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Im stressed, my parents want me to buy a $700k home on a $90k salary. Is that even do-able

funnylike
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For perspective - my husband and I are buying a 725K home. We jointly make about 103K gross. We have 96K in our bank account so 80K will go to down payment and the rest for closing costs / to use for home stuff. My parents are “gifting” us 145K which we will informally give them 20% ownership of the home. This money will also go into the downpayment so in total our loan will be $500K. We don’t have any kids so we can do it but will definitely feel house poor for a bit. We are doing it to lock in the 3.125% interest rate and housing prices now before they keep going up the next coming years

likesmart

Definitely not a purchase I’d make. At that stage of your life that money would be better put to use towards an investment property. Starter home being that pricey will be heavy for a long time, and will set you back in the long run.

Culturally I know it’s hard to just say no to your parents. What you need is a more concrete plan. Figure out how much you have, how much your parents have, how much you can save, factor in the raises you will get for the next couple of years, and set a goal. With your salary (assuming you are living with your parents), saving 20% down payment in two to three years isn’t unreasonable. By then, your salary should be 30% to 50% more than your current salary, a $560k 30 year mortgage is feasible at that point.

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Buy the home YOU want. Not the one THEY want.

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Op - I understand this ^ but reading some of this I think some adjustments need to be made with all parties. I think the main thing you and them have to consider is if you put yourself into a bad financial state it is going to be hard to get out of and bring you further away from a) succeeding in your dreams and theirs (as you said 1st gen) b) your own financial goals including the ability to ACTUALLY take care of your parents/family for the long term. You have to delicately but firmly take command and control of this for both your own and your parents sake - you need real research and advising beyond what the banker showed your dad before doing anything like this. You need to have financial literacy as a counterweight to these pressures. It is going to be ok either way but please understand you should be pushing back in an informed way for everyone’s interests. Feel free to DM.

smart

Don’t let your parents have any say in what house you buy

likefunny

Honestly this sounds toxic af. OP you need to learn to establish boundaries. Your parents don’t own the money that you make and work for.

likehelpful

In what frckn tradition is there a peer pressure to force you to be house poor??

Geez. I’m making 175k and and freaking out my SO is looking at 700k houses lol. Don’t let your parents influence this decision. If it’s stressing you out it’s too much.

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I make 275k base and I am freaking out about a $650k loan on an 850k house. It’s all relative.

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Wow that is WAY too much house for that salary. Husband and I are at $300K+ with a $500K home. We nearly considered an $800K home but it would have been too much. I am also Asian and have actually been disowned (because husband is not Asian). They came around after 6 years. My advice is your only priority should be you and your spouse. Whatever your parents are requesting of you should never take priority over your marriage and potential causes of stress to your marriage.

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It’s irresponsible (and selfish) of them to expect that of you especially since you will already have to take care of them in the future. It seems like a bad decision to go into that much debt this early in your career… you would be house poor for a very long time and I don’t know how you would afford furniture or day to day expenses (or even a savings).

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I commented above but another thought..you’ve mentioned that they know your salary AND have access to your credit card. I think you are offering up too much personal information. You say it’s a cultural thing but universally there is a such thing as boundaries. I would start by getting used to withholding information as a starting point. They are unhealthily controlling you and this will turn into resentment if it hasn’t already. Best of luck

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So essentially your parents are your children. Which means you are in charge of how your money is spent and what they get to have/don’t get to have. No one NEEDS a 700K home

like

Read through your other replies and echo pp above, don’t do it. It’s not just the down payment and mortgage, it’s closing costs, property tax, insurance, utilities, emergency funds especially if you’re single and can’t afford to lose your job, furniture, unexpected repairs, etc. Buy when you’re ready and start enforcing boundaries with your parents. I’m Asian too so I get the cultural pressure aspect, the sooner you stand up for yourself the better. Doesn’t mean you don’t respect or care for your parents but do it on your own terms. Also don’t let them know how much you make and then they won’t ask for so much stuff

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If YOU don't feel its doable, then its not. Don't stress yourself about it. I say Don't buy what your parents want, buy what you want... and if you don't want to buy anything that's cool too!

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All things r possible thru christ

funnylike

Amen!

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Very uncomfortably, 30 year mortgage, and you’ll be house poor. But if you value a house above all else, you could technically do it.

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He would not qualify for that mortgage…

So should your mortgage be no more than 3 times your gross annual salary to not be considered “house poor”? Assuming average consumer debt

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You do you OP. Sounds like you need to take a little more control of your own destiny.

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Say no???

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Kinda hard

I would never do that unless you have a nice down payment. That’s scary.

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Eek we make $200K ish and are setting budget around $500K. Everyone’s situation is different, but don’t set yourself up for problems well down the road

like

You’re an adult. What are you doing listening to your parents? And no it’s not doable. It’s stupid.

like

I guess you don’t understand familial culture

likefunny

Your family is going to lead you to financial ruin. You need to shake off all of the cultural expectations. You shouldn’t be obligated to buy them a home You can’t afford… you’ll be paying the mortgage repairs and everything. Do not do that.

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Sorry if I missed it but OP, where are you located? 700k in NY/NJ is still tough. I know because I'm looking. At $200k I'm terrified about a $600k home. As an Asian who understands your situation, please look at cheaper homes and tell your parents you will upgrade in the future. You cannot (easily) shake the cultural expectations on you but you can keep things reasonable. DM if you need to chat.

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