I’m working in my dream job a few years out of college, have a long term romantic partner, objectively attractive... and yet whenever I’m home I feel like the loser I was in high school. I’m (con’t)

likefunnysmarthelpful
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As someone who was considered “cool” in high school ... when I see people who were considered losers in highschool I think to myself how much cooler they are than me that they went through high school not getting their ego massaged yet still managed to move on to live successful lives and have kids, etc... and frankly I feel like the loser. So, the moral of the story is.... everyone has insecurities. The “cool kids” didn’t feel great about themselves either. And frankly, having to find your own ways to experience self love because it didn’t happen in high school I’d argue is probably a much better way to build character than getting artificial ass kissing in high school. I feel like shit about myself these days and I think it’s because the real world was a slap in the face. So, stand tall, love your life and know that being a “loser” in high school usually ends up being a cool thing. The whole joke that the nerds in high school will rule the world one day is a truth. I bet you’re way cooler than me :-)

likeuplifting

Oh! Haha. I thought you were making fun of me! I’m actually a woman... but I don’t mind you assuming I’m a cool guy 🤣 👍🏻

likefunny

I recently went to my 20 year HS reunion. I was very much the weird girl from a poor family that got made fun of for wearing hand me downs or clothes from Kmart. I was dreading that reunion.

Almost no one outside of my friend group (8 or so people) remembered me. A few that did, did not remember me as the weird poor girl. I still feel like that girl because it's how I remember myself.

However, one of the formerly popular now divorced football stars did ask if I was single and followed it up with "would you have believed 20 years ago that *I* would ask YOU out, hahaha".

I would have said no 20 years ago too Greg.

Up yours.

likefunny
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Yes, its a weird feeling. It'll fade over time, especially as you see the people you went to school with hit their ceilings (and realize for a lot of them its surprisingly low). My advice would be to go into those conversations as if they're new acquaintances - ask how work is, where they're living, if they're dating anyone, etc. All the things that are going well for you. And try to imagine how you'd feel about them if you were meeting them for the first time. You likely wouldn't be intimidated, you'd see them for what they are - regular people with dull lives. Yours shines by comparison.

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Always afraid to run into anyone I used to know at a bar or something when I go back... since they all know who I used to be, it makes me like im still that person... that’s crazy right? Or does anyone else feel this way? Any strategies to overcome this would be super appreciated

likesmart

I never had those exact feelings per se but I did have that feeling of still being the same person I was back then even though I had been progressing. Theres no magic formula but for me at least I have been getting used to being better than I was and with continued growth with being more sociable and career wise, as well as being more able to define who I am instead of letting the expectation of others define me, I have been able to accept myself and be proud of who I am now

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It sounds like a few things happened in your past that made you feel like a loser. If I got a client with this issue I’d target some of those memories and beliefs so they don’t trigger you in the same way. You are not alone. The fact you are happy and successful now shows you have done a lot of work.

likehelpful

So like your partner is a dimepiece?? I see you OP. You know that cliche about the popular kids in HS ended up being nobodies after HS? Well it’s true. They had their moment. They shined. You took awhile longer and now you’re just getting started. Don’t sweat it because for all you know your HS friends are all jealous of you.

likeuplifting

You are lucky to not have peaked in HS. It’s a long road down for those folks. Reunions are crazy, I didn’t even recognize classmates in the elevator to mine, they were so, so, so old and fat and bald. I was in my prime!

likefunny

I’ve felt everything you’re feeling. I felt like (and was treated like) a loser in high school, weird kid / only minority and what not.

Around when you turn 30, it all ceases to matter. You realize you’re good, you’re probably great at what you do, you have good friends now (who are not the losers from high school you knew years ago), and you’re all set in life.

Then you realize you’re actually pretty awesome; all those insecurities, issues, whatever held you back as a teen— actually makes you awesome as an adult. Maybe even better. It did for me.

And then you look out for the weird kids as you get older, and into your career; you realize they are the ones who will be awesome for you in your department, or in your agency.

You’re going to be great. You probably already are great. Don’t sweat anyone or anything that makes you feel otherwise.

likeuplifting

Chill.You are who you are and just own it

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Easier said than done, but still good advice

Trauma triggers are not rational.

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This all made me feel really understood on a topic I don’t feel comfortable talking to the people in my life about, so thank you all so so much❤️ needed this as I prepare to spend the next 6 months living at home helping family take care of a few things... Thank you all again!

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i dont have a solution my friend but i just wanted to let u know i have the EXACT same complex....it tears me up sometimes even tho I am not the same person

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Yeah, I used to feel that way too. Solution was distance and time. I didn’t go to my hometown much and now when I do, high school was so long ago that no one even remembers anyone else.

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Life isnt about where you started, it’s about where you finish. You should be really proud of how well you’re doing.

Also you work in advertising like me, so that already makes you cooler than 90% of the people on this app.

likefunny

How rude!

funny

Honestly, I would look into therapy to work through the identity issues you’re facing. You don’t have to prove yourself or be doing “better” than anyone else to finally feel accepted and like you belong. You already do and always did. It sucks society teaches us otherwise, so you need to work on that personally to unteach yourself that. You have value as a human whether or not you have a good job or a hot gf. Look into therapy/techniques and learnings to strengthen your identity and awareness of yourself first.

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it's real. I think it's called revertigo.

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Vague post. No idea what you are saying.

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Who you were in high school is irrelevant after you graduate. Comparing yourself against people you will probably never see again is useless.

Everyone has different expectations for their own life. Don’t assume people are jealous of you and don’t be jealous of others. Just focus on who and what makes you happy and pursue it.

This is a normal phenomenon. You have some traumas that you need to work thru in therapy.

My sister is brilliant, kills it professionally and has a huge community of ppl that love her. But when she comes home, she cries. Every time.

You’re not alone in this struggle.

Try to accept the person you used to be. Just because you weren’t cool doesn’t mean you’re not valid as a person.

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