Is a drama free extended family possible? Just curious if there’s anything I can do now to set the foundation for a relatively drama free extended family situation in 20-30 years. My current extended family, of which I am the youngest, is constantly fighting. I don’t interact with any of them, but there was a recent death in the family and remembering how toxic all of this was and is. In short, is there hope?

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My family doesnt have any drama and I cant remember anything big ever happening growing up either. My husbands extended family has crazy drama though! The main difference I see is my family is poor and happy. There are no resources to fight over. In fact they have always had to help eachother to get by during hard times. My husbands extended family is always fighting over getting money from his grandparents and whether its divided fairly. Thankfully he stays out of it as much as possible, but just hearing about it is stressful. I guess the other thing to avoid are drugs and alcohol problems but we dont really have those problems in either of our extended family thankfully.

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Proactively stay out of the fights. Make it clear you won’t participate in political/religious/financial/controversial fights. Avoid those topics and shutdown/leave the conversation when dragged in. Be consistent so your family knows you aren’t kidding. It may ruffle some feathers a bit, but it will reduce the impact of the big stuff. The hard part is reserving judgement and consistently keeping your mouth shut even when you do agree with people.

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If the culture of your family is that toxic, probably therapy for you to understand how to engage and how to have boundaries.

My extended family and my in-laws are all super loving, fun, and drama free. We think highly of each other, want the best for each other, celebrate success and togetherness, and work/support quietly through difficulty. We don’t air dirty laundry. We check in and chat instead of only communicating when there’s a logistical need. We gift generously and look for every chance to spend together. 🤷‍♀️

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