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I can’t believe the responses to this. OP, Congratulations on the baby and I don’t think you came to this decision to quit lightly. Wish you the best of luck. Don’t feel too guilty, It’s a business and so they’ll recover when you leave. If you really feel terrible, give notice earlier and offer to help train/catch up the new hire. This might be helpful to them.
Was this post about deciding “between being a mother or being a lawyer”? No. First of all, that’s a shitty (and I think sexist) way to frame someone’s personal choice to be at home full time. Second, even if that is the choice that were on the table, OP made it clear she already made her choice: she wants to stay at home. I’m not judging that, and I don’t think A2 was either. I am urging OP to be considerate on her way out the door, and to not just think about how to make it look like she didn’t take the firm for a ride. (For the record, OP, I don’t believe it was your intent to go on maternity leave and quit. It’s just what happened. And that’s perfectly valid. Being honest about it is better for your relationships with those people in the long run, and you never know if you’ll want to go back into practice one day.)
I think you should go back for a month contrary to some of these comments. You might feel differently once the initial transition back to work and away from being with your baby full time is over and if you do decide to quit you won’t have “what if’s”. The firm will survive and while it sucks that people discriminate against women because they think we will all have babies and quit, that is NOT your responsibility to fix. Your responsibility is to make the best decision for you.
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Definitely the way to go OP. You’ll make the best decision for you and your family!
To clarify—I’m going back because I want to be sure this is the right decision. I feel I owe it to my firm and my partners to at least try and see if my feelings are different once I’m back at work. I think quitting without even trying is far more underhanded. My leave was paid for by a disability policy for which premiums were deducted from my paycheck.
Also, to those who suggest I was “gaming the system” or always intended to do this — I was on an expedited partner track (3 years rather than 8) and billed 2200 hours per year at my last firm as a second year associate. I had a caseload of 100+ complex medical malpractice cases for the largest healthcare insurer in the country. I worked late, I worked weekends, I was available whenever I was needed. I was sure I was going to be the youngest partner at the firm and be able to do it all while having a family. Even at this firm, I tried a case at 36 weeks pregnant and worked the late hours and weekends that accompany the life of a trial attorney. I loved it.
Then my husband and I actually had a baby, and my world changed. I didn’t anticipate it and I couldn’t have changed it if I tried. Unless you have kids, you can’t fathom what it’s like (I know this because I couldn’t have imagined being this way pre-baby). I’m not faulting you—it’s just the reality of the situation. To those of you who have been supportive and understanding, thank you for not making a very hard decision even harder.
Nothing but support here. If I could take a few years off financially, I would definitely do it. Litigation is not an easy field for new moms (or moms in general).
Anddd this is why firms continue to hesitate to hire young female candidates (especially those who are pregnant).
And by that I mean, why should you care about the firm. They can get rid of you in a heartbeat for whatever reason they choose, so I don’t see anything wrong in getting rid of them 🤷♀️
We had an associate at my former firm who felt the same way. She is an extremely gifted writer and was very valuable to the firm. She works part-time from home and occasionally comes by the office if needed. It has worked out fabulously on both sides.
Have you considered whether you might be experiencing symptoms of PPA which manifest in you feeling not okay about working and parenting?
Hope that you’re not experiencing those feelings but wanted to acknowledge that many people experience this as new moms/parents.
People leave firms all the time for a variety of reasons. This is a great reason. Congratulations on the addition to your family!
If you are still really undecided (which I'm hearing you say) going back is certainly a good way to test the question, but remember that going back when the baby is 3 most old means that first month you have a 3 mo old baby who is not yet in the routine of alternate care, not are you used to it yet. That month will be the hardest for a bunch of reasons. Just know that it will not always be that hard. That said, if you get to the point where you say "I can't/don't want to do this" and you therefore have nothing to lose, also consider your option of asking for a lower billable target or flexible hours or both. If the alternative is you walking out the door and you tell your firm "I'm realizing this isn't working, what are my options?" you may find there ARE, in fact, options. I have a number of friends who left the practice after having kids and then had a very, very difficult time re-entering when the kids were older. I went to a reduced target but kept working and once the kids were older (teens) I went back to full time. I really, really encourage you to find out what your options are before you step off for what could be forever.
Yeah, especially since it sounds like you loved the job before the baby and have demonstrated a strong work ethic and commitment before this. If you’re somewhere with women partners involved in decisions like this, they may recognize where you are and feel confident you will return to higher hours in a few years once the baby is less of a full time job.
When are you giving notice? I think you should tell them before you go back that you think you need to be at home full time. Give them a chance to hire your replacement and not pay you for ANOTHER month of work. They might also use the opportunity to discuss whether a reduced schedule could work for you temporarily. Either way, you’re not doing them any favors by going back for a month to save face.
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Those who made unintelligent comments have no idea what being a parent is like and the pressures that come with it. You’re doing the right thing. You go OP!
Thank you!!
Just figured I would update — I had a frank discussion with them and they were happy to move me to independent contractor status. I’ll work from home and get paid for whatever hours I bill. It’s working great so far. Thanks to everyone who suggested it!
The best of both worlds. Congratulations!
Why are you going back for a month? That’s the part I don’t get.
That makes sense and I wish you well with whatever course you take. I read your post to mean you’d already made up your mind to return for one month and quit, which seems like a waste for everyone involved, especially if you’re going to be anxious the whole time leaving your little one with someone else during that time.
Go back and see how you feel.
Sounds like you are a rockstar so you can propose part time. Law firms will do what is necessary to keep talent.
Op, some advice I got was not to make any life changing decisions in the first six months. Give it a shot and if you still want to quit after 6 months, then you'll know you didn't make the decision too quickly.
The key in these situations is if and how the employer is willing to work with the employee. Some firms value their attorneys enough to make alternative arrangements while people grow their families and others expect parents to come back after the birth as if nothing has changed and then treat them poorly for needing to attend to their child’s needs rather than find the best way to support them. I know lawyers whose firms supported them through the early parenting years and vice versa. Unfortunately, the majority of law firms don’t value their attorneys from a long-term perspective.
for 3.5 mos, and went out on leave for 3 mos. (6 weeks paid by firm’s disability policy). They’ve been great and supportive but I didn’t expect to feel the way I do about leaving my LO.
I completely understand where you’re coming from and congratulations on your LO! I’ve seen a lot of people take time off to stay at home etc. I do recommend that you think about your long-term goals. It can be difficult to make a transition back into big law (if that is where you are and where you want to be), and female associates have started speaking up about mommy track etc. A number of firms are starting to make staying with the firm so much easier, flex time, part time, staying on partnership track longer. Alternatively, i speak to candidates on maternity leave who want to move to a firm that allows for more lifestyle than their current firm. There are plenty of associates who don’t feel that they can return back to their firm after having a child and they need a change. I recently returned from my own maternity leave and it’s a transition, regardless of what path you choose. If your long term goal is to continue practicing, I would look at all your options available to you.
I worked at a firm where the partner had a child and didn’t want to come back- they made her a very junior partner and she works part time from home with some additional admin requirements and everyone is happy. Don’t just look at things as work like you were working before or quit. There may be opportunities you don’t see.
First, congrats on the LO! I am an older associate whose kids are now in middle school, and I took time off to be home with them. I don’t regret that time and prior to returning to the law, even took some time to explore other careers / corporate, mainly. During that time, I had quite a bit of contact with international colleagues and candidly, I believe this issue is more society related and am surprised that with all the posts, no one has mentioned it. In Europe, England in particular, women are given a full year off, and their employers must hold their jobs for them until they return. In the States, we have terrible new parent leave options. Again, my international colleagues were aghast at the 6 weeks to 3 month options, primarily for moms only. I would challenge us all to change our culture (and perhaps one day our laws) into one that supports families and provides options during this time. Kudos to the firms that provide options to those associates who are starting families. It really is a long-term smart personnel strategy: the little ones grow and then the firm has employed a seasoned associate who is ready to hit the ground running full-time . . . again. Then the firm has created a culture that supports women, possibly some men (if they are forward thinking and offer this to dads) and ultimately, families. The associates remain loyal and eventually return to the top notch billing and legal work. Seems long term smart to me.
OP, I believe you said you are going back for a month or so at least so you can see if you feel differently/can stick it out/ask for flexibility. I encourage you to be as communicative with your employer as possible. I work in a niche area and it is not so easy to replace associates- we have been looking for months. I can’t imagine finally finding someone who quits so shortly after starting (especially one month after being out 3 months). When it is a hard to fill position and your firm really has confidence in you which it sounds like yours does, they will want to work with you to make the long term transition. Before anyone jumps at me I am just offering a different perspective
Have you asked about part-time? A lot of firms will make that deal, but a lot of people are afraid to ask. My friend was moving in-house and the firm offered a 60% schedule, so she stayed and she was happy with it. If you’re at all hesitant about leaving, consider asking. You don’t have anything to lose.