just have to lower my expectations of myself (set reasonable ones), because no one’s are as high as the ones I set for myself. Know that no one operates at 100% every single day. Remember that you won’t get a perfect score on everything you do in life and that’s okay.

I hope this helps. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I’m sure you are great at your job!

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Thank you for sharing this!! I’ll also work on interrupting my negative self talk too. We got this.

In order, its your job to: bill hours; not lose clients; not commit malpractice; get good results.

That’s it. If you do those things you will be perfectly fine. What do you call a mediocre legal mind who bills 2100 hours a year? A lawyer with a future at the firm.

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Someone told me that there is a reason it is called the practice of law and I found that oddly comforting.

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Take it easy on yourself, junior.

This career is a marathon, not a sprint. As for suggestions, what has helped me over the years (other than time/experience) has been meditation. (Hint: you are not your thoughts or work product).

I practice it daily in the mornings, and this practice has made a tangible difference in my life and work.

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Had a meltdown with this a year ago - got a long course of Cognitive Behavioural Theory sessions paid for by the firm. Sounds meh, and I would have thought that of it before i did it - but changed my whole perspective on work for the better. Would recommend.

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Good for you. More of us in this profession should embrace stuff like this. My own experience has been somewhat similar - between my meditation practice and learning more about human behavior, this completely changed my approach to work, deadlines, lawyers and clients. I applaud you for doing this work; and good for your firm that they paid for it.

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Just remind yourself no one is perfect everyone in big law feels the same and it’s okay. I found out that the partner who hired me has imposter syndrome. He had an incredibly successful career in PE investing and came to this job for “something to do” as he puts it and he still feels this way. Once I heard this I realized it’s not worth it. I don’t want to be 60 never have to work again and still feeling as though I’m not competent. Instead I tell myself I’m able to do 80% of things and that’s passing

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It's actually great you can take feedback positively, I for one can't especially when I think the comment is unfair. The trick is your outward fake positivity ("yeah sure will improve next time") but continue as you would. If you were to internalise all the negative feedback, you would just be grumpy and snappish.

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