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Rising Star
I can be quick to judge someone as a bridezilla, but this doesn’t seem that crazy to me? It’s one evening plus the day of the wedding, it isn’t asking you to pay significant sums of money, or travel halfway around the world for an elaborate bachelorette trip, or wear crazy shoes… it’s just one day dedicated to helping the bride. It’s not like she’s asking you to make centerpieces every night for a month. I think of bridesmaids as being available to help the bride the day of the wedding anyway.
Chief
Seems totally fine to me 🤷♀️
You agreed to be part of the bridal party. Traditionally, this is to help the bride and groom plan aspects of the day.
I’ve done this for a friend as well. Not very one has huge, professionally decorated weddings.
Rising Star
Are the groomsmen helping with this type of stuff too, or is the couple only comfortable with using women for unpaid labor?
Chief
“Or is the couple only comfortable using women for unpaid labor” is adding a layer or unnecessary commentary/snark when you could have simply asked “are the groomsmen helping as well?” If that was truly an innocent question
She just wants free labor. No wonder she picked folks not super close
Now you know why you were asked to join the bridal party
Rising Star
Exactly
Chief
Yeah while I haven’t gotten that exact ask before, I would not think it’s unreasonable at all, it definitely falls under the “bridesmaids” responsibility, in my mind.
Rising Star
Yea - that would be a no for me.
OP, if you're close with other people coming to the wedding then you're helping prepare for the event that they are attending. Score some rapport points, the bride and groom would greatly appreciate it. You're already there for the wedding, why not help out of goodwill? If you don't want to get there at 6am, as someone else suggested say you can't make it till 8/9. Wouldn't you be grateful if people in your bridal party helped with random things at your wedding?
But if you're adamant on not helping, communicate to the bride you are unable to help because of prior commitments and be apologetic so that it's not "turned into a big deal."
I've helped friends set up and ouch up after their weddings, both asked and unasked. Those people were there ones who went above and beyond to help me on my wedding day, including helping me take my diy stuff back to the hotel, without me asking.
To be fair, all of the people I'm talking about are people who I would consider close (or a SO of a close friend), but if a friend asked me for help, I would. It depends on the people, but it can be fun.
Chief
My best friend decorated done aspects of the venue with her maid of honor at her wedding. I was a bridesmaid, but wasn't available that morning and she knew that in advance; she didn't care that I didn't help.
I definitely thought you meant it snarky! No worries.
Are you close with the groom?
That’s bizarre…