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Well if it’s an important need for you and is going to go unmet then I would think it could be an issue. As a minimum, I’d talk with SO about your desire for this for you (as child in relationship). I’d also explore whether you’re worried about how close/distant your future children (should you choose to have kids) will be with you. Does your heart ache more for family relationships where you are in the child or the parent role?
It’s also potentially solvable:
Therapy to help you understand and move past the unmet need or fulfill it in another way.
Start transitioning the relationship with your parents. Talk to them about what you’d like to change with them. Be persistent in reaching out and talking about friend-type stuff (at least some of it). Ask them for advice. Invite them into your life.
See if you can build close relationships with SO’s family.
Would you break up with your SO if they had a close relationship with their parents but you dont like the parents or the parents dont like you?
How “important” is your SO’s family to you?
I can’t effectively communicate with my husbands family because we don’t speak the same language. It has never bothered me but I can understand if that was a no-go for someone else.
I don’t think this needs to be a dealbreaker if everything else about your SO is great. It kinda stinks since this isn’t something they can necessarily control or change about themselves. IMHO, no one will be 100% perfect, so I think you need to decide for yourself if this is a must have or a nice to have. Can you see yourself being happy with this person long term and building a life with this person if they aren’t close to their family? Also even if you don’t have a close relationship with your parents or SO’s parents, that doesn’t mean you can’t foster that into your future family if you choose to have kids.
Would you want your SO to break up with you because you weren’t close with your parents?
Rising Star
Something to consider - often we are attracted to people with similar relationships to their family because they “get” us. This isn’t always the case, but you may consider if some of the ways in which your SO is distant from his family may resonate with you if you also are. I think MK1 gave great advice around thinking about how to get this connection elsewhere or building something with your own parents. I think that will serve you better than looking for something like this in an SO - who has no control over it!