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You cut them out! Much easier if you dont live at home.
Female here and have done this to my parents twice. Every time they meddled, I stopped talking to them until my situation changed, and it worked.
First time was when I was single and they were getting on my nerves. Most recently is now when I am pregnant and my mother can’t stop with unsolicited advice.
I don’t think its a female thing. I think its a toxic parent/child relationship thing
I hear you totally, I tried cutting off but every time things get back to same as they were before when I start talking just like nothing has changed. I have completely stop talking to my inlaws recently and now they again started meddling and sending me emotional notes because they found out I am pregnant and they just can’t have it that I don’t need their advice on this matter. It is like they come to me when they need me to do something according to them and don’t value my opinion or preference. They used to toss me around however they wanted and since i don’t talk anymore , keep sending me emotional messages even when I don’t reply. Even in those messages they are trying to blame for not making an effort to maintain the relationship. It’s getting on my nerves and affecting my mental stability.
Pro
The more you adjust, people keep expecting more and more. It holds true in relationships as well as at work.
Sometimes draw a line and be rigid, your flexibility should be acknowledged and appreciated not taken advantage of.
If your parents are older be gradual in your approach.
Pro
Respect is a two way practice, now you are a grown up and can’t be treated like a toddler forever. But like i said earlier start bringing gradual change. Too abrupt could make you feel guilty and your parents extremely uncomfortable. Make a list of changes and start with 2 changes every month. By end of 6 months your parents would slowly get it
Conversation Starter
I feel you. If they do hundreds of things they get away with it but if you’d stand up for yourself once they won’t have it. Zero tolerance. It isn’t just Indian society where this happens. It’s hard to get through life when being treated as a second-class citizen.
I’d say make sure your needs are being met on a basic level and look at the rest as a compromise.
It sounds awful, but hear me out. Put every relationship around you in its ideal according to the person experiencing it. Now connect them all. They’ll be dissonant.
I might be an unpopular opinion here but not all families are same. Sometimes parents just advice us because they feel they know better and if you give them your thought process they would understand. We ourselves usually aren’t very open and forthcoming - but all my experience says that while my parents would try and advice me on every small thing they would eventually have my back irrespective of the choices I make. Try and think about their words from a third person perspective - it’s a milti generation gap so definitely all their unsolicited advices would look like commands but they just wish us well and sharing experiences!
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*advise
Conserve your energy. Set boundaries and set expectations on what you want to fix/support and what you don’t. Otherwise, before you know, you’ll be burnt out! Save emotional energy for yourself and for you spouse/kids
Pro
Another factor that you would want to keep in mind is your parents still think from Indian society dynamics where its common for parents to advice(referred to interference by our gen) . our generation working here sees the immense difference in freedom that an american female gets to choose compared to ones living in india.
Without getting into right and wrong, tell them you appreciate their guidance but now also want to take your own decisions so you can learn to help your kids like they helped you.
It’s not just about advice. it’s about how they think and act to a female vs a male. They never advice my spouse.
Rising Star
What are their expectations that’s troubling you ?
Talk to your husband and ask him to mediate. He can hopefully make his parents understand your perspective
It’s a same crying from most of the indian women under being independent / grown up blanket ....
Lol, fortunately I am not stuck in this kind of crisis because I am not bigda hua ladka. Secondly, we have set up right expectations between us (me & my wife) and happy to fulfill them ....