{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’m turning 30 in a month. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting engaged but I’m not sure when he’ll propose (probably after the pandemic is over when we can go on trips safely). I’m realizing that if he waits until after the pandemic, it’s going to be at least a year until the actual wedding. Then I had always planned on being married for a few years before getting pregnant. I’m having major fertility anxiety. Any advice?", "post_id": "600f2958fdae430024e0a0de", "reply_count": 65, "vote_count": 23, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law" }

I’m turning 30 in a month. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting engaged but I’m not sure when he’ll propose (probably after the pandemic is over when we can go on trips safely). I’m realizing that if he waits until after the pandemic, it’s going to be at least a year until the actual wedding. Then I had always planned on being married for a few years before getting pregnant. I’m having major fertility anxiety. Any advice?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Why does everyone want a big event for a proposal that they can post on social media? Why do you have to wait to travel before you can get engaged? What’s wrong with having a simple stupid wedding and then throwing a big party after Covid to celebrate it’ll cost you a hell of a lot less money because they charge 30% more for wedding events than regular events. I kept my wedding simple small as an under 60 guests and I have many great memories from that day. I know people who had huge weddings and don’t really have the best memories because it was such a huge nightmare to coordinate and on the day of there were far too many people for them to actually be able to enjoy their time with them. Why not readjust your expectations for the event to our present reality and move forward?

likefunny

Person who said it was a misogynist response, I know I have more balls than most of the men I work with but no I’m a woman. And in fact when I made my initial comment I was thinking of the young men that I worked with that went through all kinds of hoops to create the most impossible Instagram where the proposal. One went as far as having a professional photographer follow him. So yeah, that was not a common intended to denigrate any woman.

likehelpful

Had some serious fertility anxiety prior to our wedding too, since I knew we could not start trying right away. Like many of here suggested, I also decided to have blood tests done and the key factors regarding conceiving analyzed like amh, vitamin D, iron, thyroids etc. Everything looked fine and that gave me some peace. We started ttc a 1,5 years after the wedding. For me the main anxiety stemmed from not knowing if was ready to have kids, mixed with the ”but what if I’ll be infertile if we decide to wait”. It defo took some time to feel more prepared, but at some point the though of trying did not sound that scary anymore. If its mainly about you not wanting kids just yet, then have the blood tests done and if they’re all clear, wait for few years. 33/34 is not that old!

like

A11-How long did you TTC before getting pregnant?

Recent IconRecent

You could always ask him. That’s what I did. I realized that it wasn’t about the ring or the perfect proposal but spending the rest of my life with my husband. I don’t regret it for a second.

likeuplifting

FEMINIST HUZZAH!!!

like

Just curious- why does it matter that you’re legally married for a couple of years before having kids? Will your relationship be that different from how it is now?

like

Good questions! The guy I thought I would marry and I broke up right before I turned 30 and I was feeling this way too but for different reasons obviously. Starting over finding someone, and had wanted to be married by a certain time so as not to run the clock on fertility. But then I kinda realized that so many of these deadlines or conditions precedent are somewhat arbitrary. Relieving yourself of those arbitrary pressures is very liberating. You can literally do whatever you want, in whatever order you want, whenever you want.

likeuplifting

You are me. I basically told my boyfriend I’ll be pregnant at 33 so he can count backwards but if he wants time as just us then he needs to get on with it. I have oct 2021 for a small wedding on my mind too.

like

I’ve gotten save the dates for 2022 and it makes my heart sink.

like

I had my first baby naturally at 41. Focus on your career and enjoying your life - you have plenty of time

like

Would you consider freezing your eggs? The earlier the better.

like

Egg freezing has come a very long way. In fact, if you go with a reputable clinic with a high success rate, you are highly likely to have 1 or 2 viable embryos from each batch of 5 or 6 frozen eggs. The nice thing with freezing eggs is the small batch size - so leftover embryos are unlikely (and no matter your view on that, it is a real ethical choice many fertility patients face). Both my LOs were conceived via frozen eggs on the very first try. Each was a perfect blastocyst after ICSI from a 5 egg batch. And each took and became an amazing and perfect little human. And I would say it is NOT especially invasive. You’ll have a minor surgical procedure under in-office sedative anesthesia (not general) end it takes about a day or two to feel better. Schedule for Friday and you’re likely good by Monday. The hormone shots leading up to ER (egg retrieval) aren’t awesome but also nothing terrible. If you’re considering postponing kids and are set on wanting genetic offspring, look into egg freezing. If you’re good with DE (donor eggs), then no worries. There are plenty of choices out there for that option.

likehelpful

Go get your hormone levels associated with fertility checked- find out if they are high, low or normal for your age. This will help you find out whether there is a need to be worried in the first place. For example if your fertility is “high” then you probably have more time. If they are low then maybe you’ll want to consider freezing your eggs.

like

Just FYI fertility testing is notoriously poor at predicting an individual's fertility, especially in the future. At age 30, the testing could show an issue but that's unlikely. And all it's going to tell you is how fertile you are today, not in the future. AMH, which is the primary predictive test is notoriously inaccurate. At age 35, they told me my AMH was below 1 which is an indicator of "diminished ovarian reserve" but at 37 it was over 1, which theoretically would have meant I grew more eggs - a physical impossibility. When I asked my RE about it, he told me point blank that AMH is inaccurate and that it's really only predictive for patients who have very good or very bad numbers. It also is not a indicator of egg quality, meaning you could have a high number of eggs but it could turn out the eggs are of crappy quality. Meanwhile, you could have diminished reserve but have good quality eggs. In addition, there's no test that can predict at what rate you egg supply will decrease. You may find it helpful to speak with a reproductive endocrinologist but what they're going to tell you is that there's no way to really know whether or not someone can get pregnant without trying to get pregnant. They also won't be able to tell you what your future likelihood of getting pregnant will be, other than to show you generalized statistics.

likesmarthelpful

Got pregnant at 39 via IVF, but barely. The statistics for post-35 fertility are sobering. Yes, Megan Markle got pregnant and so did I. But I know far more women who could not conceive — even through IVF — in their late 30s. And statistics available through fertility clinics back this up. Also, being a now 44 year old mom of almost 4 year old twins can be heartbreaking; I’m always thinking about how old they’ll be when I decline and die. I won’t be here to help them, I won’t know their kids well, I’ll never meet my great grandchildren. Wish it had happened earlier for me but so very glad it happened at all.

like

I’m a first time pandemic mom at age 38. I worried about this SO much when we decided to have kids after 9 years of marriage. We were pregnant within 3 months of trying and baby was healthy. It’s not as dire as you think and I love being an older mom.

like

I feel you. I’ve been married less than a year, but I turn 30 in two days and am feeling myself putting the pressure on myself to have a baby! I know women are having babies later and later, but I understand the anxiety. Sorry I don’t have better advice!

like

You should talk to him about having children.

like

Talk to your gyno, get tested, figure out a bunch of options. I have a friend who is doing IVF right now and she’s 30. I have another friend who got naturally pregnant by accident at 40. Don’t rely on statistics figure out what’s going on in your own body.

likehelpful

I’m in the exact same boat. 30, in a long term relationship, we are both attorneys and it’s also scary to think about career-wise but he also really wants kids. I was never in a rush but now I’m suddenly terrified. The responses here are encouraging. I will say that maybe I’m selfish but I want a proposal/wedding to be special and while I’ve attended a small wedding that was absolutely perfect during these times, I really think that, for me personally, I’d want to wait until after this is all over. I didn’t picture trying to get pregnant right after I get married but who knows how this will all go down!

like

31 and struggling with fertility. Husband / fiancé or not be open and frank with your docs as early as possible to help you be your best when you do decide to ttc.

likehelpful

Anecdotally, my OB said the average age of her patients is 35 (and I live in the south!). So for every pregnant 30 year old she sees, there is a 40 year old having a baby. I agree you should get tested and see your unique situation, but assuming you get a thumbs up, don’t stress for now. Unlike a lot of people who have commented, I do think there is value in having a few years together as a married couple without kids. Especially since a year or two of your time with your bf have been cooped up unable to travel.

like

So true, thanks!!

Agree with everyone saying that you should see a fertility doctor now and get hormones tested. That should help either speed up or slow down your marriage process. Almost every single person I went to law school with had to have IVF. I got married the summer before 3L. I accidentally got pregnant after 9 months on my first job (at 27). It was a very happy accident it retrospect.

like

Same exact experience here. I have so many friends who have struggled. It’s not inevitable to have difficulty conceiving and I don’t mean to be alarmist or negative, I just think if you know for sure kids are something you want, you should give yourself the best chance at having them! Especially if you want multiple.

like

Have you talked to him about this? If you seriously intend to get married, does the pandemic really interfere with getting engaged? There’s no one way to plan a life together - some people I know have postponed their weddings; others haven’t. Some people have gotten married and postponed the celebration. This is not to discount the other suggestions (IVF, etc) - simply saying maybe he thinks you need the big trip or special surprise moment in a faraway locale to pop the question. If the trip or special circumstances of the engagement are less important to you than starting your life together in hopes of having a baby in the next few years, let him know that.

like

A lot of comments on here so I apologize if I repeat someone else but I just wanted to provide hope that 1) 30 is not old and 2) My mom got married at 34 had my little sister at 35 and my little brother at 40. I know everyone is different though. Unless your family has a history of infertility being a thing I wouldn’t get a lot of anxiety over it at this exact moment. But I would also express your concerns with your soon to be fiancé and see how he feels.

likehelpful

This person is going to be your life partner... you should absolutely feel comfortable talking to them about your ideal timeline and concerns, lol

like

There’s so little difference between living together and being married, I’d say your “I’d like to wait a few years” idea might be better based on your relationship length vs. marriage. I didn’t do that and now I’m trying to get pregnant at 39 and it’s not easy. I’m wishing we’d started a few years earlier. We were both on the fence about kids, so we didn’t. If you’re not on the fence, I’d say move up your timeline.

like

Every woman’s fertility differs - there is no guaranty. Having said that, I got married at 33 had children at 35, 38, and 40.

likehelpful

Related Posts

Advice needed please 🙏🏻 for datings apps: when should one reveal that one has a kid?? I’m 38F with a 5 year old and I get the impression men run miles from me

like

Any firms with good parental leave policies? Or are most through short-term disability or only partial pay?

like

Do you all ever have guilt calling in a sick day? I have a pretty bad cold and 5 months pregnant. I’m just so slow today and want to nap. Working from home

like

I am a relatively new Project Leader at BCG and have a very crazy and packed schedule with no time to care for my food, exercise, etc. I just found out I am pregnant and I am nervous about how I will take care of myself and the baby with this busy lifestyle. I would love tips on how some of you navigated through this phase. How to ensure you are eating/exercising right? When/how to tell your bosses/team so that they are mindful? General tips for the first trimester? Should I change jobs?

like

Joined the ACN Strategy Careers LinkedIn group. Literally every post is by Ruth Faulkner and about women/diversity/being a mother and professional, not about "the job". What a waste.

like

We recently had our 20 week scan and our OB brought up that the baby had a small hole in their heart. She’s mentioned since this is isolated and not coupled with anything it shouldn’t be a concern at all and the hole will naturally fill out. She promised that we won’t see this in the 30 week ultrasound. I can’t help but be worried! This didn’t happen with our first. Has anyone experienced this in their 20 week scan?

like

Ok, I'm the one the SLC plane; I have a baby next to me and another behind me... kill me please

like

Hey all, when would you say is a good time to inform your direct manager of your upcoming parental leave? Wife is expecting but not sure when I should tell my boss so we can plan on transitioning / back filing before I’m out. Thoughts please?

like

How much notice is required before taking parental leave at BCG? Is there something required per rule or is it more just best practice to give 60/90 days notice to give folks time to plan/schedule around it?

like

Are there any pregnant women on the bowl who HAVE gotten the covid vaccine? How far along were you and how were the side effects? (cont)

like

Do any other firms have a policy that requires you to return to work for a certain period after paid parental leave, and if you choose to leave you are required to pay it back? If so, is there anyone who decided to leave before the end of that period? What happens if you can’t afford to pay it back?

helpfullike

Anyone ever test positive for Covid? My husband and baby are positive. (Baby is fine, husband not feeling well) I’m negative. Any advice?

like

A bad feedback cycle, and other things I’m my life have led me to wanting to go back in adderall(was on it as a kid). The feedback was anonymous. Cont...

like

Thoughts on quitting during parental leave?

like

For couples who are not married yet - Do you guys talk about net worth, income, or anything even finance related? I know my SO earns more given his current industry, but thinks it’s rude to talk about those things. But I’m wondering… isn’t it normal for couples who live together or are married share those info? For example - How am I going to know what to pay for our child’s education in the future etc?

likefunny

Hey mamas, need some advice. What do you do for back-up childcare when your kid is sick? We recently put our baby in daycare and it seems like every week, she’s getting some kind of cold, rash… and we have to take her out. Don’t have family near so that’s not an option. I’m wfh for now but not sure how to still be productive and care for her.

like

Slalom's maternity and paternity leave are well below industry average. I've heard rumors that this is slated to change but I haven't seen any action. Anyone have better Intel than nothing and rumors?

Post Photo
like

Advice for attacking the data room and putting together my first sell-side disclosure schedules? (Baby M&A att’y 2 months in). I have an associate mentor who encourages me to flag items I don’t understand and will walk through them with me, but at this point, the only thing I understand is that I don’t even know what I don’t know and what I do know that I don’t know is basically everything.

like

Parental leave question. In the US, assuming full pay, what are the birthing and non-birthing parent leave durations for McKinsey, Bain, BCG, and others?

likefunny

If you make a lump sum after tax HSA contribution, can you still deduct that from your taxes? Assuming it’s all under the applicable limits. Haven’t really contributed much to date, but wife is pregnant and has lots of bills due before year end and would like to use HSA if possible. Thanks!

like

Additional Posts

Junior copywriter salary with a Copywriter title ? Normal ? Same thing? Someone talk to me!

like

Did you have to do a case study as part of your interview process from college to consulting? If so, can you please give me a quick high level overview of what the case study was about? I.e company merger with high ends brands, etc. Thank you

like

I recently became PMP certified and am working as a Project Coordinator on a large ERP project. I’ve been in the position for 2 months, enjoy the work, and would like more responsibility and work from home. The director made an inappropriate (sexual) comment; it was so inappropriate that I don’t want to work with the company and am looking for a new opportunity. I would like to get into IT, but I don’t have a speciality. What are tech companies looking for in a Project/Product Manager?

like

Do you a wear metal bracelet watch while working from home or during zoom calls? I notice my keyboard is scratching it badly. Any tips for preventing this?

like

I’m entry level (2020 grad). Used to work at an awesome startup before my current job in SaaS. I’ve been ramping at this co. though so I haven’t even gotten the experience yet I want on my resume. But I talked with the startup co-founder about rejoining. I was thinking part time to start, but he says there’s a high chance of a full time job for me there. Startup is 100% remote. My job at current company is client meetings and deliverables. How difficult would it be to work both at once?

like

Hello! Have an interview coming up for PwC People & Organization’s Workforce of the Future under Tax. Anyone able to share about their experiences? Pros and cons of working for the team/practice?

likesmart

Best books on Agile project management?

like

Fly or no fly, Delta’s skymiles monthly summary email works like clockwork. Yes I miss you too Delta. Now stfu and let me live in peace.

like

Laid off but left a creative team that was 60% poc. Loved how the camaraderie and support made me more comfortable and productive. Any agencies with a similar community hiring mid-level designers?

like

Do I need to purchase the QBE to pass the CISA. I have a technical background but not audit.

like

American peeps: Accepting a job starting March 7th, but insurance for the new job won't kick in until April 1st. Will I still have my old jobs insurance until April if I'm still at my old job in March?

like

First time switching jobs and need advice for what to do with my 401k. My new employer has a different 401k provider, and I don’t want to just hold on to the small 401k from old employer. What should I do?

like

Realized I won’t make SPG gold elite by the end of the year. Will I have to start over again in 2019 with a balance of 0 or will I still have my 23 nights balance to forward with?

like

Want to do bonvoy points trip to Hawaii in late Jan / feb for 5-7 days. I am currently leaning toward Maui. Wailea beach/ritz seem like the best options. Any suggestions on hotels/island Going with GF

Hi 🐟 🐠, I am in the market for a sleek modular adjustable home office desk (L shape) and can hold up to 2 - 24-inch monitors and laptop. My budget is $1000. I searched online and went to furnitures stores, but all looked old school. Any recommendations will be helpful. Thanks!!!

like

Hi IQVIA fishes! Curious if anyone is working in their custom market research shop (previously alphaimpactrx). I’m seeing a few job postings and considering applying. I’d love to hear thoughts on culture etc.

like

What is the bench like now with corona?

like

I’m confused... why is the White House Coronavirus task force running the show rather than the CDC? Isn’t this exactly what the CDC is supposed to be doing? Anyone here have intel?

likesmart

Is it possible to move from audit to M&A Val at big 4?

like

Anyone have any insight into salary levels at Booz Allen Hamilton? I see numerous positions, such as Business Analyst, Junior or Logistics Specialist, Mid listed on their careers page. I’m assuming the Jr, Mid, or Sr designators increase the pay, but I would like some insight if someone could help. Booz Allen Hamilton

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal