I’m turning 30 in a month. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting engaged but I’m not sure when he’ll propose (probably after the pandemic is over when we can go on trips safely). I’m realizing that if he waits until after the pandemic, it’s going to be at least a year until the actual wedding. Then I had always planned on being married for a few years before getting pregnant. I’m having major fertility anxiety. Any advice?

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You are me. I basically told my boyfriend I’ll be pregnant at 33 so he can count backwards but if he wants time as just us then he needs to get on with it. I have oct 2021 for a small wedding on my mind too.

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I’ve gotten save the dates for 2022 and it makes my heart sink.

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You could always ask him. That’s what I did. I realized that it wasn’t about the ring or the perfect proposal but spending the rest of my life with my husband. I don’t regret it for a second.

likeuplifting

FEMINIST HUZZAH!!!

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I had my first at 34, went to law school at 37, had my second at 43, 2 months shy of 44. IMHO, it is a beautiful thing to plan a life changing event well in advance. But also, there is nothing wrong to be realistic and adjust one’s plan when needed. Good luck!

likeuplifting

So great to hear! :) thank you!

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May be you want to take a fresh look at your plans - is it so important to be married for some years before getting pregnant? There is never an ideal time to have children.

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Had some serious fertility anxiety prior to our wedding too, since I knew we could not start trying right away. Like many of here suggested, I also decided to have blood tests done and the key factors regarding conceiving analyzed like amh, vitamin D, iron, thyroids etc. Everything looked fine and that gave me some peace. We started ttc a 1,5 years after the wedding.

For me the main anxiety stemmed from not knowing if was ready to have kids, mixed with the ”but what if I’ll be infertile if we decide to wait”. It defo took some time to feel more prepared, but at some point the though of trying did not sound that scary anymore.

If its mainly about you not wanting kids just yet, then have the blood tests done and if they’re all clear, wait for few years. 33/34 is not that old!

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A11-How long did you TTC before getting pregnant?

You are still young enough not to worry. But egg freezing is definitely a good option to quell your anxiety

I would say that you need to talk to him about all of this, now. The idea of a proposal being a big surprise is antiquated, and even the big-surprise-with-photo-shoot proposals are not always really a surprise behind the scene. An engagement is not a proposal and a marriage is not a wedding. And for both, you need great communication with your partner. You shouldn’t have to sit around and live on his timeline. Fertility really varies. You might be fine, but you might struggle to conceive and IVF isn’t a silver bullet (and is expensive and takes a long time).

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