I’m single. It’s me & the dog.
I have 3 accountant friends.
Sometimes, especially during busy season, I talk about my job a lot; because it’s all I have.
I have a few friends, who put down what I do & are bothered when I talk about work & the hours I’m working.
I didn’t see them during the pandemic or miss them.
Feeling I work my ass off & being annoyed by them putting me down, has put a chip on my shoulder, I’m okay with never seeing them again, does this make me a bad person?
Are you me?? It’s just me and my dog too, and I’m perfectly content to see friends (or not). Tonight I cancelled plans to stay home with my dog.
Probably. Lol.
I feel like going out tonight. But it’s mostly patio drinking, with my dog. Others can come, but if not, be and then dog are happy.
Rising Star
My take is that one day you might miss them and realize you lost them over something as frivolous as work.
You might like you work, and be proud of working hard but that’s not all what life is.
Is also ok to cut down toxic relationships if thats what that was.
We have so many friends in common, they won’t be totally gone, I’ll just say yes less and less often. Like a seasonal visit is good.
Chief
1. Do they only talk about their jobs? It’s not fun hearing someone complain about the same thing forever and not take action to change it.
2. If you are tired of getting put down by them, then say so, or get new friends.
With them, I am not fine. You are correct. But my other friends, I’m 1000000% fine with.
I’ve seen them maybe twice this year, and I only plan to see them a few more times, due to other social engagements.
I’ll be fine around them, but I’m not going to seek them out to hang out.
Maybe you should get a hobby and make new friends.
Another perspective: it’s exhausting when someone is always negative and complaining and talks about the same thing over and over again. That’s why you should get a hobby
Are they complaining about their jobs ? Or just you?
I like to vent about work and the annoying people. It’s a way for me to process it and let off steam.
Can you talk to one of the friends and ask “when I talk about my job, the group puts me down. I try to be supportive of everyone, but I don’t feel the same from the group. Do I sound to negative or complain about my job too much?”
Or maybe try not to talk about work one time with them.
But it’s fine to spend less time with people you don’t enjoy being around. Maybe keep in touch and get together fewer times.
Enthusiast
They are not “sparking joy” more so you are just growing apart and it is ok. BTW, I have a ‘friend” in the last week that I mentioned a death I had in last week, and the said”sorry” and continued on complaining about her and her work. Never even asked about who died in my world. So weird as I listen to her all the time about her work but rarely does she ask about mine. I am slowly moving out of her life. I like two way conversations and will bring those people in instead!!
Enthusiast
Exactly @BDO !
Conversation Starter
Define a bad person
GT1, I hate venting at work, I try to be the happiest bubbly person. And, none of my old classmates went into tax.
So, I vent to my friends. My job might be over their heads, but how come I can support them and their jobs, I have 0 clue about, but they can’t do it in return?
Doesnt sound like very good friends to me... Why would cutting them off make u a bad person? If anything theyre the bad ones
doesnt sound small... sounds outright toxic. why would you want to be friends with people like this? you are simply enabling them and continuing this behavior because they think its ok to put you down for no reason..
People grow apart. You may realize that the people you were close with at one stage in your life don’t suit you at this stage. I recently had to let go of a close friend. We started growing apart and the occasions when I would see her I realized how much negativity she brought to my life and how much happier I was without her. I think the older you get the kore you realize that you should choose quality friends over quantity.
I’m super happy without them, but thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone. I’m one of those people, since I’ve been friends with them forever, I should stick it out, but clearly, you don’t have to and that’s normal.
Do you complain about the same thing every time? Constantly taking about PA busy season is pretty toxic and I could see why friends would get tired of it. I became aware and tried to stop talking about it.
Gotcha. Sounds like it could be rough friends but just wanted to make sure you were aware of how toxic you are or are becoming. I was in a similar spot as you and realized it was me and changed my mindset/approach
No. If someone is not bringing joy to your life it’s fine to drop them. Friendships take too much effort to maintain as adults - it’s not worth it for someone who isn’t adding to my life.
You are correct. They really don’t add to my life and even single without kids, it’s hard to maintain good quality friendships. I rather put the energy into someone else who does bring me joy.
May make you a lonely person.
Alone but not lonely!
You don't want to hang out with people that put you down all the time?
Not weird at all
I have other friends who understand, they are all more professional careers, but this other set has good jobs, but it’s not a professional mind set, so I think that’s the disconnect and leaving it to be the pettiness.
Not at all. You're better off w/o them.
Thank you!
Enthusiast
Doesn’t make you a bad person. People and relationships change as time goes on. I think it’s ok to drift away if you realize priorities don’t align or if maintaining a relationship doesn’t make you happy.
At least you have a dog, I hear they’re like the embodiment of selfless love or something and they don’t disappoint you (maybe).
My dog is my life. He is the best decision I made in my 20s. He’s older now, and I can’t imagine what I’m going to do without him. He literally taught me love, I’m less grinch like because of him.
I think it’s very simple: if you enjoy hanging out with them, continue. If not, don’t. Life is so short and you can’t turn back time, so why not try to spend as many moments as you can happy with people that make you happy? It sounds like these people don’t make you happy—you deserve to be happy as much as possible for as long as possible. Don’t hang out with them if you don’t want to, for any reason or no reason at all. 😊
Great answer. Thank you!
Enthusiast
I wouldn't want my friends talk about their work all the times. Tbh it is annoying as everyone has their own shares of challenges or difficulties at work. Not to the ones that only talk about thier work and don't even bother to ask how I am doing .
Maybe you should think of other topics to connect over.
Enthusiast
Put your foot down and convey this or gradually reduce your connects/not meeting or calling up often. Or just say I need to hang up or somebody else is calling.