Enthusiast
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Hehe thank you
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Chief
I’ve found that asking “Is it that time of the month?” works wonders. Equally as helpful as saying “you’re drunk” to someone who is obviously drunk.
KPMG1 was being sarcastic…
This post reminded me of this joke:
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota , but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.”
Yeah my period has never made me throw things, nor has it for any of my girlfriends. That's not good behavior.
Does she at least apologize?
Chief
Being on your period is no an excuse for abusive behavior. Throwing stuff and "saying things she doesn't mean" is NOT acceptable behavior, period or no.
Does she recognize that she’s acting differently during that time? I always say I can feel “the crazy” seeping in when my period comes around and I consciously try to control it or at least tell my partner so they aren’t totally confused at my mood. Maybe you could bridge it with her when she’s not in that mode? Avoidance is ok to some degree but you won’t be able to avoid it forever…
Enthusiast
She needs medical (or psychological or some kind of professional) attention
Enthusiast
She’s incredible outside of this time period. She knows she acts crazy during this time, is not herself and will usually apologize. I’m just sensitive and it’s hard to be around.
I guess what I’m looking for is healthier ways to approach vs. avoidance bc that’s not always a feasible option. Telling her “oh it’s just that time of month again” isn’t an option because it invalidates her experience at the moment.
Unfortunately the waters calm only once I am riled up. If I yell back or shed a tear, that’s when the resolve phase comes in. I don’t like to ever yell but do so bc it’s part of the path to resolution based on previous experiences. I know this isn’t ideal.
It may sound unhealthy, but truly, things are incredible outside of this experience that happens roughly every 2 months. (Sometimes I get lucky and am able to be extremely cautious and can avoid it). It would be hard to describe just how incredible the support and love we have for eachother is. Been together for 5 years and this is not nearly enough of a problem to end it for anyone that has that suggestion.
Enthusiast
OP, her behavior is abusive. It’s abusive whether it happens once every six months, or every day. Can you pick a time when she’s NOT having her period and sit down and talk to her about it? If her inappropriate, out of control, abusive behavior is truly only restricted to these times and she has no problem with her temper otherwise, she likely needs medical attention. She could have PMDD, which is a legitimate medical problem that can be managed. Either way, it is not healthy for you to cope with this by avoiding her during her periods - this is only going to cause mutual resentment, and I imagine a good amount of stress for you.
Enthusiast
If I had a massive man cave this is where I’ll be hiding during said period lol
Enthusiast
Yup that’s the plan for sure. Haha
Pro
No it’s not bad. I was recently on a birth control that made me a monster during the week before and of my period. My truest evil came out and I had the worst thoughts during those times. I’d avoid me too.
That being said, if this is someone you’re planning to be with long term, your current tactic won’t work forever. If it’s that bad I’d recommend a sit down with her and perhaps her having a convo with her gyno to find out root cause.
Pro
That’s really troubling. My wife gets a little more sensitive/cries during that time but, never yells and throws things.
Enthusiast
You need to find a better SO, can’t imagine dealing with that until menopause.
Pro
Let alone…. *menopause* lol
Enthusiast
I was wondering if my relationship with my wife was a troubled one, but I will start looking for a pattern. May be, I need to look at it differently.
I’d just break up. Some behaviors are just not acceptable
I would say two things:
1. Encourage your SO to see her doctor about regulating her hormones during that time of the month
2. Encourage your SO to be more aware during that time of the month and incorporate techniques (e.g. stop and count to 10) when she finds herself in that space.