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Pro
I’m on meds. I take walks. I do exercise A LOT. Yoga. Talking to friends. Have a therapist. The world is garbage. Everything is depressing and ugly. I’ve never been suicidal, but you know that Bruce Springsteen song, “Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack. I went out for a ride and I never went back.” Well, I may head out for a trip to the grocery and never come back. I love them. With everything in me. But I am dreading each day.
Hey you need some mental health time. Can you ask your husband to take some PTO stay w the kids and you take a long weekend away? Stay in a hotel for 3 days order room service whatever to get some time alone and just be a person?
Please try to take a day or more off ❤️
Maybe you all should take a couple days off and pitch tents in the yard or something like a vacation just to give yourselves a break?
Rising Star
Find someone to take the kids. Be it a high schooler at your house in afternoons, or a nanny or a pod or your husband a few days a week. Or a few of those things cobbled together.
Better yet, tell your spouse you are at a breaking point and get him to organize a reprieve for you. Then go to a hotel for a few days and call a therapist.
You need a reset and it’s ok to ask for that.
Pro
I’m sorry, love. That sounds like a lot. I recommend:
1. Meds
2. A cleaning service
3. A friend or family member who can come over at least once a week so you have time for yourself
4. Making your husband hard commit to carrying more of the load post-work, whatever that looks like -- taking the kids, cooking dinner, letting you have an hour-long bubble bath and standing guard outside the door so the kids don’t bother you
I know a lot of these things require money and privilege to implement but hopefully there are some aspects of them you can apply to your life right now.
My biggest advice is to start being a bitch. I mean it. Be firm, vocal, and even a bit rude if that’s what it takes to carve out time for yourself on a consistent basis. In an ideal world you wouldn’t have to, but no one’s going to give it to you because capitalism is garbage and gender roles, so you need to look out for number one, which is you.
Good luck!
Reach out to the classroom parents and try to find 1 or 2 close to you to add diversity to your kids’ week. Rotate drop off or have them do homework together at a distance.
Talk to your husband. Say new things; he needs to hear the level of depression/numbness you are at. Make a new schedule and slide it across the table. If he rejects it then HE is to troubleshoot who needs to fill the hour or two that you need every other day to regain some peace (not you) - this is a family challenge that needs family effort. You two are the leads, he needs to meet you where you are at.
Understand you are not alone. Build a ‘book club’ where you can connect with other people than your family. You need outside stimulation.
Winter is coming - buy one of those sunlight lights - you need rituals to anchor you and give you a sense of control.
Can you try to join or form a pod? Farm them out to other fams 4 days a week in exchange for being stuck with them 1 day a week... might be worth it for the breather
Echoing other sentiments here — I think you should take some time off for your mental health. Do you have any family you have a good relationship with? If so, would you be willing to road trip it to stay with them for month? Get a change of scenery. Work remotely from there for a while. Get some help with the kids. Even if the family aspect isn’t in the picture for you, getting a little time off work and changing up the monotony of the day to day could be beneficial?
Pro
I def think a solo trip and/or change of scenery is in the cards. Blehhh.
I think you need to talk to a therapist. I know you mentioned being on meds but I think talking to someone is so helpful in reframing everything. Good luck!
Enthusiast
I’m so sorry. It is SUPER DUPER hard. I’m doing a similar thing with my husband at work and me managing remote learning while also working crazy hours. There’s really no two ways about how hard it is and there are no good answers or easy solves with the remote learning. Try to go easy in yourself. It’s ok to not be perfect. Kids can be assholes too. Cute little fuckers, but assholes. Take some PTO and get someone to watch them for a day so you’re not watching them on your PTO. Talk to your therapist about those meds and how you’re feeling too. Can husband can work remotely a day or two a week? I think having not all fall on you every day would help take the edge off. Try shifting work hours if possible too (start earlier or later) and block portions of your schedule to give yourself breaks and focus on remote learning. For me, getting the kids logged in and going is the hardest part. And I’d also see if you can get some help, a mother’s helper or a tutor that can come in and help watch the kids and help them with the remote learning for a few hours a day. Even if it’s just for a few hours it would give you a little reprieve. Hang in there and stop listening to Bruce Springsteen! Lol. You got this OP.
Just here to say that I hear you and can commiserate 100%. This all sucks so much. My kids are addicted to YouTube and I am so sick of their fighting. Online school sucks.
We found a Y program that will take the kids for online school a couple of days a week. I’ve heard Boys and Girls clubs are offering the same. Maybe there is one near you? If that doesn’t work we are going to have to find a nanny/tutor to sit with them during online school.
Sending virtual hugs and cocktails.
How about a dog?
Just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this and that we’re here for you. Glad you posted this so we can attempt to help in any little way. How’s it going? Any thoughts on a little mental health getaway plan? You deserve it so hard!! And it’s soooo okay to ask for it.