In my 30s, I am starting to question all decisions I had made and it is a horrible feeling. Realizing I always had some level of anxiety and depression and the feelings are consuming me to the extent that I just want to stay in bed, turn off my phone and do nothing.

When I got accepted to my dream school, I felt like I was on top of the world. Then I got (what then seemed to be) my dream job. After that it's been all downhill. There is nothing not to be grateful for yet here I am so unhappy.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

In my early 20s and already feeling this way. I feel like we associate so much of our worth with getting accepted to our dream school, dream job, and buying that dream house. But at the end, they come short of what we thought we’re gonna feel when we finally reached them… I realized that if these external achievements can’t bring me happiness then maybe I should find it internally which is way more of a struggle than I thought, hang in there, look inwards and explore things that will/can make you happy

like

Helps so much to know that I'm not the only one. Thanks!

Feel the same way. Have come to realize that we are conditioned to want that top school and that top job. When you are yet to achieve them, we are motivated to get at them. When we get them, we feel happy for a brief while, but later realize that they don't actually give you lasting happiness. The best part of my life looking back, was when I had neither but I have an amazing social life and friends to confide in. Trying to work on regaining that at the moment. That's the only advice I have. Check back with me in a couple of years and we'll see if I was correct.

like

Thank you! Having moved to a new city/state during pandemic made it tougher. Trying to rebuild the support group and meet more people!

like

Omg, same! I was that annoying person who knew exactly what they wanted to do at 5 years old and did it. I’ve always had a marked path and I absolutely loved school.. but the reality of the job is so different from what I expected. Now that I’m here, I’m completely unfulfilled. I’m essentially going through an identity crisis. Will I ever be happy here? Who would I be without this career? Can I even start over after so much time, effort and cost? And how do I trust myself to begin down another path? I’m embarrassed over how sure I’ve always been and feel so much pressure to just stick it out.

likehelpful

How do you feel now after resigning?

like

Same here. 32 y/o female in NYC. I have everything I always wanted (or thought I wanted, I guess) and I am more unhappy than before I had those things. Debating quitting big law altogether and starting from scratch. You’re not alone!!

like

Biggest thing I can recommend here is ignore that "there is nothing not to be grateful for" feeling. You shouldn't feel tethered to that though. You've already been grateful, and not being happy in where you are doesn't make you ungrateful, it makes you human.

I've attached a comic that really has helped me understand my brain. I took a job 9 months ago that I thought/hoped was a huge great move for me, and would put me financially where I wanted as they took a chance on me and my experience. Instead, it was a horrible job that destroyed my mental health and had me miserable. And I realized with therapy, and this comic, that I felt I was being ungrateful, and letting down my partner and my family if I didn't stick it out at this job, and that just empowered that depression.

Accept you're unhappy, and try to understand why. If its just that this dream isn't your dream anymore, then that's okay. You gave it plenty of time, and you and life changes. Maybe its time for a new adventure?

Post Photo
like

I'm going through the same thing with my job. I accepted in April and after one month in I knew it was not a good fit. I tried to stick it out but I had a mental breakdown, panic attacks, nausea and can't eat. I've lost a lot of weight. I'm on sick leave...debating on leaving consulting altogether or just this project.

like

Same and I'm 54 and on the couch and just want to cry and then sleep the day away.

likeuplifting

Hang in there mate. We're here if you need to talk.

likeuplifting

I'm chiming in a little late here, but: I was also told repeated times growing up that we should focus on making money early in our career, go for stability and the reliable options o that we can make money - and then use the money to do what we really want to do. Which just isn't realistic now, and I'm actually not even sure how realistic the advice was 30 years ago...!

What I didn't hear about was how truly seductive stability was. I didn't hear about how the status quo can be nearly impossible to change when you have external obligations. I don't even have a mortgage, and kids to support, so I can only imagine how challenging people with their own families deal.

I just have to tell myself that if I make a change, I have good people by my side who will support me. I have to believe that I am more than what I do for a job - that I am valuable, no matter what I do, or how much money I make.

like

A combo of meds, medical LOA, therapy and mindfulness based stress reduction course changed my whole perspective. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel this way at times, but it is easier to pull myself out of it.

like

Just went through this, probably at the tail end of it. A year ago I got hired in a new company in a position I have been working towards for awhile now. Over the course of the past year the heavy responsibilities of the role was too much and my mental health declined. Back in March I admitted myself into the psychiatric unit of a local hospital and spend the next 2 months off work doing outpatient therapy. Once I returned to work and took back the responsibilities of the role my mental health started to decline and I began question my life choices and my worth all over again. I decided to update my resume and start looking elsewhere and it was while looking over my resume I was able to see all my professional accomplishments moving from a well known lower end company to a well known higher end company. I wound up applying for a few jobs and got hired with a company I have wanted to be a part of for the past 2 years.

like

Exact same. Don’t think I’ve been happy since college other than a brief break in between jobs.

like

OP have felt the same…what i have realized after long and hard struggles is that as long as we seek validation from outside sources like being at top school or top company we will not be satisfied. I was conditioned as a child to be a high achiever to be loved…so I thought getting into top school and top jobs will earn me love…but after some time that doesn’t happen and we don’t know what else to do. I dont have all the answers but I think counseling might help you. I am trying to get a therapist too. The thought of opening upto a stranger terrifies me…but we need to figure out the root cause of the issue!

like

Related Posts

Lazy Sunday Morning with Earl. -1 degrees [in Chicago] so no long walk like we do most Sundays.

Post Photo
likeupliftingsmart

anyone felt sad / down when they took a break from medication? Been off for a few weeks and can catch myself feeling low

like

What grade level/ classes does everyone teach?

I teach high school
- studio art
- drawing and painting
And starting next year a new graphic design course. 😊

like

How is everyone’s workload? I was insanely busy the last month but the past week or so has slowed significantly.

like

Traveling next week in a very rainy and hot area (non-work related). The only water proof/resistant shoes I have are LL bean boots (mid height). Should I rock sneakers and hope the best or bring the bean boots but it’s so damn hot I’ll need shorts :/

like

For those who rigorously budget to achieve FIRE, can y’all give me some tips that work for you? We’ve tried to do the tracking every item we buy thing but we’ve never been able to honestly track every purchase for a month. It feels like too much work with 2 kids! Any other tips and tricks that work for you? In general we automate savings first and kind of reflect on the bills at end of month and note where to tighten for the following month but I feel like we need more discipline

like

How to cope without a partner to team teach for Fine Arts-art, music and theater arts?

Hi Fishes,

I am currently working as an Analyst in HCL Technologies BSERV which is considered as a BPO. I received a promotion to a new job post Sr. Associate-WPC. Is this new position also a part of BPO or does it come under IT or Technical Department? Also currently there is no hike being provided even though the band has changed from 0.3 to 1.1, can I expect a hike once the yearly cycle is completed?

like

How much max wipro can offer for a B2 band?

like

Anyone have any ideas as to why crime has been spiking in DC the past few months? Seems every day there are multiple shootings, armed carjackings, etc.

like

Hello folks, can anyone help me in providing referral for the SAP SD , I have the relevant amount of work experience i.e. 2.8 yrs ..

Thanks for the help in advance :) Deloitte

Post Photo
like

Hi Fishes,
I got my Tata Consultancy offer letter 9.50 LPA two months ago, with that I put down my papers in CTS, now the problem is I got two good Offers Uplers - 14 LPA and Larsen & Toubro Infotech -13 LPA
can i ask TCS to match this offer, if so how can i ask them?
My joining date is 19Sep

Y.O.E -3.6 Yrs
TECH-STACK: react js , frond end developer

like

Best microbrand divers?

like

BDRs: Can I get some honest reviews and experiences from your time as a BDR? I’m making the pivot from 5 years in the sports industry (plus 2 years exp of direct sales at Spectrum). Just received an offer from Zoom ($21 an hour base. Seems low imo?) Negotiating this week and want to see if it’s worth it. Thanks everyone

like

Anyone heading to HubSpot’s INBOUND in a few weeks? Always looking for a networking opportunity!

like

Trying to learn more about biotech and the Pharma industry. Any suggestions for blogs/newsletters/books to better understand the field?

like

Hi All,

Does anyone working for 2 or more companies..?? Have some doubts..pls DM me your number ASAP..!


Thanks in Advance..!

like

Have you struggled with feeling like your opinion isn't heard? I sometimes feel like I have to speak up twice as loud to be taken as seriously as my male colleagues. Not naturally assertive. What did you do in this case?

likehelpful

Hi is anyone free for a weekly remote 3 hours daily job as a listing agent for rental property? Experienced or not we have salary based for both experienced and none experienced persons . From 550 weekly. Send a DM if interested for more details.

like

Hi Sharks,
Could anyone can confirm exactly how much monthly intake from the below CTC.
Stack: HPC
YOE: 6

Post Photo
like

Additional Posts in Depression/Anxiety Talk

Is it normal for my psychiatrist to ask to schedule an appointment to lower the dose of my Ritalin XR prescription?

I’ve been on the same dose the past few months but recently it’s been causing a pretty bad crash for me so I wanted to lower it. Why the hell do I need to pay $60 for 10m of her time to prescribe me a lower dose of the same meds?

I’m wondering if I’m overreacting, or she’s purposefully trying to just get paid more

like

What about our society produces so many depressed and anxious people? Surely this epidemic is a matter of soil rather than an issue with the seed.

like

Today is my first birthday since my dad passed away last year, and I am also in the midst a divorce. Just feeling really low today. 🙁

like

Have you ever over promised but underdelivered to a client?

Performance reviews are coming up and I over promised on improving/ automating a process for a client. I suffer from anxiety and this is my first engagement going on my 3rd full week with the client. The directors and partners managing the relationship with the client are meeting with the client to discuss my performance for our yearly performance review.

like

I have been feeling so unmotivated, unengaged and just plan tired with everything lately and don’t know why

like

Has anyone dealt with parents that never listens to what you actually need? All I need is support and empathy, but they always hand me oranges when I ask (specifically for apples). They think they are doing their best to care for me. But when I explain that I’m not happy at work and all they do is shame me for not being strong or smart enough for it. They ignore me when I keep coming out to them as gay (had to do it multiple times), and still keeping asking me to get a bf. I’m so bottled and mad

like

This is the hardest time of year for me because I can’t get outside and now I can’t safely socialize with friends inside. If you are struggling too, I see you and I am with you!

like

Really trying not to spiral, and my practice group leader has been openly hostile to and dismissive of me lately. I haven’t mentioned my depression/anxiety to him because we’re not exactly getting along swimmingly, but I don’t know who else to talk to about my MH. Fighting with my wife hasn’t helped either. Really not sure how to handle it aside from counseling but that isn’t getting me anywhere fast. Thoughts?

like

I’m having trouble staying on top of things that I know are important. I just don’t care most of them time and the. Maybe once a month I get all concerned and make a list then I only do a couple things on it until going into the funk again.

like

Is there anyone who battles with depression and anxiety and is able to rise up the ranks to director/partner? It appears depression/anxiety weeds consultants out of the business at more junior levels

like

I’m scared to put my all in things because I lose track of time when im stuck in work due to my hyperfocus

like

Anyone here have any experience with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)?

like

I really feel like I’ve been dealt a really bad hand in my life. It feels like no one gives me a chance. Whether it’s a job I know I’m qualified for, or someone I’m interested in. Even things that appear to be good at first end up sucking. I know I should be grateful for what I have and that so many others are less fortunate. But I still can’t help but think that for a person in my position, given the opportunities that I was given, I am just a complete failure and nowhere near what I could be.

like

Sometimes after being repeatedly told “you deserve being in <insert situation>” you kinda believe in what they tell you

like

Health stuff (beyond anxiety and depression) getting me down. Want to take med leave (dr has said yes), but am afraid of internal politics and YE. Need courage to go through with it

like

Tell me your why you are depressed, describe the pain and what you do to manage it ?

like

I wish I had someone to hug me

like

Taking Trazodone to help me quiet my mind so I can fall asleep - it works for that but now I wake up 3 hours into the night and my anxiety keeps me up. Any suggestions for non-addictive sleep aids that can help me sleep and stay asleep without feeling groggy?

like

Does anyone here struggle with basic things at work? For example, being on time. I know it sounds basic, It’s not about waking up in time, my morning gets filled with something else, I misjudge time, I find something else to procrastinate. Second, filling out admin forms, I miss things, misunderstand. I am feeling really down on myself. I am I high performer and always deliver on complex projects, but these things, it’s like I’m totally out of it. Could it be ADHD? Depression (I’m medicated)?

like

I've been feeling super depressed lately. Just feel so empty inside. I hate this feeling - how do you all deal with it?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal