I’m happily married now. Sometimes feel bad thinking about my single years. I was never pursued by anyone, never felt like I was desired by the opposite sex at all, never felt like anyone was trying to gain my attention or wanted to impress me in any way. I’m smart, reasonably attractive, tall, told I have a good personality, social, fun, outgoing, I’m also kind and a good person. But all of my dating years, never once did anyone like me or pursue me. Makes me sad. Must feel nice to be wanted..

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Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

there’s a difference between being desired and valued

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Sure, I get that. I don’t mean being desired as a purely physical function. I mean being wanted as a person.. I am not sure I can put into words what I’m thinking here.

How are you married then? Did you not date and get pursued by your spouse?

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Op , it almost sounds like you are missing out on some excitement even though you’re in a good marriage .

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This is not the romanticized vision you’ve painted for yourself. Those of us out there dating for years would much rather have what you have.

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I’ve been the pursuer in past relationships, and I sort of lost myself. They didn’t work out because I was molding my interests and identity around what the other person wanted.

This is not meant to invalidate your feelings in any way. Just came here to say your situation would be a positive for me, personally.

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“Being pursued” is some hallmark fantasy that doesn’t exist. If you want to go out with someone then just ask that person out (doesn’t matter if you’re male or female)

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I know what you’re saying, kinda in the same boat.

I can be your virtual romantic.

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