I’m in my late 20s & very much single. Every time I bring up something I want to do (travel, adopt a dog, make a big life decision in general), my family always responds “you should wait until you meet the right guy to do that” as if I exist to be a man’s companion and not to be my own full fledged person. It’s to the point where I’m deeply frustrated and want to lose it on them. Advice/has anyone else dealt with this?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Easy
1. Stop telling your family stuff
2. Go do the stuff
3. Meet a guy while you're doing the stuff

likesmarthelpful

Just 👏🏼go 👏🏼do 👏🏼the 👏🏼stuff👏🏼

like

Honestly, just don’t tell them about your plans ahead of time. Make the decision, and tell them after the fact.

I do this now with my family when I don’t want opinions. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m also married… opinions don’t stop once you get married 😊

likeupliftingsmart

This is the golden rule i've started following😆
Mind you, there will be a rough transition phase for your family to get adjusted to this new version of you BUT the peace of mind is priceless 💞

Have you done those things anyway? You can make your point without 'losing' it :)

like

Set boundaries that you want your family to respect. Let them know it’s important to be your own person and do things at your own pace. You’re not just existing to fine a mate. Sometimes the older generations don’t know any better. My mom asked me about if I would consider speed dating. Lol

like

Why would you need your fam’s approval to do these things in the first place? You can inform and share dreams without opening yourself up to consultation

like

I mean idk if it’s per se bad to “lose it on them” for saying this. I mean maybe don’t go ballistic. But stating what you are hear (about how that’s bs to wait for a man and you have to live your own beautiful life - single or married) might actually be helpful and good for them to hear.

Also agree w the others that just doing the thing and then sharing is fine too. Like go get that dog then say “hey I got a dog!” Or “hey I’m traveling to this country in April. Planning to go solo but anyone interested in joining for fun let me know!”

like

Stating what you are here*

like

Just do the stuff, yes for ffs - they'll support or not, you still gotta give your shot to everything you want to!

like

You are a treasure in your own right.

I'm 27F and single (and happy). I get the same thing too from my family. The best course of action is to nod and listen but only take the constructive parts of what they're suggesting. You don't need to let them know what you're doing way beforehand.

At one point, my mom had legitimately said to me "I don't think you should be risking going out unless it is for a potential romantic partner" after I let her know that I'm meeting my friends. Talking to her about my feelings didn't work. I found confronting them face on tended to erupt into full on arguments. I find that if I just nod, it finishes quickly. It is frustrating because it feels like they're implying my achievements have no value without a partner. As such, I've decided to ignore and stop internalizing those comments.

Ultimately, their comments is coming from a good place. I'm a second gen immigrant too so cultural forces are also at play here. Eastern and Western cultures tend to clash on this point.

like

My parents tell me this all the time. They think this for a lot of reasons, all cultural so I can definitely relate! I am also very frustrated with their thought process. This doesn’t impact how I live my life really but it’s depressing to think that my parents have such little respect for me as an individual. Like I’m just meant to be passed off as someone’s responsibility.

As a first gen eldest daughter, my entire identity is the opposite of this. I feel like I took care of myself and my family my entire life. I’m also financially supporting them now. It’s really insulting, but I don’t think they’ll ever understand.

If you think your parents will understand, it might be worth talking to them about it. Otherwise, I just trust my parents are coming from what they think is a good place and try to create some space so that I can easily walk away from these convos. It’s not worth your time/inner peace.

Related Posts

My SO and I have had so many video calls while WFH that our pup thinks his name is “OK, bye!”

Post Photo
likefunny

What would you say is the greatest factor in reducing modern racism? Music? Togetherness through pain (terrorism, Trump, Charlottesville)? Shows like United Shades of America or Parts Unknown? Media in general (including ads)?

like

Just wanted to share this with people who would understand. Had 4 IEP meetings last week. When the case manager asked one mother if she had any concerns she said her only concern was that her kindergarten son with autism loved me so much she was afraid of him being promoted and being out of my room. I told her not to worry, in our program I will have him for 2 more years. Boy that made me feel good.

likeuplifting

Is anyone trying to improve their mental/overall emotional health but no one close to you is working on themselves the same way? It’s just frustrating bc every time I talk to some friends they still get the same type of judgmental reactions like we used to be like 10 years ago. I’m just trying to live and accept everything but I just don’t feel like they get it.

like

I have an opportunity to be a Food and Beverage manager for a hotel I have been for 6 years. Currently I am overseeing all operations but want to focus more on the F&B world. Would anyone know how much salary I should be asking for this role?

Do you travel internationally with a luxury watch?

like

Can you be married to a partner at another Big 4 if you’re a partner at a big 4 (I.e. If I’m a partner at pwc can I be married to a Deloitte partner)?

like
like

Time to board the flight. Bulldog? Check. iMac? Check. Seems like a better option than mine.

Post Photo
likefunny

Difference between having female baby doggie and male baby doggo? I’m confused which one I should get!!!

like

i just had sex with my wife after like 11 months (reason for the gap: pregnancy+new baby).

And. It. Was. Life-affirming.

likeupliftingfunny

Anyone gonna be in NYC on Halloween? I’m hosting a happy hour until 8pm. I don’t want to just hang out in my hotel after. What’s goin down?

Delta medallions who flew last Monday - do we get 20k points instead of the $200 dollar voucher or do we get both? Points hit my account but no voucher.

like

Mother has a decent nest egg ($3M) and lives in an extremely LCOL area. Currently manages money through RBC, however the fees are a gross operating expense of 0.36%. What do you all recommend? I’m not savvy enough to manage it myself however I know that fees can stack up and kill returns. Would appreciate any insight/advice/snark.

like

Has anyone had an FET cycle canceled due to high estrogen? My estrogen was at 338. The ultrasound detected a hormone producing cyst. Our RE thinks the cyst should be resolved in the next cycle or two. We've been ttc for our second child and it's been one set back after another.

like

Hi fishes
I am about to join morgan Stanley in the month of February. And I am pregnant got my results today.
1.do I need to inform this now itself or after joining. I am in fear whether they revoke my offer if I say this now.
2.do they have facility to offer me wfh for atleast an year considering my situation

like

How much travel would you consider to be reasonable on a daily basis for a client?

likesmart

Vote United for Change

Post Photo

I’m joining Accenture Federal soon and had some questions about parental leave. First, is there a minimum timeframe you have to work for Accenture before they let you take maternity/parental leave. Secondly, in the recruiting brochure maternity leave is separate from parental leave. Can you take both of you are the primary caretake for a total of 4 months?

like

If u got an offer and usdc matched it but said u may need to move to core ( increased travel) would u stay or move to core/usdc?

like

More Posts

Has anyone else ever felt like they had to choose between design and advertising? I feel like I’m at a crossroads and my portfolio as it stands is 50/50. I always thought it was good to be able to do both, but I’m hearing feedback that I need to focus on one or other in order to move up the ranks. Curious what others think.

like

Planning Directors: market and salary?

like

EY vs. Accenture Cyber Security Manager offers. Marginal higher base w/ACN. Which is better WRT career growth and WLB? Echoing previous post from C1.

like

Did anyone have an opportunity to make a career pivot but turned down the opportunity, and regretted later? Or was the absolute right decision? I have an opportunity to switch careers. I’m already in a good role (managing an analytics team at an established pre-ipo tech firm) and started here 5 months ago. But I’m wanting to try something else (product management). I got an offer from a startup to try out the role but am scared I might fail at the role or the startup (series A) will not do well

like

Nokia or wipro which one to choose , as wipro is paying more than nokia.i am bit confused about it.

like

Cut my yoga session short today because I was feeling extra sad and overwhelmed. That sucks. Oh oh.

like

Any opening for 2 years of experience for Tester?

like

Just needing a safe place to vent. We were extra vigilant about the holidays with our two kids under the age of 5 requiring everyone to test and be vaccinated and keeping our gathering extremely small. Nope…not enough. We are now quarantined because my kids can’t be vaccinated and are too young to wear masks. Thankfully my husband and I can rotate parental obligations so we can work, but I’m exhausted and it’s year end so extra busy.

like

Do we have any RPA BA in this group?

RPA Business Analysts?

like

Just saw a banner ad for Smirnoff. Headline: Welcome to the FUN percent. Y’all need to stop it with this nonsense.

likefunnyuplifting

Does anyone getting similar mail daily :Know Your IBM January'22 - Register Now ?

Hi all,
I am trying to prepare for FAANG as SDE-2 or SDE-3
YOE - 7

Current CTC - 16.5 L + 3.5 Variable

What should be my expected salary?

like
like

Anyone have a Dagne Dover work bag? I’m trying to decide between the Classic Tote or a medium Allyn Tote.

like

Hello

I am looking for Job change serving Notice period
Qa automation with4+ years of experience

Reminds me of Amber Heard

Post Photo
likefunny

Hey guys , I am conducting survey for Amazon . (Only software engineer+ pm roles) Would be very helpful if you just comment your preferred option below
1. Work life balance depends on the team. Some work for 60 hrs a week whereas some work only 30hrs a week. Avg is 50 hrs
2. Everyone's work life balance is poor in amzn.
3. Work life balance has improved in recent years.

like

I planned to visit home this winter but just heard from immigration team that they can file i-485. Given it might be complicated to travel, would you still travel? Not too sure how long I need to cont

like

Hi Everyone,
Need some valid pros and cons for Value Momentum in regards to (WLB, Work options, HR Policies, Onsite opportunity etc)

Hi! I got an offer for a job with a little lower compensation than what I asked for. I did some research and find out that the same position in the same organization has a record of giving higher compensation. Should I ask for the originally asked compensation?

like

Additional Posts in Women In Consulting

Any tips on insomnia? I have trouble falling and staying asleep. I was up till 4am last night and 3am the night before and here I am wide awake again (and i’m not on my phone the whole time, i’ll pick it up after a couple hours bc I’m so bored). It doesn’t help that my husband can literally fall asleep in seconds and snores so loud. He is even sleeping in the guest room tonight bc I have an impt meeting in morning but I still can’t fall asleep. Even took a melatonin a couple hours ago. Help!!!

likehelpful

Hey 🐠 I have recently realized that my verbal communication is not the greatest. It’s not bad. I just don’t sound like my boss(she is great). Any advice on courses/books/podcasts/prep/anything?

like

Started dating a surgeon I really like, but find conversations dry sometimes. He talks a lot about his work and idk anything about medical field so I just listen most of the time. What are some good topics to talk about?

like

How often are you ladies, living with their SO, having sex in the current situation? Pre COVID for me it was 3-4x a week but now he doesn’t seem to be into it. Spends his day working & nights gaming😭

like

Question! I’m attending a fall wedding in England in a couple weeks so it will be a bit chilly - is it appropriate to wear a whitish/cream wool coat over my (red) dress? Not sure if the no-white rule applies to outerwear as well

like

Divorced mom (no travel) 1 yr ago. Separated 3. I’m starting to think abt dating but I had married my second boyfriend & lack dating exp. On bumble. Rebound vs. relationship? Miss friendship & trust

Talk some logic into me please. Been seeing someone for 2 months. We both agreed we aren’t ready for exclusivity & don’t know if we see long term with each other (both have been divorced & hesitant to hop into anything) but that we wanted to continue to see how things develop. We both been on dates with other people. He shared he went on a 2nd date with someone last night & it went well. Why do I feel so cruddy? I’m thinking about what if he likes that person more than me, & commits to them

like

Hey ladies, how to make 2019 less toxic and more of self love in this consulting world? Suggest your own ideas.

likehelpful

Anyone get revenge on their ex? I want to hear your stories!!!

likefunny

My cleaning lady now drives to our apartment and finds street parking. She got a ticket last week for not seeing the signs. I suggested to her if the signs weren’t clear she could contest it. I’m struggling here - should I pay for the ticket? On one level, she has worked with us for a long time, but I also don’t think it’s necessarily my responsibility. I give her a nice bonus and raise each year. Do I pay it once as a good will gesture? She has other clients too that she drives too.

like

I’m not sure if this happens to you, I’m constantly intimidated and feel judged by white men and women and/or people born in the US for having a strong foreign accent in the US. Nobody says that to my face, but I can see it in people’s actions. This has severely affected my confidence and I focus more on the way I pronounce some words rather than the content. How do I battle this situation? Would definitely like both perspectives.

like

Has anyone gone to see a nutritionist? What was your experience like? Worth it?

like

If anyone has experience with a SO sending money overseas to family members and is not okay with it, how did you find a resolution?

I know there is going to be a lot of details that may polarize people so without airing all of my personal details I will say… these woman do not work, have no plans to work, are 15 years my senior, and are living an upper middle class life.

like

Have you ever been rolled off a project early, even after getting good feedback? Is there something wrong or just the needs that changed? Can't help but feel hurt.

like

I recently decided to slow down communication with one woman on my team because she is constantly trying to have social conversations about her personal life/beliefs and it was super distracting. She noticed that I had been responding less and completely went off on me!!! Why are people like this? This woman is close to 40 and I am 2 years out of college. Is this behavior normal/has this happened to anyone else before? I swear I feel like I’m in middle school again.

like

In need of some positivity…what’s one thing you’re looking forward to?

like

Anyone buy an inversion table? Results?

like

Feeling discouraged about my career path. A year into this job and I feel like I’ve taken a step down in terms of growth and responsibility from my last job. I used to be in a position where (cont...)

like

Anyone here ever stop blonde highlighting their dark blonde/light brown hair and go back to natural color? Tired of blonde turning brassy and want to go to a more natural color. Transition tips?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal