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"post_content": "I’m just really frustrated and need to get things off my chest . I been dating my boyfriend for 10 months . He hasn’t said I love you to me. On top of that he is petty about me living my stuff at his place , because he can’t leave his things at mine (Muslim , live with family . Our culture we don’t tell our parents about dating ). Then he scolds me for not telling my family about him …we don’t unless a man proposes to us . My boyfriend is Colombian . I’m middle eastern . Lately, I genuinely",
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You’re not over analyzing or needy, showing affection and compassion to your partner are fundamentals of any relationship
Are we just brushing under the rug the fact that OP has no plans to even tell her family about the guy let alone introduce him to them? How is this guy supposed to feel secure in the relationship knowing this? Perhaps that’s why he’s not comfortable to say I love you.
That’s not the culture of her family. She is probably more likely to tell them about him if she feels like he is invested. Otherwise what’s the point, especially when they are not accustomed to being exposed to dating life before it’s serious between the two people? His culture tells him it’s normal to do that but hers doesn’t. Neither is right or wrong they just have to understand and respect each other’s. If he isn’t ok with it, he can leave.
I don’t think you’re over analyzing. It sounds like this person isn’t displaying the traits of a good partner. There are some red flags in your message and it’s clear that you are feeling them too. In your message, you question his motives for being with you. I wonder - why are you with him?
Chief
^ communicate clearly, often, and honestly
Devil's advocate: he may feel like he isn't important to you if you don't share the relationship with your family. It's a natural progression of a serious relationship. If you stick to your cultural social norms, then the feeling will likely always exist. Considering you always have to go to his house, that could be a stressor too. Think about how much you learn about someone by being in their home, seeing how they live etc. He does not get to have that perspective. Sounds like he is shutting down. You may have too many cultural differences to grow and have a future together. I would be turned off if the only way I could meet my partner's family is if we were engaged. I also would not date anybody that still lives with their parents.
Asking for something he isn’t willing to do is such a Big No No and unwise. If he isn’t telling his parents then I don’t think it is right for him to expect you to. Trust your gut feeling.
Honestly, I think you both need to have a conversation about your needs and your expectations. You both probably need to compromise on some things. I wouldn’t feel understanding if I dated someone for almost a year and he was still hiding me from his family, no matter the cultural norm. I also wouldn’t want to be a year into a relationship without hearing “I love you.” It sounds like it’s time for some honesty and compromise from both of you.
Wonder if he even loves me or he’s with me because he’s bored . He doesn’t let me vent , he doesn’t say I love you , he isn’t nurturing . Or am an over analyzing needy woman
Pro
Ok if you are really this reactive over 1 sentence then you should reevaluate your priorities...
Conversation Starter
Did he change or was it like this from early on?
Been like this
Chief
Have you told him you love him? Fast way to answer this question
Chief
He hasn't said I love you He doesn't act like he loves you He doesn't seem to love your culture So aside from simply having someone to be in a relationship with, what are you getting out of this?
If he truly loved you he’d try to understand your culture and acclimate/make things comfortable for the both of you. He’s not doing that.
He sounds so much like my ex. Then when you got to the part where you said he’s Colombian it made me wonder if it really is my ex. Lol. I can tell you I’m really glad I broke up with the guy who wouldn’t respect my feelings, and I’ve developed substantially more self respect since that time.
Was he a cop lol ?
Pro
Have you told him you love him? Cause if not... There is no rule that men always have to say it first. And 10 months is not like an eternity... You can't force people's feelings. About the cultural diffrrence thing, just talk to him and clearly explain why he cannot do abc ... Even if he doesn't agree with something, he has to respect cultural differences or at least try to understand. If he can't make that effort then it is not worth it. At the same time, you also need to make space for his needs, it is not all about you, what you need to hear, what you want him to do or not do