In a toxic relationship and we both can’t stand each other anymore. To make matters worse, have a kid who is showing symptoms of autism. Can’t leave but can’t stay either. Life has become a mess.

likefunny
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Op, The bottom line is to try to figure out whether your kid would be better off in a home where their parents are unhappy together or in two homes where parents are happier but just not together. Whether or not you decide to stay together, you both need individual counseling

likesmart

Therapy, if you haven’t tried it yet.

The kid showing signs of autism is beyond yours and your SOs control, and most definitely not the kid’s fault.

like

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. My son was also diagnosed with autism when he was around 2 years old and we were kind of in the same situation as we were frustrated and taking out the frustration on each other. Now having said that we sorted it out by talking to each other dedicated our time to finding cure, therapies and alternative medicines. Now he is 6 year old goes to main stream school and doing ok. The game changer for us was Nemecheck Protocol that we followed and that has helped us tremendously along with therapies. Happy to chat and provide more information if that helps.

likeuplifting

Sure, absolutely.

So sorry to hear that. Did the problems predate the kid and the autism? Is it something you can get help for?

like

While it is normal and valid for things to get stressful in such a situation, what you described above indicates that you both are subconsciously frustrated with the kid’s autism and are taking it out on each other.

Please speak to a professional and work through this.

likehelpful

Live together for the kid’s sake but have a relationship with another willing adult. Obviously you need to discuss this with your spouse honestly and mutually agree if this works for both of you.

like

Living together for the kids sake is the worst thing for the kid and everyone involved.

likesmart

Don’t stay together for the kid. It only makes matters worse and the kid grows up in a hostile environment.
How are things in the bedroom? Sometimes having that intimacy even if it is slightly forced makes things much better.

like

Autism can ne handled very well by therapies....my kid had it & is 5 yr now pretty normal.... dont stress too much ....

like

OP - look up for Duke compassionate care clinical trial for your kid.

like

The fact that we are unable to get him to do things is leading to this frustration and hate towards each other. We just don’t get along well with each other anymore. We tried multiple ways to get along but we genuinely started to dislike each other.
We are better off without each other but kid needs us both and a lot of help. That’s where we are right now.

Stay calm gather yourself, intact both of you….sit down think and talk…and get a counselor- try to see if there is a path before completely giving up…..also for now focus on the child…

OP seems like autism was a shock for you both.
As parents we have to be prepared for whatever condition the child may have.
Its fine if you weren’t prepared but before deciding and assuming anything , strongly suggest THERAPY.
You don’t have to have a toxic or bad relationship to go through therapy but just to improve communication and strengthen your relationship. Maybe thats where you both may be lacking. If it doesn’t help then nothing can change your mind. But do give it a try before rushing.
Personally I haven’t gone through therapy but 2 of my couple friends have and they have come out of it feeling better.

Exactly. It’s not the kid’s fault that he has autism.

Be very clear about this.

Thank you all for your perspective. This is very helpful.

Op, this is a beautiful statement of divorce posted by Amir Khan. Separations and Divorces are normal and sometimes a wonderful decision for yourselves and for your kids

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