{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Is it a bad idea to buy a place together with your significant other if you guys aren’t married yet? We’re in a serious committed relationship (and have talked abt marriage) but would rather live together first, especially with the low interest rates right now", "post_id": "6105f4f585a3a700263d9831", "reply_count": 6, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Is it a bad idea to buy a place together with your significant other if you guys aren’t married yet? We’re in a serious committed relationship (and have talked abt marriage) but would rather live together first, especially with the low interest rates right now

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I honestly wouldn't buy together if I weren't married; I think living together first is a good idea, but buying brings in far more complications when you aren't married.

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☝️This x3

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I bought a place with my SO but we already knew we would get engaged/married shortly after. I think it would be okay ONLY if you’re both on the same page about marriage actually happening. You don’t need to sign a contract with a deadline or anything - but you should know if he says “yeah I want to get married... eventually” or “yes I see it happening right after we settle in- let’s look at rings together.” My (now) husband and I got engaged a few months after buying and I had no doubts that would happen. Marriage won’t solve anything but it’s a pretty good sign of long term commitment versus him thinking “great found someone to split a down payment/mortgage during these low rates!”

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We bought when we were only engaged, but I don’t think I would have been okay with it if we weren’t engaged. He had made a visible sign to the world about our commitment so buying a house felt a logical next step. We both cared much more about building a home together than we cared about the wedding so it actually felt like that is when we really got married compared to just signing docs at the courthouse. I wouldn’t recommend buying a house with someone you have not lived with who you’re also not married to. We lived together for a year paying rent and learned so much about each other. Why the rush? Even with low interest rates, home prices are crazy high.

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It could go a few ways: 1) You buy, things work out, and you get married. 2) Things don’t work out, you break up, and have to sell the home (complicated). 3) Worst case scenario - Things aren’t working out super well, but you sort of limp along because unwinding everything is so complicated, eventually get married… maybe have kids, eventually divorce. Doesn’t seem like the worst idea, but just be careful not to limp the relationship forward if it’s not working out.

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Are you engaged? I wouldn’t do it for a few reasons, you’d be making a bigger commitment to a purchase than to each other if not married or engaged. It might make it harder to be honest if it’s not working out, more complicated and even if it’s not conscious, harder to leave. Try renting and living together while the market cools down. Or one of you buy and the other pay rent. If you can’t afford it by yourself, don’t do it.

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