I’m interested in knowing how those of u with non-desi SOs have managed the cultural differences and made it work. Any perspective would really help me as I really like this gora but cnt not overthink

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Posting as :
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Step1: stop calling them "gora".
Step 2: rest of the advice on the thread

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cultural similarities are very important unless one of you are 100% ok with adjusting endlessly. you cannot teach culture to an adult ..either they have it or they dont..my cousin brother married a white girl and since then he had only visited india twice . his wife never...he is still happy as he was always a wannabe American anyways... it depends what one wants in life

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I’ve tried a lot but never overcame it. Either I had to stifle being Indian until one day I came from dance class in a salwar to him asking “what is that???” or I express it fully to him faking interest.

In the end he started just using some spices in his cooking, but it’s like pulling teeth getting him to watch Bollywood movies with me. When it was time for my baby shower my own family had to throw it instead of my in laws, and my in laws attended it like guests instead of arranging it for me or understanding me as THEIR family now🤦🏻‍♀️
You can’t remind anyone of their duties when cultural differences are just that—-differences.

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I’m married to a desi and still can’t get him to watch a Bollywood movie with me 🤷🏽‍♀️.. many of the other things you said apply to me too in terms of events that have happened (like throwing showers, helping out with specific events etc.) but i dont take that to mean the “apnapan” is missing. It was so situation specific and it was not easy for them at that time to do anything different.
@OP - my 2c. It’s completely dependent on the person and family dynamics.

You won't overcome the differences completely unless the American is one that knows about India, is curious about the culture and is keen to learn about it. There are some that go backpacking there (also Europeans) and fall in love with the culture and stay back. Some come back but are always keen to keep in touch with the culture and join their Indian friends in the US for Diwali etc. My spouse has an American friend that wears a lot of Indian clothes, is interested in the culture etc. If your boyfriend is not like that then I'm afraid it will always be adjustment and compromise... Maybe more for you from his family's side than for him.

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What kind of differences are you concerned about ?

I think for those who were raised in the states, it boils down to religious cultural differences. People tend to make compromises here

I married to a north indian... and I’m from the south... there’s plenty of cultural and traditional differences in itself. All of it comes down to the person and the family you are getting urself into.

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