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In my early 20s and already feeling this way. I feel like we associate so much of our worth with getting accepted to our dream school, dream job, and buying that dream house. But at the end, they come short of what we thought we’re gonna feel when we finally reached them… I realized that if these external achievements can’t bring me happiness then maybe I should find it internally which is way more of a struggle than I thought, hang in there, look inwards and explore things that will/can make you happy
Helps so much to know that I'm not the only one. Thanks!
Feel the same way. Have come to realize that we are conditioned to want that top school and that top job. When you are yet to achieve them, we are motivated to get at them. When we get them, we feel happy for a brief while, but later realize that they don't actually give you lasting happiness. The best part of my life looking back, was when I had neither but I have an amazing social life and friends to confide in. Trying to work on regaining that at the moment. That's the only advice I have. Check back with me in a couple of years and we'll see if I was correct.
Thank you! Having moved to a new city/state during pandemic made it tougher. Trying to rebuild the support group and meet more people!
Omg, same! I was that annoying person who knew exactly what they wanted to do at 5 years old and did it. I’ve always had a marked path and I absolutely loved school.. but the reality of the job is so different from what I expected. Now that I’m here, I’m completely unfulfilled. I’m essentially going through an identity crisis. Will I ever be happy here? Who would I be without this career? Can I even start over after so much time, effort and cost? And how do I trust myself to begin down another path? I’m embarrassed over how sure I’ve always been and feel so much pressure to just stick it out.
How do you feel now after resigning?
Same here. 32 y/o female in NYC. I have everything I always wanted (or thought I wanted, I guess) and I am more unhappy than before I had those things. Debating quitting big law altogether and starting from scratch. You’re not alone!!
Biggest thing I can recommend here is ignore that "there is nothing not to be grateful for" feeling. You shouldn't feel tethered to that though. You've already been grateful, and not being happy in where you are doesn't make you ungrateful, it makes you human.
I've attached a comic that really has helped me understand my brain. I took a job 9 months ago that I thought/hoped was a huge great move for me, and would put me financially where I wanted as they took a chance on me and my experience. Instead, it was a horrible job that destroyed my mental health and had me miserable. And I realized with therapy, and this comic, that I felt I was being ungrateful, and letting down my partner and my family if I didn't stick it out at this job, and that just empowered that depression.
Accept you're unhappy, and try to understand why. If its just that this dream isn't your dream anymore, then that's okay. You gave it plenty of time, and you and life changes. Maybe its time for a new adventure?
I'm going through the same thing with my job. I accepted in April and after one month in I knew it was not a good fit. I tried to stick it out but I had a mental breakdown, panic attacks, nausea and can't eat. I've lost a lot of weight. I'm on sick leave...debating on leaving consulting altogether or just this project.
Same and I'm 54 and on the couch and just want to cry and then sleep the day away.
Hang in there mate. We're here if you need to talk.
I'm chiming in a little late here, but: I was also told repeated times growing up that we should focus on making money early in our career, go for stability and the reliable options o that we can make money - and then use the money to do what we really want to do. Which just isn't realistic now, and I'm actually not even sure how realistic the advice was 30 years ago...!
What I didn't hear about was how truly seductive stability was. I didn't hear about how the status quo can be nearly impossible to change when you have external obligations. I don't even have a mortgage, and kids to support, so I can only imagine how challenging people with their own families deal.
I just have to tell myself that if I make a change, I have good people by my side who will support me. I have to believe that I am more than what I do for a job - that I am valuable, no matter what I do, or how much money I make.
A combo of meds, medical LOA, therapy and mindfulness based stress reduction course changed my whole perspective. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel this way at times, but it is easier to pull myself out of it.
Just went through this, probably at the tail end of it. A year ago I got hired in a new company in a position I have been working towards for awhile now. Over the course of the past year the heavy responsibilities of the role was too much and my mental health declined. Back in March I admitted myself into the psychiatric unit of a local hospital and spend the next 2 months off work doing outpatient therapy. Once I returned to work and took back the responsibilities of the role my mental health started to decline and I began question my life choices and my worth all over again. I decided to update my resume and start looking elsewhere and it was while looking over my resume I was able to see all my professional accomplishments moving from a well known lower end company to a well known higher end company. I wound up applying for a few jobs and got hired with a company I have wanted to be a part of for the past 2 years.
Exact same. Don’t think I’ve been happy since college other than a brief break in between jobs.
OP have felt the same…what i have realized after long and hard struggles is that as long as we seek validation from outside sources like being at top school or top company we will not be satisfied. I was conditioned as a child to be a high achiever to be loved…so I thought getting into top school and top jobs will earn me love…but after some time that doesn’t happen and we don’t know what else to do. I dont have all the answers but I think counseling might help you. I am trying to get a therapist too. The thought of opening upto a stranger terrifies me…but we need to figure out the root cause of the issue!