{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Is being a mom of 2 just supposed to make you feel like you’re failing at motherhood and at work?? I thought being a first time mom, I handled everything better… I need realistic answers not patronizing responses", "post_id": "62450494f9587a002b38e368", "reply_count": 71, "vote_count": 45, "bowl_id": "5a0c9a1f61b01a001937c406", "bowl_name": "Working Moms", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Is being a mom of 2 just supposed to make you feel like you’re failing at motherhood and at work?? I thought being a first time mom, I handled everything better… I need realistic answers not patronizing responses

likeuplifting
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You’re doing the best you can, it’s hard. Like some days I cry because my kid was mean to me hard, even though I know he spent all of his good energy being kind at school. My kids are 7, 6, 4 and 3. I got an Au pair 3 years ago and it’s been a game changer for me. I still have absolutely no shit together, but I finally got a calendar to write down ALL.THE.THINGS (go me 😉). But! I know my kids are being loved on when I can’t and it is such a blessing when it comes to sick kids, the pandemic and working from home! The extra set of hands is really priceless and I’ll likely continue even after all 4 are in school full time. Other than that, it’s a day by day game of trying to keep my cool, love them as hard as I can when I’m not working and enjoying time with my husband. Happy to chat! Finding people in the same boat really helps too. I’ve found recently that finding parents of 4+ kids has helped as most of my friends just don’t understand :).

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I’ll send you a message!

My husband and I have lived paycheck to paycheck from the second we became parents. We have 2 kids. We both always had to work. At times i had to work pt in addition to my ft job. Then I returned to school attending law school and working full time. Because of my schedule, my time with my kids was very limited but for the last 18 years I made sure they knew they were the most important in my life and everything I did it was for them. We did things together, even if it's just going for a drive bc money was tight. I was very open to them so when I couldn't be there they knew why but knew they were first in my mind. They are now 16 and 18 and we have a great relationship. I had my depressed times where I felt I wasn't doing enough but I talked to them. I think that helps. Don't keep the kids in the dark. If their young just show as much affection as possible when you can. When they get older, express your thoughts and feelings. My goal is that someday they will tell people "my mom worked her ass off for me and did anything for me".

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I don’t know if this will make you feel better but here is how I look at it. It’s a season of life, and there’s ebbs and flows. I have 3 kids, the youngest is 1 and I live in a neighborhood/town in the south, where most wives don’t work, and those that do, don’t seem to work nearly as much as I. There are times when I know I’m really good at my job, times when I feel like I’m a rockstar mom, and certainly there are times when i feel like i’m failing at both. I still feel like I am a better employee because I am a mom and I know i’m a better mom because I’m doing what I love and I know my kids will learn from my work ethic.

likehelpful

This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes it feels like no one else is a working mom that works as much as we do and it can be so isolating. I also feel like I’m always letting someone down - either my job or my family. But I do hope my kids learn from my work ethic and I hope I get to the point someday that you have where I feel like my job makes me a better mom and being a mom makes me better at my job.

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My kids are 3 and 1.5 and I’m so excited because they both will finally sit and watch cartoons and eat a snack 🙌🏼

This is a major working mom milestone 😂

likesmartfunny

Encanto and goldfish crackers for dayzzzzz

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The worst cliche response ever but with all sincerity I promise it gets better. I have three and I’m out of the baby/toddler stage now and the transistion from one to two was the hardest of all of it. I think it was the whammy of feeling you just got a handle on it all and then it is no joke twice the work and feeling you just started from square one in so many ways. That’s my silver lining pep talk that it does get easier and you will be able to take deep breaths again soon.

likeupliftinghelpful

I have one and feel like I’m failing at both. Applauding all you mothers out there of 1+… it is Hard.

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I just went back to work recently and although my momma only has to go to daycare three times a week, I feel like I don’t spend enough time with her. I WFH the other two days so she is home with me and her dad. Still trying to find that balance.

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Are you me? My 2nd just turned one last weekend and I feel like I still don’t have my sh*t together, after feeling like a champ figuring it out with my first

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I have 3 now, 6, 4, 8 months. Things are just bananas right now and I have not been able to work big/full days/weeks because Someone. Is. Always. Home! My baby just started daycare so that was nice for 2 days until he got the daycare sniffles on day 3 - Lordy!! And my bigger two are so wild. I know it's a season but wow. You're not alone.

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Mine are 5, 3, and 6 months and I felt this hard! My mantra lately has been - this is a season and it will pass. But boy, this is hard!

Number one was so fun and enjoyable. I was an amazing mom wife friend everything. Number 2 is 1 years old now & it’s better than it was in the beginning but I definitely don’t feel the joy of motherhood much anymore and rarely feel I am doing well. On top of that I’m pissed I don’t seem to matter anymore.
Hope this changes cause this isn’t how I want to feel the rest of my life / motherhood

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I’m so glad to hear that! My husband and I talk weekly about how we are going to make a plan for date nights and alone time etc like we used to and we haven’t made it official…

I am a mom of three. My boys are big now: 17, 20 and 22. Going to two kids was so hard. Going to three kids was insane.

You need to get more help than you need more than you think you need. You cannot do the math and say that my job doesn’t cover the costs. This early time is an investment, like an investment in the stock market, in your career growing further. It does get easier. But right now it is freaking hard.

The other advice I have beyond getting as much help as possible is to lower your bar for organization, doing standard culturally appropriate things like sending out holiday cards, or even making beds. One way to handle things is to make sure the beds are really easy to make, that the kids can get dressed by themselves as early as possible, and that clothing choices are always incredibly simple like the same colored socks per kid and only monochromatic outfits.

Finally, be absolutely certain that you and your partner are coming to the table to go all in on this if you are in a relationship. It is easy to let your partner off the hook, but you can’t, because you will be exhausted and you need to take care of yourself. I apologize in advance for the typos. I was dictating and it’s hard to do the correction

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I have 2. Constantly feel like I’m failing as a mother and at work. It’s hard. One was easier now that I can compare it to having two. But I love having my two kids. Just it’s HARD.

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Went from 2 to 4 (twins) and am struggling to decide if I should stay home. I fear I will be out constantly due to sick germs going back and forth between the two babies. This is a season of life, and I need to get past it before I feel like I can be a really great employee again. You’re not alone in feeling like a failure. It’s tough to deal with feeling like you’re half-assing everything. I also don’t want to regret the lost time with my kids while they are little!!

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On the other hand sometimes I think (with sickness, COVID shutdowns etc) "look how much extra time we're getting together"! Haha

Single mom to only one child - I feel like I’m failing at both! We’re doing the best we can - at least I keep telling myself that to put my ‘mom guilt’ at ease 😂😂

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I am currently pregnant with second. And even in pregnancy i can feel the change. I don’t take care of myself much, i have gestational diabetes from first trimester so just managing that with work is a lot. My relationship with my husband is already suffering right now. I am high risk for preterm so most of the times anxious. Haven’t really got around even thinking of what all we need to get to be prepared for the second. House is a mess. My manager is prepping to lay me off, so interviewing and joining a new company closer to when i have to deliver.. I don’t even know whats gonna happen when the baby is here.. and how i am going to manage.
My husband has been a lot of support but we are struggling with romance and love right now

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I had GD with both kids, it’s so hard. I was NOT at risk for preterm labor, but ended up with a very traumatic pregnancy / birth/ nicu stay. I’d say try therapy - being able to talk about it all can be helpful. Also had issues with husband not quite understanding and us both being stressed since it was all stressful. Take care of yourself ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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The transition from 1 to 2 is HARD. I experienced a lot of guilt—still do but it’s better—and it was mostly comparing the mom I am now to the mom I was with my first. It’s emotionally charged so even though I can tell myself, well baby #2 gets a more experienced mom, it’s still hard to process! BUT it does get better! Day by day, week by week. We are at 6 months now and I finally feel like I have a bit of a handle on things. It was hard being alone with them for a while because I just didn’t feel like I could give them what they needed and it made me so upset and anxious. But it does get better!!

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I made the decision to have just one because of this, thankfully I found so many honest people around me that let me see what their lives are really like and I was able to decide if I wanted that for myself.
Moms are superheroes for sure and you work on top of that. You are amazing no matter if you feel like you’re falling short. You got this.

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I have 4 kids. I’m just going to say this. As the kids get a little older, it gets better. This phase is just hard!

likeuplifting

Yes it does get better, but I think just because we change our perceptions. What once used to be an alarm and nerve wracking, now might seem a piece of cake.

Two is hard. Soo hard. And all the patience and tactics you learned as a mom to your first child just go out the window, thus so much stress and so much guilt. And I swear it gets worse before it gets better. My youngest is 3 now and I can start to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Having lots of child care help (eg mine starts at 7am to help me tame the madness that is breakfast/lunch packing/getting out the door) has helped my sanity a lot, and allowed me to focus efficiently at work during those work hours.

But motherhood I’m still working on….

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Girl, if the kids are fed, clothed, housed, loved, and alive...you're doing an amazing job! Don't let anyone tell you or make you feel any differently.

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Being a mom of one is a lie. Lol
That's your buddy. That's your companion. A single kid? They want to hang with mom!
Enter kid 2 - throw everything you thought you knew about parenting out the window! Haha
It's seriously a different beast. Fact is, you only know when you did it right when they're grown. Do the best you can. Ignore the noise. And yes, feeling like your failing usually means you're doing it right. 😉

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