{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’m on Chapter 21 of Becoming where Michelle Obama states people pay more attention to her clothes than her actual words. I can relate to this on a smaller scale. My former manager in 2019 would poke fun at my hair color (I’m going grey and love Overtone) rather than ever give me feedback on my job performance. I finally confronted him and told him I’m not sensitive but it was “getting old.” Can anyone else share a similar circumstance?", "post_id": "6015be5cc7f086002fdf353d", "reply_count": 5, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "58f8171d753e990016608c07", "bowl_name": "Women in Tech", "feed_type": "bowl" }

I’m on Chapter 21 of Becoming where Michelle Obama states people pay more attention to her clothes than her actual words. I can relate to this on a smaller scale. My former manager in 2019 would poke fun at my hair color (I’m going grey and love Overtone) rather than ever give me feedback on my job performance. I finally confronted him and told him I’m not sensitive but it was “getting old.” Can anyone else share a similar circumstance?

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I don't wear makeup because I don't like it. I keep a good skin care routine but don't do much more than that. I get asked, by other women, if I hate myself or ask if it's against my religion or something. That I'd be prettier with make up on. I'll be honest, it's also some laziness. Why spend an hour putting on makeup that I'll just smear or sweat off, plus give me zits when I could use that for sleep or workouts? I find I get judged harder by women than men when it comes to clothes, etc. I wear practical, comfortable cloths that are office appropriate. Granted when I go to a new client meeting I do dress up, but 90 percent of the time I'm in a cube or installing heavy equipment that would just tear up nicer clothes.

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I can relate to this feeling. My boss still gives me meaningful feedback, but when we were going in the office, there was some comment on my appearance everyday. It was always neutral and never offensive to me, but sometimes you just wanna exist at work without being reminded of your physical being. I feel you.

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i don't understand how this is ok. if it's not going to help you do your job better, it's not feedback. in fact, it sounds like age harassment.

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I’m a mechanical engineer, and before I worked in tech I worked for a contract manufacturer. I was the only degreed engineer at the company at the time and they seemed shocked at my competence from the day I started working there. That’s another story... but there was one salesman particular who constantly talked to my breasts. We didn’t have customers visit often, but on one occasion he actually brought a customer to my area and said “Isn’t this what an engineer should look like?” Never a compliment on the quality of my work, only my appearance. I spent nearly nine years of my career working there on and off and all promotions went to the good ol’ boys who were far less educated and less competent. I’m sometimes happy that I’ve moved on, but the pace and variety of work there was a good fit. I’m still trying to find a good fit but I’m thinking I’m more likely to find it outside of tech and manufacturing.

I definitely feel this. I am a newer PM and know I tend to look younger than I am to most and have been getting comments on my appearance for years from those who should be commenting on the content of my work instead. I am currently dealing with this in review sessions with my skip level boss who is both older and from a different cultural background and assumes that I should be flattered when he comments on whether or not I put on makeup or dressed up on our zoom calls. Beyond frustrating and interferes with actually getting to talk about my work without it seeming like I am completely ignoring what he is saying (which I tend to have to do).

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