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I’m being offered a job in plaintiff side employment law litigation from direct services non profit. (Dream) however I’m worried about training & learning curve especially for a first gen,only POC.im leaning to take it but would like resources to help me learn (beyond using guides /secondary sources) I
Rising Star
No. This is unacceptable. You need to sit down with your spouse. In my marriage, we have both talked of helping and have actually helped imediate family when necessary. We get on the same page and then we act. Our own financial and emotional well-being takes precedent though. Once those are taken care of, then we talk about helping others. It seems you need couple's therapy to really gage why your spouse wants to be impressing everyone else and giving away time and money at expense of your own well being.
There can be cultural pressure to provide money from time to time to help extended family, even when they are not in third world countries or specifically in need. Both my husband and I are first generation immigrants. His family is mostly here in the US but he spends a fair amount of money contributing to his mum’s maintenance (she retired back home and doesn’t have any pension or social security) and other family issues. I’m more forward thinking in terms of sending money to extended family members, but even so, I occasionally send money to relatives in need and to my parents from time to time (even though my parents are very comfortable) because that’s what our culture dictates. I’m probably something of a black sheep because I don’t send money to my parents often enough (only on special occasions like Christmas etc or if they visit).
You should have a conversation with your partner and set some parameters about giving to family, but if this is a cultural thing, you shouldn’t push to stop it altogether. It could create a lot of tension for your relationship and possibly result in secrecy in giving for fear you won’t approve.
You just have to have an extended conversation about this. Depending on how involved they are uncle, aunt, grandparents were in their lives, I could see this being reasonable or crazy. I personally wouldn’t want to be with somebody who doesn’t care about their immediate family or whoever raised them and cared for them. However, there is a limit to it and you just need to have some ground rules
I think it’s not the dollar amount or the final decision that matters. It’s your experience of handling such an important and close-to-heart matter together as a couple.
Both my partner and I come from backgrounds like this but it’s not an obligation. It’s a “nice to do” thing in recognition of what was sacrificed for us. Before marriage we were on the same page that we’d like to do that, but it would be secondary to us and our little family that we’re building.
I come from this background. As long as I hit my own personal retirement goals and meet my basic (and a bit more to enjoy life, of course), I contribute the rest to family and other causes I care about. And by family, I mean my mom, brother, and cousin and her family. I don’t rely on my spouse to do that, but that’s also why we aren’t together anymore. Taking care of your family alone is lonely without a partner who is truly understanding and supportive and if you two truly aren’t on the same page may not work out for either of you long term.
Pro
In what culture is this acceptable?!
African for sure
Deleted my comments, and unsubscribing from this thread, because I can already see where this conversation is going to be in a few hours.
Just curious. Where do you think this is going?