I’m having a hard time dating as a highly educated black woman. Any tips on flirting? Dating? How do I find someone who appreciates the queen I am?

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I expanded the pool of men I was dating and took off all filters other than religion, education, and political beliefs. Ended up engaged to a handsome white man who is in the same field, loves every part of me and my family (which was super important given I’m first gen), and does work daily to support my community. Being more open generally helped me a ton, and God brought me the man I was asking for; He just packaged him a little differently :)

likeupliftingsmart

Time to go back to NY. 24, independent, and gorgeous is getting me no where in LA.

Maybe try being more humble

likefunnyhelpful

Men have definitely entered this chat because I’ve always been so happy about the positive vibes in here and realized it’s because the other gender wasn’t in here.

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So, I am not actually super flirtatious but I get accused of flirting ALL the time because of the way I carry myself. I just smile a lot and say nice things to people. lol

So, here are some tips:
- find ways to gravitate toward them (within reason… I’m not saying be a stalker lol)
- smile!
- give compliments
- be playful
- find opportunities to give small touches in safe areas like a shoulder or knee (if the vibe feels right)
- bring up things they’ve mentioned before to signal that you’ve been paying attention (if it’s someone you see around often)

Best of luck, OP! Proud of you for knowing you are a queen and deserve to be treated like one. 💪🏾💛

likehelpful

I am in the same bowl….. This is a known issue in the black community the more educated a black woman is the more challenging it is for her to find a suitable mate. There are lots of articles and data that support this. If a man doesn’t feel that he can be a leader and a provider for you or his education matches yours he’s less reluctant to want to be in a relationship with you or date you because he feels less than or insecure. My situation is different because I’m also a single mom. I suggest joining professional networking groups, hire a professional matchmaker also consider younger men and if it’s an option, date outside your ethnic group. Good luck!

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Thank you for this advice. I appreciate you and good luck too!

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Thanks a lot for this detailed post. This is very helpful!

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What specifically about being highly educated affects your flirting and dating?

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That’s great and I completely understand. I would say he’s an anomaly still.

Same and I have no solution. To those who say expand your pool, how do you recommend doing that?

There is no how. It’s just being open to the possibility. When I met my husband, I had sworn off dating outside my race again. I had my heart set on a guy within my race. And, as time passed, I saw that I was missing out on a great person and asked him out on a date.

I changed my list of what I wanted in a man to the essentials. And, for me, it was 1. A man who believed in Jesus (non-negotiable) 2. Would adore me 3. Has a job and is self-sufficient 4. Would adore me.

And for #1, it does not mean he’s in church every day or week. Just that he believes. For me, with that list, I believed everything else would follow. And it has. And, my husband does not have the same education or kind of career I have. He has his own career and encourages me to pursue what makes me happy. The right guy will care about you and not about what’s on your resume.

I hope this helps.

likesmart

Check out “The Pink Pill” on YouTube. Hopefully her channel is still up but she also offers consultative services on her website

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