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Chief
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things! IMO it can take 1-1.5 years to feel like you have actual friends in a new place, until then it’s all just casual acquaintances you see once or twice. By definition you need repetition to build relationships, so it’s gonna be awhile before you see anyone enough to feel like actual friends.
I’ve been there, it sucks, but try to at least focus on the experiences even if the company isn’t great - eg plan a meet up at a restaurant you’re dying to try, even if you don’t make a best friend at least you got some good food.
I’m 35 and about to move to a new city and I’ll admit I’m kind of dreading it, but just know your effort will pay off even if it takes time.
Rising Star
This is great advice, thank you. I’ll definitely start trying to tailor the experiences to things I like so it’s a net positive regardless.
I’d also try finding other people who are in your shoes — also new and more interested in adding new friends like yourself!
FWIW I found them at other random meetups, doing the same MO looking for friends as I was 😆
I also started my own group and invited a network of people to join, some of whom are good friends now years later
Rising Star
To connect/make plans after. I either try to make direct plans or something with no pressure like “I’d love to do X again sometime!” and get a vague response with no follow up.
I’m used to being the friend who has to plan everything so I’m trying to avoid that dynamic. Plus I don’t want to pressure anyone if I’ve already done all of the above (initiated convo, asked to exchange contact info, tried to make plans etc).
I don’t know what else to do. Thankfully my roommate and I have become close and she’s awesome. But I can’t limit my friendships to only people that I live with 😂 Has anyone experienced something similar and if so how did you find your new friends/friend group? Is making and maintaining new friendships always this hard as an adult? It felt so much easier in college
Rising Star
Makes sense! I guess I just don’t want anyone to feel too pressured and/or wait on me to make plans every single time. But I’ll start following up to try and make plans and hopefully that will help
Conversation Starter
Honestly am dealing with similar, I think in addition to all the normal things that make making new friends tough, this added layer of covid makes it all the more difficult. Even for myself my social battery is smaller than it was before and making/committing to plans can be tougher for me. But you’re doing all the right things, definitely takes time to find your people. What city are you in?
Rising Star
I agree some days it seems harder to want to be social so when it doesn’t even work I’m like 😖😂 I’m in LA! What about you?
Where are you located? If you’re in dallas, DM me!
Rising Star
I’m in LA but I was soooooo close to moving to Dallas (and may end up there in a couple years!)
Conversation Starter
Yeah! What city are you in?!
Rising Star
I’m in LA! What about you?
My friend joined meet ups and found some success in finding friends.
Rising Star
I’ll try that, thank you
If you’re in Chicago, I’d be down to meet up some time.
Consider joining your local Junior League (or something similar) - it made all the difference for me trying to meet people in DC!
Rising Star
Yep already joined!