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Rising Star
That’s such strange advice from a daycare owner!
There are pros and cons of both, nannies get sick/call-out too, and it’s another person that you have to manage, which can be stressful. We’ve done both at various points of life, my eldest went to daycare at 4 months, my second stayed home with a nanny, my youngest did daycare at 4 months.
Really, my advice is to focus on getting the best quality. An amazing daycare is better than a mediocre nanny. An amazing nanny is better than a mediocre daycare.
Anyway, there are a lot of threads in here about this very question, so you can search the bowl to find out more.
And to the sickness question, yes daycare babies get sick, how often/bad will really vary (my eldest almost never got sick, has an incredible immune system). The first winter is the worst, then it gets easier.
Rising Star
Yes, BCG offers 20 days per year of back-up care through bright horizons, which was awesome pre pandemic. Unfortunately these agencies are all so short staffed now.
Daycare! We love daycare! Socialization, professionalism, high standards. My kids weren’t sick any more than my friends kids who were with nannies (although my kid in pre-K hasn’t been sick once all year while those kids are constantly ill so maybe daycare helped there). I feel safer with multiple people watching my kids and holding each other accountable, I don’t trust a nanny alone with my kids all day without accountability.
Agree with this! We love our daycare center and our daughter is thriving. She started at 6 months and is now 18 months. She often has sniffles but has been really sick once. She got bronchiolitis. Hasn’t had COVID, RSV, hand foot mouth or any thing like that. She has real friend relationships and loves her teachers. I WFH and truly can’t imagine having my kid and a nanny in my house during the day — my friends who have Nannies and WFH say it’s really tough for everyone to be in the same place, even if you’re able to stay out of sight / keep space.
We have an au pair. Wouldn’t have it any other way. He was a premie and while I do want to build his immune system, there’s too much going on for my comfort. We also don’t have to worry about getting him out the door and back home. Plus baby snuggles any time during business hours 🥰
Daycare is really great and my preference over a nanny but only once your kid is old enough to play with others. My daughter is 4 and when she’s home she’s bored and tells me she wants to have friends etc. She’s really loved going to school for the social interaction. I think for a baby that young and if you can afford it a nanny or au pair would be perfect. Especially since you’re at home too. Some daycares are awesome though so I’m sure whatever you decide will be fine!
Chief
Yeah people who’s kids are in daycare always pull the line about “kids need to develop their immune system.” They do, but that can happen later when they aren’t so tiny, they have more vaccines, and when everyone around them isn’t drooling on every toy they share.
Rising Star
We have a rock star nanny who is always setting up play dates and taking the kids out and about (prepandemic at least) so I don’t think they missed out on much vs daycare, plus we have the benefits of a nanny.
Once they were two we started sending them to really short preschool programs (like 1.5 hrs 2x a week) so they could get exposed to that setting in preparation for school and interact more independently with more people. We just let the nanny chill while they were there.
Enthusiast
If you don’t mind me asking, what does this look like from a financial perspective? E.g., weekly cost for nanny + school? I think it’s a great idea and would love to plan for it.
I send my 6mo old to daycare. We are really lucky to have a small program in our area through a non-profit that has a 5:2 babies:cargivers ratio. My daughter is VERY social (even for a little baby, she clearly enjoys hanging out with her toddler cousins and gets very excited to see her teachers). My husband was not comfortable with a nanny due to the lack of regulation and oversight.
Downside of daycare is you do lose some control and personalization. Like, we would prefer to do blw at all times but all daycare offers for kids her age is purees or no food. So she does purees at daycare and blw at home. They also are not allowed to let her fuss a lot when sleeping and she is a fussy sleeper, so her naps are super short (30 min vs 1.5-2h) at daycare. It hasnt impacted night sleep yet so we accept it for what it is.
I will say i feel 100% secure that my kid is safe, cared for, and has many adults with eyes on her during the day. And she is genuinely happy at dropoff and happy to see me at pickup.
I have 2 kids (almost 2 and newly 3). My first was in daycare before Covid and the rules changing to be stricter on staying home but he was so sick all the time. He got hand foot and mouth at 6 months, croup, rsv, tons of ear infections. It was really really hard on everyone. and the croup at such a young age has caused lingering issues. Because of this and Covid we kept my youngest home with a nanny till he was about 15 months. He still got sick when he started school but was a total trooper through hfm, rsv, etc. he might be a little bit more naturally laid back. If you can financially swing a nanny comfortably, I’d go nanny for the first year - 18 months. I still am a huge proponent of daycare. The schedules and socialization are great for kids but I would vote nanny for the baby stage
+1
Nanny until 2 yo at least.
Many of my friends are moms now and all of those that started daycare right after mat leave have been sick non stop the first year. All the illnesses others have listed. If it's your only option, you'll make it work, but I haven't heard of anyone that didn't have this experience.
My first started at a great preschool part time at 2 and we kept nanny until 3. She was sick that first winter once from a classmate. She's 4.5 now and has had maybe 3 colds total that I can trace back to school. Never rsv, no hfm, ear infection, etc. (Her preschool is also immaculate. It's the cleanest preschool I've ever seen, and though it costs an arm and a leg, I happily give them our money.) Before preschool, we had signed up her up at arts classes at our local rec center, did music classes at the library, and of course playgrounds. That was more than enough imo.
Personally, I think the benefits of socialization at that age are miniscule compared to the benefits of being healthy for those first years when ability to take medications is limited and even things like stuffy nose (when baby doesn't know how to blow their nose yet) can make life hard for everyone.
You'll be wfh so you can also see baby at various points in the day, if you want to. I used to have lunch with them and put her down for her long nap. Nanny cooked during that time. It was a great part of my day. When she was walking, they did a daily dance party at 4.30 everyday before nanny left at 5. I logged off to join. You can always finish work after bed time at 7. Wouldn't trade dancing around the kitchen everyday for any meeting.
Our second is almost 2 and will be starting at the same preschool in the fall. We don't have a nanny this time because covid complicated things, but I still didn't opt for daycare.
I feel like before a year I'd go nanny, after that daycare.
But I wasn't shelling out nanny rates so mine went to daycare once I went back to work.
Rising Star
Whatever you decide daycare or nanny, be ready to compromise and adjust. As many said there are pros and cons of both and ultimately it depends on your risk tolerance, ability to find the right care (be it be a good daycare or a rockstar nanny), and what works best for your family (space availability, financially, mental space etc.), Also, nothing is sealed, if one doesn’t work try another. Though getting through daycare waitlists is ridiculous at times. With any childcare, there are good days and bad days including sickness and time off. Daycare sickness is real and so is nanny bringing in covid and other illness. Nothing is unfortunately full proof and you go with our your best judgement and available resource!
I’ve done both and would 100% recommend nanny at this age
Have you thought about exploring small independently owned daycares? Each of my children went to certified daycare at a small family owned center within walking distance of our home (read in someone's basement). The key here is certification. Certified registered home daycares are held to the same standards as larger centers. The providers have several hours of annual training and are subject to inspection by a state representative. The reports and violations are available to the public. This way the kids get the daycare experience with 5-7 vs 20+ meaning hopefully less germs and more individualized care.
Most daycares operate under the enforced ratios of 3 teachers to x amount of kids (I forget the correct number but it is very cool). So just because a daycare is a bigger center vs individual in home center it doesn’t mean less 1:1 with kids. Irrespective of size they all operate under what the adequate staff to kid ratio is.
Daycare if you can find a good one. My son comes home saying more words and is happier because he got to play all day (we are both wfh so it makes more sense) but always go with your intuition and not what your bosses may say bc they are afraid of you being out because your child gets sick
My first was home with nanny until 2.5, then part time nanny/ part time daycare. My second was with a nanny until 1, then full-time daycare. I loved having my babies home— I WFH—but they really liked “school” as they got older.
Cons of a nanny: you’re relying on 1 person, so if they get sick, need time off, your out of luck.
Pros: not having to pack up baby gear every day, morr glecible schedule.
Pros of daycare: more reliable coverage. Socialization for older kids.
Cons: Drop-off/ pick-up hassle. Sickness gor dome, but my kids didnt really get sick any crazy amount.
Conversation Starter
We personally love daycare for our 9 month old. He loves it and is learning so much.
Nanny
We have a nanny right now for my 4 month old and it was the best decision for us. Was opposed to daycare at this age. Way too young
I am immune compromised and so is my kid. I just want to weigh in on the strong immune system from daycare thing.
When your child enters institutional care, whether that’s daycare or kindergarten, the average healthy kid will get at least one viral inflection a month. Generally by the time you are 18 your antibodies all look the same as everyone else in your geographical area. Getting RSV as an infant is very scary and serious, their tiny lungs have less room for error, they can’t decide when to cough and when not to, and they have naturally low levels of key infection fighting blood cells (google infant neutropenia, for example). Getting RSV as a kid or an adult is just the standard “shit that was a bad cold” most healthy people will have everything 2-3 years. So no, going to daycare does not have a long term impact on their immune system, you are just decided WHEN the onslaught of illnesses is happening.
Fun fact: the isolation we did in 2020 into 2021 was so effective that a lot of infections were not passed around. Ergo, more kids are currently in their “getting real sick” phase, about twice as many in fact because we missed about a year and now there are two sets of kids in their first year (no matter what the entry point is.) (consider googling influenza B in North America as an example of this phenomenon)
As a hobbyist immune nerd, I can’t wait for the studies to be published next year. ❤️🩹😬
Hope that makes sense and helps!
For what it’s worth, we did daycare. Until Covid, then we just kept her home and also worked full time and just suffered lol, because a nanny would also be a risk for infection. Went back in August. In the DC area, we have only had daycare exposure twice, she did get it the second time though (omicron) and it was sad 😞
We had nannies for a large duration of the pandemic and were so careful and never went anywhere. Then a year into it, we all got COVID from our nanny. The expense and instability of nannies (high turnover) made us go back to daycare. The kids love it and they’re so much happier!