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Conversation Starter
Even though he hasn’t introduced you to them do they know about you?
You think? It’s been three years they should know about you
My ex was like this and even though it bothered me, it wasn’t a dealbreaker. I was also probably younger than you at the time and less likely to put up with this now. That being said, I didn’t think it was a dealbreaker at the time because my ex was pretty socially awkward, somewhat bullied in the past, and didn’t particularly care about his high school and college friends. He would complain about them all the time and would say he would not mind if he lost touch (which he eventually did). He also had introduced me to his family and I was somewhat close to his mom. Probably need more context on your situation but whether and to what extent he has introduced you to his family or other important people is relevant.
It has more to do with him than you. I think he is insecure, afraid of judgment from his “friends” and perhaps immature. His friend group might be toxic af. This was my experience. My ex would tell me that his friend group was judgmental and would find a way to judge me. It wasn’t bc I was weird or anything, that was just the dynamic of the group. He didn’t want to deal with that. Despite my ex’s reluctance, I did end up meeting a couple of these friends very briefly throughout the course of our relationship bc they came to his house to pick him up while I was there. After those encounters my ex said he thought I was “too friendly.” To be fair, I was probably overcompensating given the build up of the situation. However, he was also projecting insecurities bc his previous serious girlfriend started hooking up with someone in his friend group right after breaking up with him and he went through a really rough time bc of it.
Chief
Listen to your intuition.
Yes
Three years?? Is he socially very awkward or is he not serious about the relationship?
You should know if he’s serious by now
My ex only introduced me to a handful of his friends. I definitely called him out for it but never read into it too much because there always seemed to be a compelling reason for why it didn’t make sense for me to tag along with the guys. One day after 3.5 years of dating he randomly ghosted me. I was completely caught off guard and found out later it was because he was ENGAGED to someone else all along (they got married a few months after we broke up). Im not saying your bfs behavior is a deal breaker and every relationship is different but as someone who has been on the worst possible end of it, I would advise you to tread lightly.
What the heck ?! Yikes! I am so sorry that happened to you
Enthusiast
Do you at least know his other friends that he does feel “matter and knows well”? Because if you don’t, THEN that’s a HUGE red flag. If you know his actual friends and just not these, he just may not feel like it’s a big deal to introduce you because these people don’t matter to him similarly to what P1 was saying about friends who he could easily lose contact with. If what I’m guessing is accurate, I agree with P1 that it’s not a huge dealbreaker.
Also have you guys had discussions about your future (for ex. not generically “I want to get married one day” but specifically “I want to marry you”) to understand the seriousness of your relationship, cuz maybe for him if you haven’t, that could be another reason why it’s not a big deal to introduce.
Maybe he doesn’t want you to know something silly/stupid he did in high school and is embarrassed of? And he doesn’t trust that those friends will not bring it up.
It seems like he’s not fighting it that hard? Maybe you just push harder to see them next time?
Conversation Starter
OP - the above comment is making me say something that I don't wish do. I'll just say I am sorry. More power to!
Rising Star
Yeah this is strange. He should be proud to introduce you to ANYONE as his lady!!
Rising Star
... i don't think you have to meet every single person in his life. If you know his friends and family that are close to him then fine. It's weird that you say "uncle" specifically... Like, why isn't he just part of the rest of the family? Maybe you are hung up cause you heard him say once he was gonna meet them, maybe he doesn't even see them that much, you are just super attentive to when he does cause you are hung up on them.
Serious question - does he still have friends from that time of his life? Is he kind of an introvert? Maybe he thinks you’re too “cool” for his friends or is insecure about them.
Chief
OP stated a friend from that time period came to pick him up at his house and she wanted to go out to greet him. He said that’d be weird.
Conversation Starter
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Red Flag. Get rid of him and find someone that can’t wait to introduce you to everyone they know. That’s the man you want to marry!
Are these people real friends or people he used to be friends with who he sees once/twice a year because he doesn't want to say he's just not interested in hanging out with them anymore? I have a childhood friend like that who I avoid telling anything personal to when I get stuck seeing her (usually it's when we've both been invited to something by a third party). She's very bossy and thinks she always knows better than me, despite the fact that her life is a disaster and mine isn't, so I try not to tell her details of my life because I don't want to hear all her opinions about how I should change my life.