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Do you want to be slipping away from them?
I can tell you as a person on the other end — I miss the hell out of my close friend who has transformed into an adderall machine who can seemingly literally only talk about work.
Same! Wanna hang out? 😂
I’m 60 and have gone through what you’re now experiencing. If the friends are truly close friends they’ll wait for you to emerge out of this intense period in your life, understanding that keeping in touch is difficult. In the end when you do have more time to spend with them it will be like no time has passed. It really comes down to this: at different times in your life you have to prioritize where your focus and energy goes. Sometimes it’s family and work. Others it’s you and family and work takes a back seat. Sometimes it’s you, family, work and friends. The myth that you can do it all, all the time, is just that, a myth.
Calendar plans in advance. I never feel like being spontaneous anymore with my workload (late nights, too tired even if not working) but if it's on my calendar, I will go. With the friends I wanted desperately to keep, we plan a date in advance for a weekend dinner and then before leaving that night, talk about the next date. I hate to say treat your friends as calendar items but it was the only way I made sure I made time.
You have to be intentional with finding balance. I’m struggling with the same issue. I average working 12+ hours a day so I don’t have time or the energy for much else.
I’ve moved around a lot and find new groups of friends every 5-10 years or so. I’m 51 and found an amazing group of friends among my neighbors. Covid brought us together with a “work from home lunch” in our condo complex common area. I don’t think I’d hang out with the same people I did when I was younger because our lives naturally diverge. In my 40’’s I made great friends through a personal development program and a unity church in Las Vegas. In my 30’s it was mutual friends with my then husband in San Fran. In my 20’s it was a group of people I traveled and skiid with in Colorado. I imagine in my 80’s I’ll get close to my neighbors in the care facility lol. I think it’s ok to cycle through friends. I still reach out to the old ones now and then.
I feel very similarly, exacerbated by life with 2 kids and not all my friends have children or are only just starting their families - so all in all to say commiserations and following.
It gets better in your 30s’s. Everyone re-prioritizes
Story of my life
Over 16 years in my business career, I have lost in touch with many "friends" since we weren't intellectual match anymore.. However, that has also made space for me to use my time more effectively. Secondly, better friends have entered my life. What I do now, is to make time regularly to check on the people in my personal life and make a plan to do a call or video chat. Just a simple "how have you been" or What's happening" regularly takes you a long way in personal relationships. People who truly have good intentions for you will understand your current priorities.