Is being too nice a bad thing in consulting and in life? How do you overcome that?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I think it’s important to be a nice person in life but I’ve been called too nice at times by friends and some people I’ve dated. I just don’t like yelling at people or being rude, it’s so pointless to get yourself all riled up.

I do try to stick up for myself when I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. But not in an aggressive manner. Professionally, people have said I’m very calm and collected because of that approach

like

Definitely! I’ve learned from experience that most people will put their own needs first no matter how nice they are, and they push to see how far they can get. They’re not being malicious but it’s just how people are wired to get theirs first.
You can’t expect people to know how you’re feeling or how swamped you are. You need to remind them and let them know what your situation is - and not let their situation overpower yours. The delivery is what set apart a nice/kind person.

I’m generally a people pleaser so it’s something I work on everyday still.

like

Depends on context -

Work wise...

Are you being told you’re ‘too nice’ as indirect feedback that you are too quick to accept scope creep or other people’s points of view to appease them rather than push back on extra requests or evolve current thinking?

If yes to above, practice:
1) listening to learn, without commitment to action e.g thank you for sharing, that’s helpful for us to know —> shows care and attention whilst remaining in control. If pushed to make a decision add ‘let me come back to you’, especially if about extra work so that you can discuss and review how best to respond. Maybe you do want to accept scope creep, maybe you don’t, but give yourself the space to agree what’s best
2) Setting clear boundaries and your position as the expert. That doesn’t mean discounting others or not listening, though it does mean taking a stand and backing yourself. If you are perceived as ‘too nice’ and simply accept a different point of view without adding your experience or helping others understand your viewpoint, it could weaken your credibility and give the impression you are a push over. Aim to take what you learn and test it against what you think and recommend to discount or take to evolve. It’s ok to change entirely, but understand why you are first before doing so

FWIW, I have been told I am ‘too nice’ as well, though have found this is a lazy and very indirect way of giving me the above feedback on being more assertive. My view is you need to find a style that allows you to be authentic yet manage the perception you are in control and know your stuff

As for life, being nice is a good thing for sure!

like

Generally agree with the comments above, especially the positioning as an expert aspect.

“Too nice” is always going to be subjective, however, it’s much better to be known or thought of as nice or even “too nice” than mean, miserable, etc. as those connotations can torpedo you from jump street.

I came from industry and also was told I was “too nice” at times. However, I dismissed most of that feedback over the years as I always told myself I refused to become an emotionless consulting robot. Reflecting back, I have noticed that my form of “nice” has changed. I used to sugar coat things or beat around the bush as a way to try and soften the blow when delivering unpleasant messages. I have since learned that tactic is far more negatively impactful as it minimizes the corrective action you need someone to take. I’ve learned to be much more direct but in a very thoughtful and constructive way so that folks receive the message but also understand they why behind it.

Positioning as an expert for client interactions is also critical. Since these interactions are much more transactional, at least at first, trust and respect are developed but demonstrated mastery of their business, challenges, pain points, etc. Being nice will make those interactions more pleasant, but you need a show of force behind it.

like

Being nice is great, being a pushover ain’t.

like

There is a way to push back and be firm while still being kind

Watch out though, people will think you’re doing mind tricks when you confront them in a calm and composed manner

like

Related Posts

💲For those who DON'T think a six figure salary is possible:

👉Just ask for it. Really, you would be surprised. Might be easier to switch to a new company and ask. I did that 3 years into my career.

And 🛑 wasting your time at a company that under-values you severely. Sometimes switching companies every 2 years or so will allow you to keep raising the bar for yourself.

like

Let's see what everyone got from their students/parents for Christmas!

like

Theory: Uncle Joe hasn't dropped another round of stimulus checks yet because he has been working day and night to create a new program that will ensure every American in need receives 1400 GME stonks on Friday morning. Coordinating with Chamath Uncle and Papa Musk on tech infrastructure required to do so. Will do donuts in the TransAm on the WH lawn after GME hits $5K while pouring one out for Cornpop.

likefunny

Should I try talking to another teacher that has been making my life difficult? At today’s optional after school meeting she said I was keeping her past her contractual time... it was optional!!!

likehelpful

Anybody have done procedures to get rid of smile lines in NY? What did you go through and where? Torn between trying a laser procedure like Shurink or just try Botox

like

No, this is awesome. Was seeing a guy for some 1,5 months now, first real thing in ages. Had our first fight because I tried to be honest about seeing someone else at the beginning of us dating, but now I’m all in, he changed clothes and left. Said he can’t sit next to me and pretend this didn’t happen. I’m not saying I was right, but wow. Show vulnerability, say smth wrong and the guy just bails.

like

I’m kinda into Bluey’s mom.

like

Is my purchase history not good enough?

Post Photo
funnylike

Amsterdam 4 day holiday recommendations?

like

Fam, are you guys mixing vaccines? The track record for “take the first one available!!” isn’t the greatest

like
like

I have an offer from MetLife for full stack Developer which pays $145k in NYC. Should I go for it? How is the growth for developers in MetLife?MetLife

like

Anyone jump from GCP to AWS? What’s been your experience?

like

Any fishes got offer from EY India recently?

Can you please comment how much time they take to send offer letter after sending pre offer letter EY

like

What are you reading over break for your own enjoyment? My favorite authors are Bill Bryson, Garrison Keilor, Jodi Picoult, and Maeve Binchy. My favorite book to come out this year was Where the Crawdads Sing.

likesmarthelpful

Ok, using excel is not a primary function for my role (this will be very obvious shortly...) So please be kind! On my sheet, in the first and third columns, I have lists of reference numbers. In the second column I have a client name. I already identified the duplicates in the first and third columns using conditional formatting.What I need to find now is column 2 value, whenever value in column 3 is identified as duplicate. Problem is, I have over 120k rows of data so I can't filter! Help!

like

TDOC; anyone have any reason why I shouldn’t put 20 k(10% of my portfolio) in 2022 LEAPs; telehealth is going to explode and it’s barely tapped a fraction of population

like

Any office dirt?

like

What is lowest acceptable salary for being promoted to executive digital producer in NYC?

Today I discovered this bowl. And my life is complete. *sits back in Christmas cat onesie, pets cat*

likeuplifting

Additional Posts in Consulting

has anyone participated in the MLT program? looking into it and would like to learn about the overall experience!

like

Experiencing significantly more back pain since the last month. The work setup hasn’t changed. It’s a generic desk, footrest and ergonomic chair. Suggestions welcome on what I can add to my setup to make it more comfortable. I do take breaks and stretch once in two hours.

like

Those who have undergone layoffs... Our fallen sisters and brothers... What are the plans now? Would be especially interested in hearing from those not planning to go to another consulting firm.

like

Is there only one group in FB or multiple mini-forums?

like

FB needs a poll option...that is all

like

My firm has a mentor scheme whereby you meet monthly with a senior person at the firm to speak informally about work, career, etc. How to make the most out of it?

like

Good morning, Patagonia Vest Consultant writing, what songs should I have on my party playlist for tonight?

likefunny

What are your top book recommendations? I’m genre neutral.

like

Starting a new job in consulting soon. What are some must-do and must-avoid things to keep in mind? How do I hit the ground running?

like

How do MBBs compare to other firms in regards to utilization % & layoffs/ratings. Seems like some firms lay off after X weeks on 🏖 whereas I have colleagues who spend 4+ wks at times on 🏖 at times

like

Anyone been in consulting from college to partner? Curious at what point (if at all) the job started to feel easier or automatic

like

Serious Question: Why is it that people want kids? Trying to wrap my head and understand.

like

I had 200% utilization for the two weeks for the month. Will hat get flagged for something? Honestly worked all those hours and am burnt out too..

like
like

All I want for christmas is client value creation!

like

Forgot to turn on cabin pressure....

Post Photo
likefunny

Everyone is praising Obama for how good of a person he is, how he makes them feel all warm & fuzzy inside...while I am over here wondering how he took our debt from $10 trillion to $20 trillion...

like

Book recommendations. Your favorite -
1. Autobiography/Biography
2. Self Help
3. Financial Literacy
4. Non-Fiction (not from 1,2 or 3)
5. Fiction
Go!

like

Are there non-FAANG companies with comparable compensation & WLB? It seems impossible to break into FAANG.

likefunny

How is everyone planning for potential layoffs?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal