Related Posts
I’m kinda into Bluey’s mom.
Is my purchase history not good enough?
Amsterdam 4 day holiday recommendations?
Any office dirt?
Additional Posts in Consulting
FB needs a poll option...that is all
All I want for christmas is client value creation!
Forgot to turn on cabin pressure....
How is everyone planning for potential layoffs?
New to Fishbowl?
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
I think it’s important to be a nice person in life but I’ve been called too nice at times by friends and some people I’ve dated. I just don’t like yelling at people or being rude, it’s so pointless to get yourself all riled up.
I do try to stick up for myself when I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. But not in an aggressive manner. Professionally, people have said I’m very calm and collected because of that approach
Definitely! I’ve learned from experience that most people will put their own needs first no matter how nice they are, and they push to see how far they can get. They’re not being malicious but it’s just how people are wired to get theirs first.
You can’t expect people to know how you’re feeling or how swamped you are. You need to remind them and let them know what your situation is - and not let their situation overpower yours. The delivery is what set apart a nice/kind person.
I’m generally a people pleaser so it’s something I work on everyday still.
Depends on context -
Work wise...
Are you being told you’re ‘too nice’ as indirect feedback that you are too quick to accept scope creep or other people’s points of view to appease them rather than push back on extra requests or evolve current thinking?
If yes to above, practice:
1) listening to learn, without commitment to action e.g thank you for sharing, that’s helpful for us to know —> shows care and attention whilst remaining in control. If pushed to make a decision add ‘let me come back to you’, especially if about extra work so that you can discuss and review how best to respond. Maybe you do want to accept scope creep, maybe you don’t, but give yourself the space to agree what’s best
2) Setting clear boundaries and your position as the expert. That doesn’t mean discounting others or not listening, though it does mean taking a stand and backing yourself. If you are perceived as ‘too nice’ and simply accept a different point of view without adding your experience or helping others understand your viewpoint, it could weaken your credibility and give the impression you are a push over. Aim to take what you learn and test it against what you think and recommend to discount or take to evolve. It’s ok to change entirely, but understand why you are first before doing so
FWIW, I have been told I am ‘too nice’ as well, though have found this is a lazy and very indirect way of giving me the above feedback on being more assertive. My view is you need to find a style that allows you to be authentic yet manage the perception you are in control and know your stuff
As for life, being nice is a good thing for sure!
Pro
Generally agree with the comments above, especially the positioning as an expert aspect.
“Too nice” is always going to be subjective, however, it’s much better to be known or thought of as nice or even “too nice” than mean, miserable, etc. as those connotations can torpedo you from jump street.
I came from industry and also was told I was “too nice” at times. However, I dismissed most of that feedback over the years as I always told myself I refused to become an emotionless consulting robot. Reflecting back, I have noticed that my form of “nice” has changed. I used to sugar coat things or beat around the bush as a way to try and soften the blow when delivering unpleasant messages. I have since learned that tactic is far more negatively impactful as it minimizes the corrective action you need someone to take. I’ve learned to be much more direct but in a very thoughtful and constructive way so that folks receive the message but also understand they why behind it.
Positioning as an expert for client interactions is also critical. Since these interactions are much more transactional, at least at first, trust and respect are developed but demonstrated mastery of their business, challenges, pain points, etc. Being nice will make those interactions more pleasant, but you need a show of force behind it.
Being nice is great, being a pushover ain’t.
Chief
There is a way to push back and be firm while still being kind
Watch out though, people will think you’re doing mind tricks when you confront them in a calm and composed manner