{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’m turning 30 next month and it’s kind of hitting me. I’ve been reflecting on my post college years and feel like I wasted my 20s by focusing on work vs living life. I’ve lost most of my friends in the process, have never had a serious girlfriend, am chronically stressed/just hanging on and am not happy. I’m career/money motivated but really I’m not even doing well money wise despite making manager faster than normal,a job I don’t even like. Any advice on how to make my 30s better than my 20s?", "post_id": "6125b270eaefe6003067ec38", "reply_count": 43, "vote_count": 23, "bowl_id": "599555b669a73a0010aab3ac", "bowl_name": "Tax Bowl" }

I’m turning 30 next month and it’s kind of hitting me. I’ve been reflecting on my post college years and feel like I wasted my 20s by focusing on work vs living life. I’ve lost most of my friends in the process, have never had a serious girlfriend, am chronically stressed/just hanging on and am not happy. I’m career/money motivated but really I’m not even doing well money wise despite making manager faster than normal,a job I don’t even like. Any advice on how to make my 30s better than my 20s?

likehelpful
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30s are better than 20s. Period, I've never heard any serious counter opinions to this. There's less pressure to Get Somewhere, you can just be yourself now and figure out what happiness means to you. Stop worrying about money, someone like you is always going to be able to earn enough money to live well. Stop worrying about being the fastest, the first, the best, having the most, etc. That race is over. Don't let the hedonic treadmill control your life any more. Do something that lets you meet people consistently and talk to them in a chill way - a club, a volunteer project, a religious group - this is how adults make new friends and meet partners without doing the dating app ratrace. It's an algorithm you have to run. There are only three bad things about being over 30 - you can't drink as much, your body won't heal as fast from minor injuries, and exercise goes from being optional to absolutely necessary. And the release from the pressures of being Under 30 are so worth it.

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I never post on here or any forum. Replying here because every word of that resonated with me. I'm 35 and have gained a lot of experiences during slow times over my career (well, we used to have those) that I may not have enjoyed with another job. That being said, I took dating more serious a couple years ago and wish I did that much sooner. Not just that, but I forget what it's like to shut down work at 5-6pm half the year. I can make partner but have no motivation to do that anymore with where this industry is heading. I often find myself telling younger staff/seniors to evaluate where you want to be in a few years and what your exit strategy might be if public accounting hours/stress becomes too much. Seems like the skills experienced tax managers have don't translate all that great when looking for industry positions. Always remember life is very short, moves fast, and you can't go back in time. What burns me out is clients complaining about late K-1's, small tax notices, etc. or partners never being satisfied with the job people are doing. There's more to life than taxes and this pandemic sends us constant reminders that we need to value the important things in life - self-care/happiness, family and health to name a few. Everyone has different financial situations but there's a lot to be said for just finding a steady job and investing wisely. Sometimes that's the better route than chasing money in PA at the cost of your health and sacrificing lots of nights just to make an extra few bucks. There's a lot of great advice in this thread. It's good to have each other :)

likeupliftinghelpful

I couldn’t agree more! Short of words here and maybe time to think over it again for me 😖

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They are just like your 20s but with money and health insurance. You set yourself up well and nothing needs to change in my opinion (although I did start getting lip fillers and Botox like a basic B). Maybe find a therapist to help with being the best version of yourself and long term goals?

likesmart

Dudes love Botox 👋🏼

Keep working hard and continue the working streak until your 60s/70s. After that you can slow down, relax, and enjoy life.

likefunny

Die old, alone, and unhappy? But at least your bank account will be big, right? Bad advice.

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I feel you man. Unlike others, I believe one has to sort out their philosophy in life and family before securing livelihood. I would ask myself what I do like. What does bring joy in my life. And then try to steer the ship in that direction somehow..

likehelpful

Agree with this. Just chasing money and shiny conspicuous consumption stuff isn't going to make you happy. Stuff that other people think you should do also isn't going to make you happy. Figure out what you want to do in the world.

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Quit, go find something you want to do even if it means being a beach bum or ski instructor. Don't get married, don't have kids. Life is short and money doesn't matter as much as it used to. I'm locked down with the fruits of my success and I'm miserable. I've got a wife, kids, multiple houses, a decent bank account and investment...and absolutely zero freedom. If I was in your shoes I'd go find a nice small or medium size town get a decent, but chill job and spend my time working between vacations to places that don't even cost that much money in relation to the enjoyment you'll get out of them.

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Wow EY2, I am sorry you’re feeling miserable for having a family. Maybe you’re the one who should be quitting and finding a decent chill job.

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I felt this.

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Living it. I’m so glad you posted this. I can’t wait to read the responses.

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You mention that you're career/money motivated. At what point do you think you will have climbed the ladder high enough/have enough money? I was in a similar position as you but then I had the realization that if I let things like that determine my happiness I would never be happy because I would never feel like I have enough. This was a big step for me because it allowed me to refocus and invest more in hobbies, friends and family, etc. , which has made me so much happier than work ever has

likesmart

Did you stay in public? It’s hard to ‘chill’ with deadlines.

You need to set some goals and steps on how you can achieve it. Finding a gf/bf - that means going to bars more, using dating apps. Traveling - coming up with timeline and itinerary. Getting in shape- gym, program etc.

like

He means go to the bar to recover from the breakups btw

like

Your perspective is solo. Find a partner and your world will change around her/him. Find a pet too. In short, your to deepen in the career mode, so just pull out a little bit and do normal human things, like walking a dog and grab lunch with friends.

like

Get a dog. Seriously. Dogs help you make friends and add structure to your workday (what kind of heartless boss won’t let you take a break to take your dog for a walk?). There’s also something to have someone so happy to see you all the time that improves your mood and helps you see the bigger picture. 100% having a dog of your own will change your life and priorities in the best way

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I went through something like this at age 35. I woke up and realized that the life I designed was based on the opinions of others and didn’t make me happy at all. Some soul searching is in order. I second the recommendation for therapy. Coaches can help, too. I’m not here to sell. I’m here to be of service. Sometimes it helps to hear another’s story. You can read mine at the bottom of this webpage- “ how I got into coaching.”https://www.ambersettercoaching.com/about

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I've learned a ton from my girlfriend over the last year. Don't apologize for being yourself. I like nerd stuff and have really leaned into it and not caring for what other think about it. Also if your set off well enough maybe its time to start thinking about a better work life balance. Anywho hope it helps, keep your chin up. People say its supposed to get easier

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Thanks! That’s what got me to manager, people telling me it would get easier. Jokes on me 🥲

I’m 26 and I kinda feel ya, any advice? Lol. I’m in tax and don’t really like it but the money is keeping me from looking elsewhere

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Don't let the money keep you from doing what makes you happy. Yes it's a decent and steady paycheck but 99.9% of people aren't going to become fabulously wealthy going tax accounting or tax law. There are plenty of jobs out there where you can earn enough money to have the same decent UMC lifestyle that tax affords you, it's just about figuring out what you truly want to do and going from there.

like

I’m in a similar boat with just a few years away from 30. I came to the conclusion last year to take the year off to shift my focus into finally doing things that I want to do, reconnecting with family and friends, and hopefully getting some peace of mind. I’ve been at this job since college and while I do recognize this job is what’s now allowing me to take the year off, I can’t let it keep chipping away at my deteriorating mental health. I feel like all year there’s always some lingering work item in my head that i can’t shake. i don’t like it but I’m a person that definitely prioritizes work too much. I will be quitting in a few months despite the nice raise I would be getting. I’m not letting money change my decision. Hoping in a year I’ll have a better idea and I know the door is open to come back if need be, but hopefully I don’t.

like

Find some online and in person flex clubs, shopping, more time with family and reaching out to friends might help

like

Hey it’s okay to focus on your life. Sounds like you’ve been focused on work for years now. Time to shift that focus more on other aspects of your life. You have to be proactive with this stuff. Now get out there and be the best you!

Invest in crypto

Work is the means to an end. Some people convince themselves that rising to the top of their career is the end, but those are usually people who are miserable in the rest of their life. Don't be one of those people. Pick some goals and go after them. Become an interesting person doing something you love and the rest will likely follow. That could be setting travel goals, getting into exercise/athletics, getting a dog, writing, etc. Remember, if you are doing a great job at work, no one is going to fire you for doing a reasonable amount of it. The firm will always take advantage of everything you're willing to give and will rarely stop promoting you just because you want to have a life too. In fact, promotion to MD and Partner will include questions on what you do outside of work. They do want well rounded people, even if there's a fair bit of hipocrisy in how they let folks wear themselves down.

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