In need of help or advice. GF barely wants to have sex any more. Both near 30s, dating for almost 4Y. First 2 years we avgd 2/week, but now down to 2-3/Month. She seems happy in the relationship but admits she has changed. I’m first/only guy she’s been with and says at first she was more adventurous that now. I’m willing to try new things and try romantic gestures but she is just not interested. Otherwise relationship is great and I would propose, but I don’t want a marriage like this

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Sit down and have an honest conversation about it. Maybe introduce some toys. Focus on her pleasure. A lot of times women enjoy sex in the beginning of a relationship because it builds intimacy but maybe not because the sex was that great for her so maybe focusing on her pleasure will bring back some excitement around sex. Especially if she has never been with anybody else

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Agreed. I would also consider couples therapy- might lead to some great break-throughs

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Have you talked to her? I used to be the voracious one in the relationship (we’d average 5-7 times per week) and now I barely want to have sex once a week. The quarantine really has killed my libido and desire. It has nothing to do with partner and entirely to do with me. As a woman, I can say that wanting to have sex is based on a variety of factors many of which have nothing to do with my partner. I’d just have an open conversations where you say what you need but you’re also understanding of her needs / situation.

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Ask her with an open hand and no presumptions if there are any underlying reasons she’s changed. Ask how you can be better and support her more, and let her know it’s important to you. Be honest that you want her to try to improve in this area and ask if she’d be willing. If she’s on the pill that could also impact her drive. Try to be romantic in non-sexual ways too

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No, cheating is not an option. I’d rather break up, but I want to avoid that since everything else is great and we live together

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Cut your losses and find someone thate compatible with you. You are lucky you havent committed with a marriage so should be easy to get out of it.

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1. Read Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski and Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel, ideally both of you should read and discuss. Learn what turns her on and what is her inhibitor
2. Explore external factors that may be affecting her hormones and libido - birth control, stress, etc
3. Explore her desire with her: encourage her to solo pay, make sure she comes, discuss what fantasies she may have and bring them to life, buy her lingerie that she likes, etc.

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Female here. Honestly that sounds miserable. My bf (now ex as of this week) and I were having sex 2-3 times a day for months, now it’s down to once a week during quarantine and I feel very deprived. My love language is physical touch, so I’m not sure if I could handle 2-3/month like you. I felt myself changing around him, like how I’m reacting to him in general and how I view him. If sex is important to you, then it should be considered important by your SO. Same with any topic, really.

Also, we are relatively young. We’re not grandparents with low energy and constant back pain. The sex will only get worse if she doesn’t compromise with you.

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